Have absolutely just had it; I am really really losing my mind...

[Momagain1]

have you considered respite care? here in IL we have caregivers that come in XX amt of times a week or month that you pick and you get to get out for a few hours and they take over...

its a WONDERFUL thing....for ppl who are caregivers!

 

[Beekissed]

Quote:
I applaud you!!!!!!!!

Many, many unhappy people spend their whole lives in this kind of pain because they haven't learned what you just said. You have truly set yourself free and I admire you!

I was well on my way there in my relationship with my parents when they lived 650 miles away. My dad was loving and dear, my mom was toxic to me. I still maintained contact with them, but not often and not a deep relationship. Then everything changed. My dad had a stroke, mom has dementia and long story short, I had to rescue them and bring them to live with me 11 months ago. I remember saying to myself and others for the last 30 years that I would NEVER have my mom live with me under any circumstances. Well, God had other plans. I have lived in the fiery furnace for the last 11 months. My dad passed away about 3 months ago and I am the 24/7 caregiver for a mother who is wheelchair bound, throws tantrums like a 5-year old, can't remember anything from one minute to the next, and doesn't recognize me as her daughter (I'm their only child). All that said, I am beginning to get that mental peace and freedom back even though I am trapped in the house with her most of the time. Many days I feel like a prisoner and a slave, but I refuse to dwell on it and refuse to internalize the negative criticism, complaints, and anger that she spews out randomly through the day. If I can achieve the kind of freedom you have under these close quarters engagement.........I will be truly free.

Happiness is an 'inside job'.

Thank you and it sounds as if you are learning the fundementals of a peaceful heart as well! I don't know how close you are to a long term care facility but you might want to consider placing your mother. I'm a hospice nurse and have worked in nursing homes many, many times in the past 18 years....it is not a bad thing to place a loved one when their care requires professional assistance. And your situation sounds like you need it!

Just imagine 24 hour care from people trained in just the behaviors your mother is displaying. They get paid to do it, they have more experience and they get relieved every 8 hours by a fresh crew. You can still love and support your mother while she lives there by being present frequently, advocating for her care and well-being and taking part in the planning of her care. Many people are able to salvage what love they have left for their parents by letting someone else deal with the bad times and getting rest from the constant caregiving.

One nurse I know finally had to place her mother and explained, "I felt myself starting to resent her and dislike her, though I know she can't help her combative behavior. Now I can love her completely again without dealing with those feelings."

Respite care is also a great suggestion and, when she is more deteriorated in her health, inquire about hospice services. She may qualify and they can provide much support if you want to caregive in your own home.