Help me with a few child custody questions please

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Love my Critters!, Aug 26, 2011.

  1. Love my Critters!

    Love my Critters! Songster

    Apr 15, 2008
    Carlsbad, NM
    The situation is my DH's sister is a really bad drug addict. She lives in North Carolina with her son that is 14 years old. He is drug from house to house and town to town and has already failed a year in school. He is a really good kid. This kid's father lives in Oklahoma and is also a drug addict and can't hold a job. The boy's father wants me and my husband to raise the boy. We are more that willing to do this. Our nephew wants to come live with us here in New Mexico. We have a normal life, we have jobs, there is always meals to eat, etc.. Our nephew's mom says she is fine with him coming to live with us BUT she is the type that will get mad at us for not giving her drug money when she calls and will try to take her son back. We do not want to get our nephew here, settled, started in school, and doing well just for her to uproot him again. She doesn't have money to come down and get him, but we are afraid she might call the cops on us and say we kidnapped him or something along those lines. Our nephew's parents never went to court for child custody, so we are assuming it is split 50/50 (?) The dad said he would sign over his "part of the custody" to us and have it notarized. The mom said she will write a paper saying we can make medical decisions and put him in school, etc. Will that be enough to keep her from yanking him back when ever she gets mad?

    Anyone with any experience with this please give me some advice. Our nephew is begging to come here with us and has recently been getting into trouble with the law, I don't want to keep wasting time.

  2. WingingIt

    WingingIt Songster

    Apr 16, 2009
    I know two families that are raising other siblings' kids. You need guardianship papers signed by a judge. This gives you the right to put them in school, take them for medical treatment, etc. It also keeps her from calling the cops and saying you don't have the right to have him there.

    There is also a chance that social services can help you out with some expenses as you'll be providing foster care (kinship-care) of a relative, but I'm not sure how that works with him coming from another state. I'm sure they'll be able to tell you, though. One of the families I know gets this, the other does not.

    Bless you for wanting to help him.
  3. cows and chickens

    cows and chickens Chirping

    Aug 15, 2011
    consult a lawyer. every state is different. your dealing with two unstable people. If you really want the child, than do it legally so the parents can't come back on you. PLUS if you are raising their child, they are still obligated to PAY for that child's upbringing UNLESS you adopt him.

    This will get real ugly real fast if you don't have court noterized paperwork in hand.
  4. kareninthesun

    kareninthesun Songster

    Jul 1, 2011
    I'd check with an attorney whom specializes in this field. And I'd start by putting it to record everything she says and promises, and make sure that there are witnesses. I'd also try to get a copy of his school records, his Dr records, and communicate if he is able to move with the school he's transfering to, the school pycologist, and a family physician. I'd keep a record of how he'd doing in school and leave clear paper trails to show why this move works for him.

    I went through this with my SIL. They were unemployed, then lost their house, lived illegally in the basement of a church, very short times in peoples homes. Her daughter was starting high school. Mom refused to communicate with the school in letting them know what was going on. Her grades went from great to failing everything and not caring. I begged her to let me take her in, and she refused because I would not assist her. She used her daughter to have people feel sorry for her. Medical in many places cannot be signed over unless you are the guardian. If she is getting any sort of financial assistance from the government, or might loose any monies from her ex, she may not sign away her rights.
  5. Love my Critters!

    Love my Critters! Songster

    Apr 15, 2008
    Carlsbad, NM
    She is not receiving money from her ex, but does receive food stamps. I guess I will try and set up a time to speak with a lawyer. I want to give this kid an actual chance at having a great life, but I am not willing to risk my freedom or my childrens welfare to do so. I didn't know if the father signs over guardianship to us if that was enough, or if the mother had to do so also.
  6. easttxchick

    easttxchick Lone Star Call Ducks

    Aug 3, 2009
    Without a court order, I'd be afraid to take the child across state lines-they could claim he was kidnapped and that's Federal.
    I'd file for emergency custody in YOUR state. That way, if the parents want to fight it, they have to figure out how to get to where you are and it doesn't sound like they would even bother.
    Good luck and God bless you for trying to help this child.
  7. Godsgrl

    Godsgrl Ostrich wrangler

    Aug 27, 2007
    at the zoo usually
    You would need legal guardianship to put your nephew on your insurance. Your best bet is probably to consult a lawyer to get everything legalized. I wish you the best of luck, sounds like your home is the best one for your nephew.
  8. fosterchick

    fosterchick Songster

    This is a tuff situation. In June my girlfriends son come from Texas to Connecticut to live with me. He is 17 yo and was living on the streets. He came on his own with his mothers blessing. His father died 7 years ago. I am signing him up for school but need his mother to also sign him up to because she has custody of him and he lives with me. If he gets hurt or needs a doctor she needs to be called because she has custody. He live with me but is in limbo. He is doing so much better with me than her. I have done theriputic care with children for years and do believe that my training is what helps him with his issues. The other thing is that his fathers family lives around me and is also willing to help out. In your case I would do anything to get your hands on the child but watch out and make sure that they cant legally come after you for anything. You need to be able to make all medical choices, if they both are drug users can they be reached and will they be able to make the right choice. At least the child has one parent that is willing to make right for the child even when he cant for himself. Good luck and keep us posted.
  9. WIChookchick

    WIChookchick Songster

    Aug 25, 2010
    Rural Brooklyn, WI
    I am sure this has been said...
    BUT if you have written proof of her saying she will "Black mail you " for drug money, OR yank her son away or claim you kidnapped him....
    Talk to a lawyer, give him the evidence, but don't use it, get the boy with you with legal guardianship, and the first time she tries to get money OR her son...
    Call the police.
    But have all your P's and Q's ready, get the kid into counseling and Ala Non, and tell him everyday you love him, you live his mom and dad, but you don't like them right now for
    what they are doing... and that you may have to do something he won't like...
    That being calling the police the first time mom or dad try something.

    Good luck.

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