Furious with Ex...Need advice?

[Guinea Goonie]

You know, nothing against any of you who post personal messages.
My skin would CRAWL if I posted a message like this. I think it is a purely personal and private situation. I feel it is one a woman or a man would speak about to a trusted friend. I guess i am just a VERY private person. Know one needs to know my business. Besides, when you let someone know personal things, they can and do turn it against you.

Remember, no flaming here, just my Humble Opinion.

 

[KareyABohr]

I went through almost the EXACT same thing with my daughters father. He is a selfish jerk too.
One of my best friends gave me advice that I will never forget as it was probably the best advice I had ever gotten on how to get along with someone like that. (When I was pregnant with her we couldn't afford a baby crib yet, I had been saving up money to buy a really nice one. He took the money and spent it all on new clothes for himself! OOH and I was wearing hand-me-down maternity clothes and stuff from Goodwill.



She said..."Don't ever tell your child what a selfish jerk her father is because you will ruin the moment that she figures it out for herself."



I couldn't agree more because my mother used to slam my biological father and it did take me longer to realize she was right about him all along. Children only want to believe the best in their parents. Remember that you reap what you sow, and with Children this is especially true.

 

[jvls1942]

Your ex gave your son a belated christmas present, things that any kid would want..walked around the mall with him for hours , your son enjoyed that I'm sure.. they spent the day together...

now throw in that he spent more $$ on himself than he did on the kid's presents... whoops, klinker..

this is not about you.. get over it.
no matter what the man does, you are looking for fault, anything..

 

[debilorrah]

My son's dad is the same way. We divorced 15 years ago and he has seen his son maybe 8 times. They do talk on the phone, but he too, is selfish. Brandon knows that now and doesn't expect anything from him.

 

[ams3651]

im skipping Im sorry, but my son is 17. He hasnt seen his dad regularly for many years. He talks to him occasionally, he pays support but pretty much gave up on seeing him when my son didnt have time for HIM. I told him when my son was very young that the time would come when it would come back on him and it has. BUT I try very hard not to talk badly about his dad. He comes to those conclusions on his own. Ive never told him his dad didnt love him. Even when he couldnt pay support but bought new rims for his truck. A couple months back he called his dad (an electrician) and asked him for help installing a new cd player in his truck and his dad who lives an hour away came over and put it in for him. They guys not all bad but I will not influence how my son feels about him. I found many years ago its just less stressful to just get along. When things come up I can call him and talk to him. My son will have to have surgery this summer after graduation, after his dad no longer has to carry insurance for him but he will carry him so he can have the surgery. Things are ok now but they werent always. You can try to tell the dad how your son feels but if he feels like your criticizing him he wont listen. My sons dad always said I was blaming him so I gave up. Take the high road and try for your sons sake to be congenial.



my friends neice once said she wished she had told her son his father was a wonderful caring man and it was a horrible accident that had killed him

 

[bheila]

We have always had the rule about not bad mouthing the kids biological parents infront of them. I also have not seen my sons father for the last 2 years. I won't answer the door or answer the phone if I know it's him, I let my son do that. It's just a way of avoiding conflict for us. He tried threatening me once by saying he was going to get a parenting plan one year. I told him, go ahead and do it! If you don't show up once to get your son then your parental rights will be terminated. So far it's been about 5 years since he said that and so far no parenting plan. He does provide health insurance when he keeps a job long enough to qualify. I have told childsupport that he doesn't need to provide health insurance for my son but it's what they require. I have never asked that his childsupport ever be increased in 9 years either. Thank you for the kind words and support. I always know that there will be someone I can lean on for support here

 

[jvls1942]

I always get kick out of those young guys who come to the restaurant and complain about having to pay child support..

None of them complain to me any more..

when they complain, I have to give 15% of everything I earn for child support.. I always say, Oh, you poor baby... you should have stayed married and paid 100% like
we did.. that shuts them up..

 

[Wifezilla]

We have always had the rule about not bad mouthing the kids biological parents infront of them.

He'll figure out who the jerk is all by himself (but I am sure he knows already)​

 

[BeardedChick]

My dad was like that. Sometimes it was years between phone calls. Once and a while he sent me $20. Never helped me with college. He has kids from his other marriage - they were treated entirely differently.

Guess what, it turns out OK and we grow up OK if we have one good parent. Kids are not innately bitter and resentful about this kind of behavior from one bad parent unless they are taught to be that way at home, so just don't dwell on it and your kid won't either.

I get along with my dad now. Do I respect his behavior? No way, but I am able to deal with him positively and now HE is the one who feels really bad about what he did while I am not particularly bothered by it.

Really - it will be OK.