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I know I’ve only joined the herd a few hours ago. I just received a shaking phone call from my mom. She told me my nasty, horrendous, criminal brother passed away in prison a few moments ago. This is what I’d like to share.

This may not be an appropriate place to share this but I’m going to anyways. My middle brother just passed away. I’m having very mixed feelings about the news as well. The is the very same brother that would attack me with a baseball bat after school everyday for a couple of months. He has been in the corrections system since he was 13 years old. He was up for release from prison sometime in the next year or two. I have had nothing but fear for my life and safety and of those who mean the world to me. I had been preparing myself to protect myself and the ones I love most in life at all costs. I hate my brother. But, I have also found it in my heart to not wish him any harm and to find happiness, as long as he stayed far, far out of my life. I know I should feel sad for his loss of life but I don’t. I should feel relieved that he will never cause me or anyone harm ever again. But I don’t. I know I should want to be there for my mom, dad, and brother. Yet I don’t feel like I have any business being around for them as they mourn. I haven’t shed a single tear as of yet. The warden just called my mother about ten minutes ago and explained to her that they had been treating him medically all day. He had a medical emergency and that he crashed and they weren’t able to revive him. We don’t even know what the medical situation was at this point. We will find out more in the morning. I don’t feel anything. Nothing at all. I have no desire to see him one last time or go to his funeral. I’m not sure what my parents will plan for him. I know I have to go for my mom, dad, and baby brothers sake. I have not seen this brother for at least 15 years, probably more than that. He’s 43 years old, spent the last 25-28 years in federal prison for all of the crimes he committed and people he had harmed. Now what?
 
Hello and welcome!!

Death sometimes takes time to process. I, personally, have experienced a sense of profound relief due to a certain person's death. No guilt, no mourning, just relief. As time went by, some of that relief somehow morphed into guilt. The guilt passed quickly. These things take time to process, and often involve a myriad of emotional responses and feelings. It's normal, everyone processes things differently. And to not mourn for someone whom you didn't particularly like, nothing wrong with that either. Here's to a brighter future!
 
Thanks for sharing those lovely pictures of your little girl and her adorable "pets."

Losing a family member, close or not, affects everyone differently. I don't think I would lose any sleep over his passing either, but it is a good idea to support those that you do care about.
My husband had a very strained relationship with his (abusive) mother and he just couldn't wait for her to die. She lived in Georgia and I had only met her once in person, but she just passed away a month ago -right before Christmas, and my poor husband is suffering some terrible guilt, though I think he feels more relief than anything. We travelled to her funeral, and when people expressed their condolences over such a wonderful lady, he reminded them she wasn't that nice and they all laughed and agreed. When my grandmother (also abusive, but not to me) passed away, my dad and my aunt actually celebrated and sang "the wicked witch is dead" song and nobody could understand their lack of mourning. Everyone perceives death differently, even if it's not what's expected.
You never know, maybe those close to you will celebrate your brother's passing as well. Maybe they need you to remind them that your real brother was already lost so many years ago, and this man who just died only shared his name. Your parents lost a child, but they still have wonderful living children and grandchildren that they can be proud of! Sometimes what everyone wants to mourn is not just the loss of a person, but the lost possibility of "what could have been."
Through all this, remember that it's okay to be happy. You have great things to look forward to!
 
C Dohrer said:
I know I’ve only joined the herd a few hours ago. I just received a shaking phone call from my mom. She told me my nasty, horrendous, criminal brother passed away in prison a few moments ago. This is what I’d like to share.

This may not be an appropriate place to share this but I’m going to anyways. My middle brother just passed away. I’m having very mixed feelings about the news as well. The is the very same brother that would attack me with a baseball bat after school everyday for a couple of months. He has been in the corrections system since he was 13 years old. He was up for release from prison sometime in the next year or two. I have had nothing but fear for my life and safety and of those who mean the world to me. I had been preparing myself to protect myself and the ones I love most in life at all costs. I hate my brother. But, I have also found it in my heart to not wish him any harm and to find happiness, as long as he stayed far, far out of my life. I know I should feel sad for his loss of life but I don’t. I should feel relieved that he will never cause me or anyone harm ever again. But I don’t. I know I should want to be there for my mom, dad, and brother. Yet I don’t feel like I have any business being around for them as they mourn. I haven’t shed a single tear as of yet. The warden just called my mother about ten minutes ago and explained to her that they had been treating him medically all day. He had a medical emergency and that he crashed and they weren’t able to revive him. We don’t even know what the medical situation was at this point. We will find out more in the morning. I don’t feel anything. Nothing at all. I have no desire to see him one last time or go to his funeral. I’m not sure what my parents will plan for him. I know I have to go for my mom, dad, and baby brothers sake. I have not seen this brother for at least 15 years, probably more than that. He’s 43 years old, spent the last 25-28 years in federal prison for all of the crimes he committed and people he had harmed. Now what?
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Take one day at a time, and don't allow yourself to feel guilty about any of it. Your feelings are your own, and it sounds like you have plenty of cause for them, or rather, the lack of them. You know your family best, so do what you can for them, but I personally don't feel you need to pretend you miss your brother, or go to his funeral if you don't want to. If your family loves you, they will understand.
 
Welcome! I couldn’t agree more with some of the things already said - coping with the death of someone close is not easy, regardless of the relationship and the circumstances. Don’t be surprised about changing emotions, comments from others that don’t reflect what you feel or experienced. Don’t let guilt become an issue. I know it’s easier said than done but you don’t want to pick up that burden !
 

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