help with social etiquette

[PamB]

I also would get a gift even if I wasn't going.

 

[Laurajean]

I think the whole gift or not gift really boils down to how YOU feel about it. The concept of gifting out of social obligation and/or pressure kind of irks me, it's a GIFT. If you're thinking, "Gee, I hardly even know her..." and say you don't have money (not that you said that), then heck no. But if you're thinking how nice she always is, and that you would like to go, but aren't very good in social situations, then yeah, get a gift. You know what I mean? Do what you think you want to do, not what you think you SHOULD do. It's a GIFT.

 

[welsummerchicks]

I don't know why not go. Showers - whether wedding showers or baby showers, generally are very informal these days and a lot of fun. Most of the ones I've been to, we laughed a lot, ate even more, and had a very good time. People came in or left whenever fit best for them, and it was just very relaxed. There always seems to be a gag gift - for example one group of gals had a tradition of giving this HORRIBLE pink sock doll at any occasion, one person would get it then eagerly plot an occasion when they could palm it off on someone else. It was hysterical.

I think that if you are invited, you should send a gift or give the person a small gift the next time you see them - hopefullly before the shower, if you are not going.

If it is not a very good friend it can be something inexpensive, there is no obligation to spend a lot.

I think that for showers these days, when many people are kind of financially not so well off, taking over some home made cookies, a loaf of bread, or a basket of eggs is just fine.

Really the most important thing is that the person invited you and that means they hope you share a special day with them. I am not sure it really is about gifts that much. The gift is really a courtesy. It is really nice if it can be something that will help them in their new life, with the baby, the husband or whatever.

There have been times when I didn't have any money so I made something - a nice photograph with a home made frame, things like that.

Imagine my shock when 35 years after I gave someone one of those 'cheap' gifts I found out they had it hung up proudly in their law office from the day they started practicing law til the day he retired. All the expensive gifts he got from people over the years (his family was very wealthy) and he hung onto that one!

People like the thought that is part of a gift and the caring that is shown, it's not really about money so much as caring.

OH! Another gift I made was a cheap wooden recipe box, then I took recipe cards, wrote out recipes on one side of the card and the shopping list for the recipe on the other side (!!!) and included one of those little flat tiny zip lock bags, of spices and herbs the recipe used.

 

[feather and mountain man]

Quote:
X2

 

[newfoundland]

Would these wedding and baby shower gifts be in addition to a gift given at the wedding or following the baby's birth, or instead of? It is traditional here to a secret collection at work and buying presents for the happy couple, or new mum. When I left work to have my first baby I was given lots of very beautiful and useful gifts. Some particular friends also gave their own individual presents. I agree it can be awkward if you don't know the person very well, but that's where having a collection at work comes in.

 

[SourRoses]

The concept of gifting out of social obligation and/or pressure kind of irks me, it's a GIFT

Ditto!

Alternatively, you could get a nice card that says something like, "Thank you so much for the invite, sorry I can't make it. Hope you have a wonderful shower!"

Ditto!

In the oldentimes of true etiquette, it was perfectly acceptable to send or drop by with a card if a person couldn't attend a function. In your place, I would find a card that was either funny or had truly sweet and meaningful sentiments.. OR my favorite is to make a card, something sweet and personalized. The way that people are (gals often), I would be concerned about buying something overly simple as a gift, that I may have people snickering behind my back at work, ect. In their place, I would have been happy to get anything and everything, useful and/or cute, but theres no accounting for what will happen at a function you are not present for. I wouldn't of attended the shower either, because unless you're a true social butterfly, it can be so uncomfortable to be among a larger group of people without knowing any of them well.​

 

[Mattemma]

I pass on these types of invites and I will not get gifts either. Birthday gifts got hugely expensive when you consider 2 kids with 20+ classmates,and then there are baby showers,weddings,secret santa,valentines gifting,and who knows what else. It got to be so expensive I now decline all except the kids school stuff,which I wish they would not do.

You know best what to do and whether a gift will be a good idea. If it is a must I would find a good deal at the discount store.Cheap but not super cheesy cheap,lol.

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

Yeah, I'd probably get a little something. It doesn't have to be much. I know I love shopping for little baby gifts though! I usually get something animal related like a little stuffed animal or a onesie with an animal on it.

 

[gryeyes]

Gosh, I must be totally lacking in social graces.

When folks at work ASK me (verbally, no invitation card) I always say, "No, I'm sorry - thanks for asking. I hope you have lots of fun!" If I get an invitation in the mail, I generally ignore it. That's just what a classless and thoughtless individual I am. If somebody leaves it in my cubicle or hands it to me, and it has "RSVP" I will call or e-mail as the case may be, saying, "Thanks for the invitation, but I won't be able to attend. I hope you have lots of fun!"

If it's someone I do like, I will pick up a couple of baby-related things that don't cost too much, but I think are cute, put them in a gift bag with a nice ribbon, and leave it in her cubicle. (I work earlier than many employees. Now, if Jim were to do this, I'd be in trouble, because he gets to work at 6 a.m. But Jim is no social butterfly, either....)

On the other hand, if it was something about chickens, I'd be there!

 

[debilorrah]

Personally I would get her something. But that's just me. If you are not attending it is not necessary to gift. Quite often people do not attend a shower or a wedding because they can't AFFORD a gift and it is quite rude to go to a gathering without one.