heartbreaking when children go astray

[Spookwriter]

Susanna,

I've read this post with a saddening heart. Several times, I've
come back to it as I find myself pondering my own thoughts.

What words can I find to encourage you this troubled night?

Speaking as a parent myself, our children have brought to our
lives the greatest joys. And the deepest heartaches. It's that thing
called Love, in it's greatest glory.

How wonderful to be blessed with three children. At the same time,
what an awesome responsibility you have towards your family. And
that family includes you most of all : That within you may be the
stregenth and the threads of steel as you guide your family.

Tonight you don't understand all the why's of the path your daughter
has choosen. But rest assured, there IS a reason. For all things happen
with a reason.

Even as you feel lost tonight, and question God for the reasons, perhaps
you're asking the wrong questions.

For even as you've led your daughter to this point in her life, there comes
a day when she's free to spread her wings.

We can not change that.

But we can change how we deal with it.

Do not ask how you failed. For you did not fail. But to ask God for the courage,
the grace, the ability, and most of all the wisdom, to teach your children to fly.

Her path may not be the one you would choose. But it is HER path.

But don't ever let her feel alone.

Hold the light bright in the window, that she can ever see the path home...



Darrell

 

[rhoda_bruce]

Your daughter and mine may have something in common. idk. The night she left home over 3 years ago was devastating for us. I was 8 months pregnant and I was so upset; there was really no consoling me. What happened that night was a long story that a lot of people wouldn't believe. We are Catholic and knew she was leaving and prayed together. Normally I would have lead in the prayers, but it was all I could do to get through the first one and then my husband had to take over.
When her ride showed up and she was being aided in moving, it was about the most desparate moment in my life, but someone else was there. I saw him. I even heard him speak, but I didn't know who he was. He was a very good-looking young man. I did find it strange later in thinking that he didn't pick up any of her books or clothes. I asked about the other man that showed up that night when I spoke with her 3 days later and she said there was no other man. So I questioned my other children about the man that was standing near the door and they didn't see him either. I knew then that she left, but she didn't leave alone......her guardian was with her.
She called me often and spoke of hardships. I was always thinking,'well what did you expect?' but I kept my mouth shut and was supportive and tried to help her figure out ways to fix her problems. 6 months after leaving me, she asked to come home. I think my exact words were,'You can come home yesterday and you can stay here as long as I am breathing. As long as I live, you have a place to come home to.' and then she started crying and I asked her if she was in the middle of a parking lot in Baton Rouge crying like a fool in front of everyone and she said,'yes, but don't worry. No one knows me.'
She still isn't exactly where I want her to be in her christian life, but I don't believe it is hopeless. I know she isn't alone. They are real, you know.....angels.

 

[lockedhearts]

Quote:
I think this is the hardest part... I am just crying and begging God to forgive me all the ways I must have failed her for her to make these decisions. The sad part is...lots of folks wouldn't even think alot of what she is doing is wrong. But we are Christians and everything she is doing is directly opposed to the way she was raised. God only knows the millions of mistakes I have made as a mom and the horrible examples I have set for her as a single mom. So much of this IS my fault. It makes me wonder how my other two who are still so sweet and sane are going to make it..

Can I just say, I too was raised Christian, I also went astray about the same age as your daughter, I screwed up over and over, my parents were always there, they did not push themselves on me but they were always right there when I needed them most. I went 2 years without speaking to them, honestly, as hard as it was for them, they did the right thing. If they had not backed off and let me make the mistakes, I would not be here today.
I am not perfect, but none of us are, as hard as this is for you, the thing you must do now is too turn it over to God, let yourself trust in him and in your faith. Let him bear the burden for you. Put your faith in him that he will get your daughter and you through this.
Always be there for her, I know it tore my parents hearts out watching me do some of the things I did , but I am now back where I should be, married to the man I was meant to be with and I have a great relationship with my parents and have grown up.
My life has not been an easy road, but because of the values and beliefs I had as a child got me through.
You have not failed your daughter, you are human. Even with our faith in God, we are still human and we still make mistakes.

HUGS to you and will be praying for all!

 

[jeaucamom]

The hardest part for her growing up (I think) was the dichotomy that both she and her brother having divorced parents that lived totally different lives. Their father and his new wife and family are very well off, very into looks and accomplishments and possessions, have no restrictions as far as lifestyle or morals are concerned. At my house, we have no TV, radio or newspaper, we live a very minimalistic life with no debt, few possessions, care more about character than looks and tried to teach strong Christian morals and values. Why wouldn't they want to go live with him? Throw in lots of imperfections in me as a full time parent. I did not abuse them nor neglect them. They had responsibilities and we had standards that came straight from the Bible.

The lessons she will be learning for this lifetime I could live with, it is the decisions that will have eternal consequences that are so very hard.

Thank You Darrell !!!...Now I am crying all over again

I know it sounds very much like I don't want her to be on her own or make her own decisions. She has lived with her dad now for a year and we have had very little contact. There are a lot of bad decisions in this life that are not permanent, but there are some you can just never walk away from. I am not in any way trying to control her at this point, I don't want to nor would I try. But of my gosh, it still hurts when they reject everything that is good and right.

 

[jeaucamom]

And at the risk of REALLY going out on a limb and opening up myself to criticism as a hypocrit...

I grew up in a Christian home, but my parents were so reserved nothing was ever talked about as far as moral and "boundaries" if you know what I mean. I guess we were just supposed to get it by osmosis or something. I was a very, very naughty teen and have lived decades trying to rid myself of the guilt and deal with the lifetime of consequences that life leads to.

As a parent I have given my kids the benefit of moral teaching that I never had and they have obviously seen the consequences of not living within those moral teachings in my life.

I just wanted so much more for her than what I have done.

 

[debilorrah]

My dear, as much as this hurts you right now, you HAVE to know that God leads all His children through many, many dark days to bring us closer to Him. If she started falling away, HE put her on this path and HE will see her through. Remember, raise up your children in the ways of the Lord and they shall not depart from it. You did, and you did the best you could with what you had. He will not lead her through darkness without a way out, and that way will make Him known to her like never before.

 

[b.hromada]

Quote:
You're so right. But by the same token, so hard to deal with when you go through it, huh? Here are some

for you. Please hang in there, it will get better. Like Katy says, they need our love most, when its so difficult for us.

 

[GaNewChick]

I pm'd you.

 

[cassie]

Parents are not responsible for everything. Chances are you did nothing wrong. Stand by her, but whatever you do, DO NOT BAIL HER OUT!!!! That only makes things much worse in the long run and you will be doing her no favors. There is nothing like taking the consequences for one's actions to learn life's lessons. If you bail her out, she will never learn them.

 

[Britney]

What ever you do stick to your household rules and curfews. If she is being irresponsibly If it were me I would not allow her to have friends over. The old rule is that you are your company. You need to make sure that her friends do not rip you off. And that your home remains your home. Lot's of luck, and hopefully it will pass sooner than later.