She accepted "no" as an answer for tonight. I just wondered if it's true that this is the way things are done nowadays? Or is this the way abusers get their victims lined up?
It's true that most young males treat females like disposable yogurt containers these days. Why yogurt? I dunno, it's the mental picture that stuck with me since way back when I was trying to date.
Which I do not try anymore... because dating doesn't exist. Everyone wants to "just be friends" and yet "have fun"... there's no point in wasting time on them.
But it is hard, hard to let that lesson sink in... so in the meantime, your precious precious young lady is just searching for someone who might value her. If not for herself at first glance, then maybe for the help she can offer?
It's going to take some time for her to shake that mindset. If she doesn't, she'll end up with some horrid male... but let's pray that she wises up, as many do, and one day says "I can't believe I did / wanted to do that!".
I once saw a book in a store (maybe 15 years ago?) written towards less confident men trying to "pick up" women. I don't know why I was curious, but skimmed through and was suitably horrified.
They had pet terminology I can't recall but it basically advised a process of insulting ladies in myriad ways, subtle and overt, in an effort to bring down their confidence level and make them "needy" for male attention. The author was pushing for young males to do this even when they knew they didn't have a chance with a girl, just to make inroads for the sake of other
men boys that would come along.
Sure enough, I then saw signs of it everywhere in my social circle. Guys wouldn't call their girlfriends pretty or beautiful at the moments it mattered, but "cute" with an arm punch like it was a joke... because why let her feel nice or valued by the guy she's spending her time on? She might pick a better guy. *sigh*
I had been wasting my time with a guy I hadn't ever liked. He just knew all the right things to say to make it so I felt like it was the only choice, if I was a nice person like I thought I was. And when I tried to break up with him multiple times it just never worked, he never left. And my family was so mad at me it was easier to spend time with him than with them, which when I think back on it is very hard to understand. There is an effect where loved ones trying to protect a lady actually works in a manipulators favor. It makes choosing him seem like making a decision for herself... when the reverse was true.
It was so incredibly common for girls of my age group (millenial) to be doing constant, odd favors for the men in their life, who frankly never deserved their place in it. Driving them all over town, lending them money, moving cross country together for his job while he still called her "friend", etc. It wasn't until my peers had reached some kind of personal milestone (graduated, had a baby, joined the military) that they grew some backbone.
So, umm, my odd advice is actually to pretend (mentally, just for this) like you're one of her friends in her age group. How would they criticize a bad choice in partners? That would bypass some of those mental barriers over being protected.
"He can't even change a tire?!"
"He can't afford a used tire from the discount shop?!"
*weak* *lame*
"Oh what's next, he needs you to cover his meal after you drive him out to dinner?"
"This is the guy that, should you be so
fortunate as to land him, would push you in front of the T-Rex so he can run away first"