Granny's gone and done it again

[CapricornFarm]

That’s what the Cajun people tell their kids when it’s time to sleep.



I don’t think so.



No, and I don’t think I’m describing it right. It is a mass, like a disk. I can put my fingers on both sides but she gets super mad. I’m sure it’s sore. I’m supposed to milk her totally out, but I don’t have a milk stand. Or any time in the day.

Just tie her to a tree or fence, then milk her. Warm compresses help the pain.

 

[Granny Hatchet]

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning
she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in…….............…

Morning all

 

[Granny Hatchet]

I woke up w/ bangs this am.

 

[jane s chickens]

What!

 

[Granny Hatchet]

Ya, they werent there when I went to bed last night. Its a good hunk of hair right in the middle of my forehead and about an 1-1/2 in long now. They dont look scissor cut. Too uneven.

 

[CapricornFarm]

What? You got a hair cut in your sleep?

 

[AlleysChicks]

Maybe that ornery kitten gave you bangs

 

[oldrooster]

BUT she's not a deer or a goat , would have to be bitch bitch.

Is the boys sob sob?

Granny, did you feel anything? is hair missing from elsewhere?

 

[prostar]

Ughhhhh.

So while I was showering this morning I had an OH CRAP moment.

I forgot to turn on the heat lamp for the chicklets last night!!! Aah!! So run to the garage, see the two chick piles. My leggy was zonked so I woke her butt up and they’re all looking at me like “what do you want mom? We’re sleeping!”

So I turned it on so they’d have some warmth before hubs leaves and turns it off.

Sigh. Work continues to drive me mad. Coworker gives me a statement to reconcile for a vendor she usually deals with/enters their invoices. Find out not a single invoice on their statement are entered. She doesn’t always give me statements from “her” vendors to reconcile but I’m glad she did in this case. April and beginning of May. Gah!

Turns out she had them all on her computer “I swear I must have printed those out”

Another case one of the vendors I deal with - missing an invoice from June 1st. Just caught it while reconciling that statement. Request it from the vendor, get it, add it to my pile of “bossman these are old can you approve them ASAP” and she goes oh! I think I have that one!

SITTING ON HER DESK.

 

[campingshaws]

Just tie her to a tree or fence, then milk her. Warm compresses help the pain.

I milked until nothing came out, no heat or pain. And hardly any milk. Maybe I’m just feeling milk ducts?

I might also have bangs. She took a big bite out of my braid.