Has anyone got an only child?

[MandyH]

My dd is our only miracle as well. We were not supposed to be able to have children then after 7 years, surprise! I went into heart failure 4 days after having her and alsmost died so the doctor said NO MORE. I want another baby so bad it isn't funny and dd is now asking for a "baby". It breaks my heart that she will be an only child, but my husband and his mother were only children and you would never know it by talking to either one of them. I had 1 sister and 2 step siblings plus like 500 cousins so it was crazy all the time at our house growing up. I loved it and hate it for my dd that she will never wxperience having siblings. My dh always tells me about Christmas mornings his granddad would play with him with all his new toys then after that he didn't have anybody to play his games with. That makes me sad too.

 

[silkiechicken]

I say in todays world just having one is fine. Historically I think most families were large because family helped family and parents needed kids... etc. Now it's not the case really and as long as they can have companionship with thoes their age to learn how to share and interact, they don't necessilarly need to have a sibling to fill that role.

Semi-unrelated story:
I have a little brother who is just under 2 years younger... My mom told me I got incredibly jealous and tried to smother him a few times with toys and pillows when I was just over 2. Also said I broke a glass cup on his head and wouldn't play with him. I was a terrible child!! I think I wanted to be an only child.

 

[Alleyoops25]

I have three awesome kids. And even though I went through all the thoughts of how I copuldnt possibly love more than the 1st and then the 1st two. And wondered how I was going to give them all equal attention. OR fear I couldnt afford another child. I could never imagine with with out them any of them.
Sure they have to share my attention. But none of them go ignored. They all feel loved and supported. I have found out after each child I was closing a gap in my heart. And after my third child was born my heart was full and our family was complete.I might have went on for a fourth but my body couldnt handle another pregnancy, as which I have already said in another thread I have a bone disease so I had my tubes tide
My oldest duaghter was three or four when she started asking for a sibling. When she was five she got a little brother, and two years later they got another little brother. my daughter had the special privledge of telling everyone that she was becoming a big sister, and then got to call everyone when he was born. She was the second to hold her new brother, and they have a special bond, that no friend could file in for. some times they fight, and try to kill each other. But more times than not they want to play together and just be near each other. And the same is holding true with my youngest son and them.
I dont think you need to worry about wether or not your child now would have a hard time with a new sibling. Or you shouldnt worry about you not being able to share the love with more than one.
the biggest question is can you handle another pregnancy. If your body cant tollerate you having another pregnancy then no you shouldnt get pregnant. But if YOU want another child, you can always adopt a poor precious child that needs some one to call mom, and be loved. Thats a route my dh and I have been thinking about taking after we get our youngest potty trained and get a bigger house.
If you just dont want to have anymore kids IT fine two. Yourson doesnt exactly know what it takes for you to give him another sibling. And you need to be gentle and explian that its really hard to have a baby, and tell him how lucky you are to have him. It wont hurt him nearly as bad as you think it would. Go with your heart and you will be alright anyway you decide to go with it all.

 

[PurpleChicken]

Banty,

I'm an only child. My son is an only child. You cannot be lonely
for something you haven't experienced.

You should not want or feel guilty for only having one. Your are blessed
to have that. What you are feeling is natural. My wife and
I have discussed it too but feel that we can devote ourselves and
our resources better to just one.

The bond between a son and mother is indescribeable, especially an
only child. Cherish and nurture him and he will you.

To be completely honest, the thing that scares me the most is that
I will have no brothers or sisters to be with when my parents depart
this world. When I let that fear overwelm me I think of my two best
friends who will be there, my wife and my son, the only child.

Don

 

[MandyH]

. Don that was great.

 

[SpottedCrow]

In that same vein, my DS and I have a very close bond. He joined Scouts and I was the only mother to go on some of the trips! I helped with the Pinewood Derby and the Klondike Derby.
I've done a ton of field trips to zoos and museums and hikes and cranberry bogs...
I've brought my collections into his classes. I've brought Obelisk and Slifer into school twice!
I don't think I could have done half of the things I did with just him if I had more than one.
We go to the movies together and museums and just go to malls and walk around in Hot Topic.
My best friend has 3 kids and some days she's supposed to be in three different places at the same time.

 

[bantymum]

Thankyou everybody for your beautiful thoughts.
I sat there nearly in tears as I read them.
Yes MIkey and I have the greatest bond, I manage his football team and help out at scouts, He is my little mate and we have the best fun together.
We gang up on Dad
" the fun policeman" He has 2 grown up kids from his 1st marriage, they were brother and sister.
He is happy to have just 1 and I am now 46 but feel 36, and act 26!!!! but so did my grandma, she drove a sport car with her name on her number plate at 70 !!
Ill make some calls and have a go at helping some poor child who needs time out, they are really desperate for foster carers here at present. I guess I am afraid of having a child with behavioural problems, I dont have a long fuse!!
Thanks again,
Hugs Helen

 

[schmoo]

Your son is cutie bantymum!

I also have a nine year old boy who is an only child. I hear you Hollyclyff on the guilt.
I decided to have only one child because of circumstances that happened after my sons birth. When my son turned 1 my husbands job became very demanding and he was actually out of state working on a job for 9 months, home only on weekends. Which put a huge strain on our relationship. I felt abandoned and I was very stressed out. I had'nt planned on being a "single" parent. I had wanted another child, but I did not want to raise 2 kids by myself. Since then I know I made the right decision because he has gone out of town several times for months at a time.
My son has alot of friends and my house is the "place" to be. I love cooking for them and having them over. We play games and have sleepovers etc. It's also it's nice when they go home LOL. My sister and I fought like CRAZY and drove my poor mother nuts. My son has mentioned wanting a brother, but I just point out some of the families we know and how they fight like crazy over everything and he changes his mind.

My biggest struggle is thinking about his future. My sister and I are best friends now, and he will never have that. GUILT big time. I just do my best to keep him close to his cousins and friends. We do the best we can as parents and sometimes decisions are so hard.

 

[bantymum]

Hi schmoo, thanks, yes Our place is the place to be too!
Its the fun house! yes I love having his friends over too,
I set up the tent outside for them on nice days and they hang out in there or they go into his room and get on the xbox. Sleepovers are great too, I have a spare bed in Mikeys room for those and they sit up all night chatting and giggling!! boys are so funny!
I had Mikey home from school today as he ran into a tree out the back, he was running after the football and didnt see the tree coming at him. So I patched him up and we had a day to ourselves, very fun indeed!! I had a powernap in the afternoon and came out and Mikey had cleared up the living room, he used blankets as throws for the lounge chairs and he cleaned up so it was spotless!! wow I love that boy! I didnt ask him to help, he just did it.
Precious, I just want to hug him.

 

[ChickieDee]

At Scouts last night it was bug night. I brought in some bugs, live and dried, and we made door knob hangers, for them to put on their bedroom doors. We wrote " Don't Bug Me"on them and we put bug stickers all over them. Every single boy was so happy that this was going to keep their sister out of their room. I looked at Ryan, my only child, and said "see having a brother or sister is not so wonderful". All the boys started chiming in on what a pain their sibling is. Just thought that was funny.