Funny fart stories: you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gag!!

[Opa]

I remember years ago I rode over to the house of a girl I was sweet on. I leaned over to help her up into the saddle with me. She wasn't very big but still a combination of position and exertion caused me to rip one off. I blamed it on the horse.

 

[bluie]

Quote:
Oh, I am always terrified that I will cut loose with a fart in front of my high school students. I usually wait until no students are in the room, but one day I am going to slip. And nobody has come in and gagged yet. My more considerate students will suddenly get up and go outside the classroom to the hall to fart. Just about the time I am going to yell at them for leaving the room, they will get this look on their face, and I know....

 

[maplesky7]

My senior year I was dating a young man who's father lives in Chile'. That winter we went and visited his producer of movies and commercials and such father. Very high class everything around. They had maids that made sure what they served us was good to eat since there are certain bugs that can do your stomach all sorts of wrong. I could eat salad if it was first sprayed with a certain something and I never really knew what it was...I just trusted them.

One night we went out for dinner. I ate the salad. I didn't think anything of it until we came home. All of a sudden I had the most severe abdominal cramping one could imagine. I made a quick exit to a far away bathroom and spent a LOOOONG time in there.

Well, after a while my boyfriend came to ask me how I was. I said I wasn't feeling well. Later I heard his brother, also from the U.S., come and inquire about how I was doing. And he couldn't help but laugh and say, ooooh pooor wittle gretchen.... Then their younger half sister, from Chile', came to ask how I was doing. Before you know it, I can hear them sitting outside the bathroom on the stairs having a conversation. And I was really wishing they would take their conversation back to the living room and leave me be. I was trying SOOOO hard not to be noisey but there just was no holding back and then I'd hear them out there chuckling up a storm.

I was so embarrassed. I didn't eat the salads from then on for the rest of my stay. It was even hard to eat them when I got back to the U.S. for a while.

...and that's my story and I'm stickin to it.


me,
g

 

[sewchick]

I have a funny story.

We were all at my brothers house for Thanksgiving. There were 15 of us sitting at the table. My brothers mil passed my brother the onions and my niece piped up and said. Daddy can't have onions because it makes his butt sore. He turned red as a beat and we could not help laughing. I don't think I have ever seen my brother that color red.

If I live to be a hundred I will never forget the look on his face.

My father would embarrass me with his farts. We would be in a store and he would fart and look right at me. I was a teen. God that was awful.

 

[the1much]

i laughed sooooo hard i farted

 

[FrenchHen]

Quote:

 

[Darin115]

My inlaws do not pay attention to farts. They just pretend that they do not hear them. We can be all sitting around watching tv and someone will squeek one out and they will sit around like nothing happened. It is hilarious. In my family it was funny and we all got a good laugh at each and every fart.

My wife never passes gas in public or in front of me unless she is asleep. She says I need to see a Dr because of me passing gas.

Well years ago me and my wife, girl friend at the time, was sitting at a picnic table with her mother and 5 other old women from church. I played softball for our church softball league and we were waiting for our game to start. Everyone was talking back and forth about some church business. Well my beloved wife cuts one. It echos off the wood of the picnic table and echos off the tin roof we were sitting under. I almost swallowed my tongue. I could not hold it back. All the old women sat there like nothing happened. I said 'KIM!!!!" and died laughing. Every one looked at me llike I had gone mad. I could not help myself. She got soo ticked her face turned blood red. That made it soo much more hilarious.
She said if I ever done that again she would kill me.

When I was younger our family went to Myrtle Beach. We were riding up the elevator to our room. I rolled one out and it was horrendous. My dad, my mom, my sister almost gagged. The elevator stopped and the door opened. In comes a elderly couple. All of us just fell silent. It smelled so bad I didn't want to take another breath. The old man says mmmmm someone is cooking BBQ. It smells wonderful. The woman says yes it does. I almost died. My dad busted out laughing. My mom elbows him in the side. I could not hold it back. I almost fell out laughing so hard. The couple must have thought we were crazy. When we got in the room my dad said that he definately did not want any of that BBQ.

Just last night we had a party for my mom and dad. It was their 50th wedding anniversary. My dad has COPD and does not go out of the house very much. We invited the entire family and all close friends. Weate hotdogs, subs, chips, etc.... I came straight from work. I knew I had gas but just could not find the right time to let it out. Well by the end of the night everyone left and my dad crawls back into bed to watch the basketball game. I went and laid down behind him. I decided it was the perfect time to let it ALL out!! Well I did. THe tv was so loud that it was not heard. A few seconds later my dad looks back at me and said MY GOD!!!!! Get out of this room!!! My mom came around the corner and said what is that smell???? Well that got my sisters attention so she came in but quickly went right back out. I left the room laughing so hard I could not walk. I came back 10 minutes later to tell my dad bye. He said you better not do that again. I have it in my eyes nose and I can taste it. You need to take a laxitive to get whatever is in you out!!!!! I told him to put his oxygen mask on. He said I am afraid it will explode if I turn the oxygen on. I almost had to roll out the door I was laughing so hard. Here come my mom with the lysol and fussing at me that I should not do that around my dad it could take his breath. That was even more funny.


Darin

 

[Momma_Cluck]

Wellll......

2 stories..

One is an on-going "Hubby-thing"....
He thinks it is HILARIOUS to Walk thru Walmart and either
(A) Fart right in front of me so I walk into it....

(B) Fart VERY loudly and announce to the store that I was the one that did it (OMG Hunny! What did you DO!?)

or (C) Wait until unsuspecting folks are slowly comming up the aisle behind us an "cut one loose" then run around the other Aisle and come back to watch them walk into it!

Then there is my Darling Son...
He has Aspergers... he is VERY smart & funny, and doesn't seem too "odd" or "Different", but lacks any social sense (or common sense)
We were in Mc Donald's and he had been "passing gas" on the way in... I reminded him to not "announce" his farts to the room, and to TRY to control it- or at least try to keep it quiet...
All went well until we were about to leave. We were in those nifty plastic booths--the HOLLOW ones... and he let one rip-- and II DO mean RIP!! That hollow plastic bench acted like a megaphone and his "emission" echoed thru the restaurant!! EVERYONE Was looking and laughing.... and He thought it was the best fun he'd had all day!!

 

[maplesky7]

ha ha ha....these are some kind of stories all right.



me,
g

 

[gordy123]

oh my god...whata funny story! I also live with 2 men..my husband and son who don't mind expelling their stench in various areas. I work in a dry cleaner and they have both passed gas and walked away and wouldn't ya know a customer walks in! Then there is the other side of the counter when it's 90 degrees, you've got a fan blowing and a customer let's one rip and I'm tryin not to puke from the stench. All the while thinking how could the customer stand their straight faced and act like they have done nothing! Thanks for sharin! Have a good one!

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