Funny fart stories: you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gag!!

[the1much]

 

[debilorrah]

I give up - it turned into burps instead of farts.

 

[Mesa]

I need the Spooky story pm'ed to me too please.

 

[SilverM0on]

my story is quite embarrassing to
around 8 years ago at the wedding of my cousin
when the bride and the groom were exchanging there ring
i made the loudest longest fart ever

everyone was looking and i was trying my best to look inocent
the shame i so didnt feel it comming i was like

then i was like

that me!!!!! $&$#(&$&^#&#&

 

[GUIENALADY]

don't have a story...but pleas keep them coming. they have really been intertaining.

spooky pleas send me the other story too.

 

[bulldog-girl]

Thanks spooky. Wow, I don't think I would ever wear skirts if that was my condition.

OK so here goes mine...


This one was told to me and not really sure if this was true.


A woman salesperson traveled from business to business selling software to corporations. She had a set route and returned home every evening.

She also had a passion for chili; however, since being newly married she did not partake as she would eventually, and faithfully, expel the most horrid foul gas ever imagined. In fact, her new hubby did not have a clue of her condition. She discreetly avoided eating chili or other bean laden foods. She was raised in the south and a southern lady never passed gas nor paid notice if someone else did. It was just not done. Private duties were kept private behind bathroom doors and never shared with anyone, even your own husband.

This particular day was her 25th birthday and she had ended a little early. She was passing a mom and pops diner on the road and saw a sign that read "world’s best chili". She could not help herself and pulled in. She went inside and ordered a large bowl. After all, she had an hour’s drive home and that should be plenty of time to get rid of the evil gas that would inevitably arrive.

After she polished off the bowl, she had to agree it was the best chili she had ever eaten. She decided on a whim to go ahead and indulge in one more bowl. Again a large. She delighted in the beany goodness to the last drop. Slightly sad that her delight was over, she paid the bill and got back in her car.

She rolled down the window and took her time enjoying her full tummy and the scenery. About half way home the first emission was expelled and she was glad that she was alone. Every couple of minutes a new cloud burst forth but the air rushing in from the window took away all traces of the deadly odor.

Finally, about 10 minutes from home the last of the chili had "passed" and she was home free. No trace lingered in the car on or her clothes. Her secret was safe.
She pulled into the driveway and her husband greeted her out front of the house.

“Happy Birthday Honey” he said “I have a surprise for you” He promptly pulled out a blindfold and put it on her. “I don’t want you to see what I have for you until I get it set up” he said. She was so excited. Could it be the Ruby ring she had been admiring? Or perhaps a trip to Hawaii. She could not wait to see.
He led her into the house and explained that he was having her sit at the dining table while he prepared the surprise. “I will just be a minute. Don’t take the blindfold off”

She sat patiently in the chair. She was a little tired and wanted to get out of her work suit. All of the sudden the familiar pains grabbed her abdomen. She was alarmed. I can’t fart now she thought. The pain only got worse and the urge to pass gas was overwhelming. She strained her ears and could hear her husband behind the kitchen door puttering around. She leaned to the right and pushed her left cheek off the dining chair. A loud hiss escaped followed by the noxious gas cloud. She reached up on the table and felt a plate and cloth napkin. She grabbed the napkin and fanned the air madly, trying to get the gas cloud to dissipate. Another minute passed and again the urge to pass gas overcame her. He hubby was still in the kitchen so again; she quickly let the gas go and fanned the air. The gas again wafted through the room and started to fade.

The kitchen door burst open and hubby came into the room. He set something in front of her and took off her blindfold. Sitting in front of her was a beautifully lit Birthday cake with 25 candles burning brightly. Beyond the candles she saw the rest of the surprise. 10 of their closest friends and family sitting around the table. The group emitted a weak chorus of “Surprise”. She looked around the room and wished the floor would swallow her up. She was really surprised to say the least but the friends and family invited never forgot that particular surprise party. I bet they never let her forget it either.

Here is one that happened to me.

We went to K-mart one evening, hubby and myself. We had gone out to eat and I was having some mild discomfort. The store was almost empty and I wandered through the shoe dept. to the back of the store where we were to meet up in the means dept. Hubby was at the front of the store looking at something else. While in the shoes I had the urge to pass gas, so looking around I noticed there was not a soul. I went ahead and let go of a SBD (silent but deadly) Oh my, I even had to quickly get out of their. It was taking the polish off the shoes. A couple of minute later hubby came walking up besides me with a funny look on his face.
“Oh my gosh,” he said. “Someone must have taken a poo back there in the shoe isle. I almost died.” I immediately was taken over by peals of laughter. I could not even speak. Hubby took one look at me and with a disgusted tone said “that was you, wasn’t it?” I could only laugh.

One more. At the time I thought I would die.

We were at a wedding rehearsal dinner outside. I was about 11 and sitting with my two male cousins about my same age. We were laughing so hard because we were telling funny storied. I was laughing so hard I ripped a really loud one right at the picnic table. I thought I would die. The boys laughed and laughed. Everyone was looking and due to the occasion it was I was only getting the “wait till you get home” looks from my folks.

 

[purr]

Quote:
oh my gods we have barking spiders too!

 

[GardenGirl]

I have one. My DH is one of the notorius men that have to emit gas first thing in the morning, usually when he is first waking up and still in bed, much to my delight

About 2 weeks ago, he was doing his thing and let a loud, long one rip and our 2 1/2 yo asked me what that was, as he had just walked into the room. I said it was daddy stepping on ducks in his sleep. Well about 20 mins later my DH and my DS were downstairs restarting the fire for the morning and my DH let another one rip. My son looked at him and asked, "Got ducks daddy?" I think my DH was going to die.

 

[TheOLDNewChick]

"Got ducks, daddy?" Oh my! I can just see the childs face...that's too great.

 

[JennsPeeps]

I fart every morning, as if on cue, as soon as I wake up. On the rare mornings that DBF is out of bed before me, this is a typical "conversation":

Me: ppppffffffwwweeeeeee

Him: "Good morning, honey."

He talks to my farts!!