Helped an older lady, with a walker by opening the door...

[dewey]

Like everyone else, people with disabilities prefer to first be seen as individuals with the focus to be on their abilities instead of their disabilities. It's a matter of dignity to choose what they'd like to do for themselves or not do. Sometimes help is not needed or wanted. If assistance hasn't been requested, then before jumping in to help it's courteous to first ask if they'd like some assistance with _____ (fill in the blank). Everyone I know will say that the most difficult barriers to overcome are behaviors and attitudes, no matter how well intended. If an act is thought to be done out of pity it makes people feel demoralized.

I hold the door for any people right behind me, regardless of who they are. Sometimes folks farther away have called out and asked me to hold a door for them. Most will ask for assistance if they want it. Before standing and waiting for quite a bit holding a door for another, I've asked people if they'd like assistance with the door. Some say thanks, yes, and some say no thanks.

Who knows, you could have been the 10th+ time that day that another person assumed they couldn't do something for themselves and so they were understandably ready with a reply regarding a common erroneous attitude/behavior that makes them feel demoralized. Not that anybody would intend to make a person feel that way, and no matter how it made them feel, many folks would either just say thanks, or use it as a teaching opportunity...some teachers are very blunt.

 

[Hinotori]

I just smile at the grouches. I was taught to hold the door for anyone as it is the nice thing to do. I've found it quite often makes their day happier. I'll take their cart back in the parking lot, too, if I'm going past to the corral.

My husband is the same way. He's all "Yes Ma'am" and "Yes Sir" to people, too. And he gets a almost evil joy out of wishing people to have good days.

I'm glad to see there are quite a few here that are nice friendly polite people.

 

[Bessie1994Snider]

Quote:
I was always taught to hold the door open to. My mom would be

if us kids didn't lol

 

[BrattishTaz]

Florida is a bit of a strange place when it comes to geographical classification. You can see quite a bit of traditional southern mannors with a strong latin influence. We are southern when we want to be. Most of our accents have on and off switches.

There is an unwritten "code" that almost everyone just seems to know. If there is someone approaching the door and you are there, you are expected to hold it open. It doesn't matter if either party is male or female. Even children will hold the door. An approaching man will reach out to take hold of the door while women will usually just walk in. Elderly and disabled people also know to just walk in. I have never seen anyone offended by it.

OP- You just keep being a kind person. It is an admirable quality.

 

[dewey]

Quote:
I think it may have been the long amount of time you waited to open the door. I would find it embarrassing myself to have someone hold the door open for an entire minute for me, though I probably just would be red-faced and say thank you anyways. Just my two cents.

Exactly.

 

[mom'sfolly]

My mother uses a walker, and she hates the fact that she needs it. For many older people, seeing the changes in abilities and the betrayals of their bodies is very demoralizing. They hold like Hell to the things they can still do, even if it takes them a long time and a lot of effort. While you see holding the door for an older person as a helpful polite act, they may see it as an affirmation of their disability, and their hated aging. My mom does as much as she can for herself because it helps keep her capable, and affirms her independence.

Aging is not for the faint of heart. Some people can graciously concede that aging has changed their abilities and life. Others fight the process tooth and nail, and feel like giving in is moving one step closer to death.

 

[welsummerchicks]

I look at it differently. It's really about respecting the wishes, feelings and needs of others, it's not really about me and me feeling good because I helped and "I want to help people".

I would disagree with the statement, "I am still going to help people". I don't feel it's 'help' if it upsets or embarrasses the person, or they would rather do it themselves in their own way. Young or old, temporarily handicapped or permanently, people can be very proud and independent and that isn't such a bad thing.

I always ask first, 'should I hold the door for you?' and I only do so if it seems the person is having a problem. Today, a good many public doors have a handicap assist on them and as long as you are familiar with how the door works you can work it pretty well even if you have some mobility issue.

I respect that some people feel dependent or looked down upon if someone helps them do these things.

Sometimes people with things like canes and walkers have kind of worked out a way to get through the door and efforts to help them actually take longer and kind of confuse them and throw them off their rhythm.

And finally a lot of older or handicapped folks feel that if you help them, it will draw attention to them and other's pity, which they don't want.

So for me it is up to that person if they want to accept the help. If they want the help, then I do it.

If it is someone who is obviously struggling and really having a hard time, I try to get there. If a person has fallen, or dropped something and can't pick it up, those are occasions when I might not ask, when it's very obvious they're having trouble, especially if it is in an area where someone might run past and steal what they dropped. But I'd try to make it clear I wasn't trying to steal it, lol.

So I don't always ask - once a woman in a wheel chair dropped some groceries and I grabbed it (maybe a bag of oranges that broke, I forget)and what had fallen down, and said, 'oh these flimsy bags are such a nuisance', and she just smiled and said thanks. If I can, I try to not draw attention to their handicap and embarrass them.

Once I saw a blind guy stumble at a curb and I just involuntarily reached out and grabbed his arm, then said, 'sorry, that was just a reflex action'.

Ok so this is really funny.

He said, 'Are you beautiful?'

I said, 'No.'

He said, 'well then, hands off!'

 

[sj3364]

Here's what you do. Next time, say to the person who appears to need help, "May I help you with that?" Accept whatever answer you get with a cheerful smile. This shows respect for the individual. The lady wanted to open the door herself and it is appropriate for her to tell you so.

I didn't read all the way to the end before posting. I love the post above me and the story about the blind man!

 

[welsummerchicks]

I have an even funnier one.

I used to know a guy who was severely disabled. He was in a motorized wheelchair, and could not speak understandably, walk or use his arms much. In other words, very disabled.

So what this guy used to do in college, was go hang around in a sunny area, where a lot of people would sit in the sun, study, stuff like that.

He'd position himself near the sidewalk and wait til an attractive lady came ....bobbing...down the sidewalk.

Then he'd throw himself out of his wheel chair and lie there on the ground moaning.

And she'd run over and pick him up...

At least, that was what his best friend told me. So if you believe him....but to be clear, I rarely saw the guy to be without multiple females for companionship, all a kissin on him.....

you dawg you.

 

[country lady]

I am older but without the walker. My family opens doors or assists everybody, so it's not an age issue. Grumpy old people were probably grumpy young people. I especially thank and smile at young men who open doors for me with a "well, aren't you nice!" So many young men hesitate these days--maybe because they don't know if they will be thanked or scolded. DH says, "Thank you, Sir or Ma'am" to all ages. My elderly aunts used to love him for that and would pet him rotten. Good manners never go out of style.

There's a middle-age checker at Walmart and she calls everybody "doll" or "honey." It is so natural for her that I try to get in her line. I leave feeling good even if the weather is lousy outside.