hey married people i have a question (sry kinda long)

[Jolyn]

Quote:
I agree. When dh and i were first married we met most of our friends through a young married couples Bible study. Approach your pastor and ask about starting a small group.

Then i would suggest trying to find others with similar interests. There is a website called meet ups....or something like that. I'm always getting e-mails about another Meet Up group forming in my area. I'll look into that and see if i can't find you a link.

Edited to say....i just read urbanhomesteader's post and the link is right there!!!
Take care,
Jodie

 

[okiemommy]

I really wish i could have video taped my parents faces when at the ripe old age of 19 told them i was getting married. boy were they not happy.
so i went on a missoins trip to romaina (that they would never have let me doe had i been a minor) then i moved out. what a brat am i!

I don't think that any of that had to do with being a brat. It was part of your individuation from your parents and needed to happen. I realize that you said that jokingly, but I wanted to make that distinction. You are in a time in your life where you are learning your sense of self and who you are, and that it is separate from your parents. (Leaving and cleaving) And at the same time you are married. Both of these situations provide for some very stark contrast interests when it comes to friends.

Yes. It really does hurt when the friends that you were so close to now snub you. This happened to me as well. But they don't mean it personally. Some of them may be avoiding you because they don't know how to relate to you. Let's face it when our lives change, our way of relating changes. And people who are super friendly and find it easy to function in relationships easily on a certain level, can be left with feeling like the rug has been pulled out from under them in a new situation. The kinds of friends that you have, will change for you as your life changes. it's easy to be reluctant to befriend someone who seems different than you, and equally as easy to hold on to your own ideals of what makes a true friend. But if you let go of those two reins, and look for common interests(ie the younger couples in your church, or chicken club) then you may just find the horse knows where to take you.​

 

[KingsCalls]

Quote:
First of all, don't ever say that, you just never know. Live every day like it is your last!
Find something you like to do...for example , dancing and go and take dance lessons. Get involved in group activities of somekind that is mostly people around your age group.

 

[Cheekon]

Um what about BYC friends? Do we count?

 

[Cetawin]

It is very hard being 21, married and in essence having to answer to another person. Your single friends and singles in general do not understand that committment. It is tough to break through sometimes but keep trying.

I am a few months shy of 45 years old and my husband has friends, I have friends and "we" have friends. They are not always the same.

Talk to your husband about how you are feeling and let him know you would like some "girl" time...just to go window shopping, to the library, to a spa and invite one of your friends and let them know it is a girl's time only.

I go scrapbooking, on small trips like to a city nearby for lunch, shopping, volunteering and such. My husband goes out every Sunday and plays commando in the woods with the guys (he is retired military but he has not caught on to the 'retired' part of that) and every now and again he will go out for a drink with the guys. As long as you both are open and honest with each other, conduct yourselves appropriately and responsibly, you can be married and be an individual.

The jest of it is...you can be married and still be an individual. Singles do not understand that. So keep trying and hang in there, you will make friends.

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

I dont have friends, I have acquaintances.
My husband is my best friend. We dont go out. We dont even have the same interests. But he is still the only one who matters to me.(besides our daughter that is)

I have been hanging out with the same group of woman(moms, other day care providers) for 4 years now. We "talk" at the park and when we see each other at the local grocery or WalMart. But they dont invite me or my family to their childrens birthdays
(I invite them to our daughters) Or to the cookouts they host and invite the others in the group to. Last year they all went to the apple orchard and didnt invite my daughter or I to go. They planned it by whispering amongst themselves even with me sitting there within hearing. I cant say that it isnt hurtful, because it is.

The closest I have gotten to having friends was at the first barn I boarded my TB at. A father and son "team" Son was my age. Father older than my mom. But we talked about everything and I had a lot in common with both of them. I was never uncomfortable around them. I miss them and if it wasnt for the rising cost of fuel I would seriously consider a move back to that barn. Well that plus some of the other things going on at that barn were just crazy. I have a good relationship with the barn owner where I am now. But since she owns the place I board it is more of a business relationship rather than a friendship. Maybe once I am there longer it/I will feel differently.

And then there are the abundance of "online friends" that I have made over the last few years On my horse boards and now here. I have met a few from the horse boards. And will be meeting some from here on the 29th at Chicken Stock. With luck that will develop into some "real life" friendships. But I have no preconceived notions on it happening or not.

Also. Finding friends at work. Or changing a job to find friends.. isnt a good idea. Unless you find a job where you all have one common interest. Say working at a grain store, shelter or such.
While i met my husband at the bank we both worked at years ago. We really do not see the other friends we made. And three were in our wedding. My last job, out of an entire office I have one person that I consider my friend and we rarely talk due to time issues.

I am however, inviting some of the people from my husbands office to his surprise birthday party in July. He spends about as much time with them per year as I do. So it seems only right to invite them. But I will not be inviting anyone that I "hang out" with

 

[gumpsgirl]

Bless you heart, I know EXACTLY how you feel! I am a homeschooling mom who is at home with 5 children 24/7. My DH is a fireman and gone for 36 hours at a time, most of the time. I live out in the country and don't have any neighbors to talk to. (I have neighbors, but we have different interests.

) I have found that my sanity and friends are here on BYC! I have actually found another mom who homeschools and lives about 5 minutes away from me here on BYC!

My suggestion to you is, keep doing what your doing. I know that doesn't sound helpful, but you are going in the right direction. You are looking for volunteer opportunities, looking for a job, and are chatting with all of these lovely people here on BYC! People are out there! You just need to keep looking for them.

 

[ninny]

Quote:
Im from IL right on the border of IA by the QCA

 

[ninny]

First i have to wow and thanks! i never thought i would get such a huge number of replies. so thanks you guys!!!! I have to say that this board has some of the nicest people ever. Im been on different forums for different hobbys and i almost never get talked to on them so again wow. And im so interested in being a pen pal if anyone would like to.

 

[meriruka]

Nah, you're married.


Just kidding! We'll all be your penpal & innundate you with chicken pictures!