hey married people i have a question (sry kinda long)

[ninny]

So my question is how do you make friends?

Heres why i am asking. I got married 2yrs this october and i just can't make friends. I dont get it. I dont smell or anything. The friends i had before i got married are so busy with their lives that they very rarely return emails or phone calls so forget ever seeing them. Dh is five yrs older then me so his friends are okay but i need my own. we are active at church but no one thinks to ivite us or really me to anything. if we have a bonfire lots of people show up but no one wants to spend one on one time w me. im been trying to find someone to go walking w but everyone has something else to do or they back out at the last minute.

i was trying to get some coworkers together to go out to lunch and the one girl flat out told me that she couldn't be friends with me because im married and she doesn't want to have old or married friends. so i was like ok that kinda hurts but oh well.

Im trying to find a new job so maybe that will help. and im trying to find some crochet or knitting groups in my area 2. once i find a new job im going to volunteer at the pound. so hopefully that will open up some more intresting people.

I used to have tons of friends and always leading some sort of Bible study or some other group and now its like i have the black death. I just dont get it.

I mean im only 21 not going to die anytime soon. But enough complaining does anyone have any tips for me?

Im to the point of moving in town so at least ill have neighbors to talk to.

 

[arlee453]

Part of that just goes along with being married. Your focus is not the same as most 21 yr olds.

I think you are on the right track though - get involved in groups where you have an interest and you will be more likely to meet 'friend candidates' and you will already have at least ONE thing to talk about!

I do think that friends after you are married are different than friends you have before. It's a different relationship dynamic.

 

[DTchickens]

Well if they dont talk to you. You could try talking to them?

 

[luvmychicknkids]

Well, I am an "old" married person of 38, and honestly, MOST of my friends IS my husband.

We don't do a LOT with "other" friends. However, I do have tons of friends I meet through my kids school, neighbors, the park......just start talking to people. I am insanely friendly and meet people easy. Funny thing is, I FEEL extremely shy. I just push it away and start up conversations and make lasting friendships that way. I guess what I am trying to say is, YOU have to be the initiatior. Good luck.

 

[morelcabin]

Married people typically make freinds through thier kids...that's been my experience anyway. When they are babies you join playgroups, swimming lessons etc and you meet other parents there that are in the same boat. Since perhaps you don't have kids on the go yet then you will have to join some groups that interest you!
Hanging out with single people when your married is bad news to your marriage anyway. Especially at your age. Actually even at my age (38) teehee!

 

[AussieSharon]

I was married at 20 and found my group of friends changed. Wait til you have kids, then it really changes. Suddenly you have the plague!

As for the coworker who couldn't be your friend because you are married, sheesh!

I think you have the right idea... get active in groups. Check your local Craigslist for groups. Volunteering in something you love is a great weay to get friends with the same interest. Most of my friends when I was 20 were a good 10 to 15 years older than me, married with kids. I didn't mind at all. My hubby is 5 years older than me too.

Keep smiling, talk to people and friendships will form.

 

[scrapmom5]

I was married at 19 and recall losing the unmarried friends. I did find new friends through my church. I would invite them over for a BBQ or dinner...just one other couple, so that we could get to know each other. And every week I would invite someone new or if my DH and I really liked another couple we would invite them over again a couple of weeks later.

I have also started a community park day for my children where several of us would visit a different park every Thursday. Every Tuesday is a "field trip" where we visit museums, tour plants (candy factory or sewer plant) or even go to the local amuzement park. If I were you (and I assume you have no children) I would get involved with the local volunteer groups or like you said with crochet groups (we have one just up the street).

If all else fails...move to Utah...You will get invited to everything.

I also agree with luvmychicnkids...my best friend is my DH and I do spend all of my time with him. I have the other friends at the park days etc. But no one compares to talking to my DH. After 15 years it still works.

 

[debbyluvschickens]

I agree that friends after your married are way different than when you weere single. I am 25, and have been married four years. I do not have a lot of friends, but I do have some. In my opinion, its good to have friends that are also married, and that you and your husband get along with both of them. Have you tried visiting other churches, to see if you find one that you like better, with more people your age, or in your similar situation? Maybe take a class of some sort at night, where you might meet people your age? Also in my experience, I married young, and to find friends that are at the smae place in life as I am, I hed to make friends that were a little older than me. We get along really well though, because were on the same page. Does your husband have any family close to your age? I am really close to a few of my husbands female cousins. I also agree with luvmychicknkids, my best friend is my husband, and most things we do, it is just me him, and our kids. we spend a lot of time together.

 

[ninny]

We dont have kids yet so i bought a puppy. Im kinda using him as my kid. when ben plays softball i take kiowa and walk around and talk to people. Theres always other dog s there so im trying to find someone for puppy play dates. i gave my number to one lady but she never did call. oh well

Humm maybe ill just have to take kiowa everywhere he is such a good icebreaker.

poor ben though i must be becoming to much of a homebody cause even he told i need to get out more.

i wish there was chicken club near me.

does it get better when you have kids? we have been trying for a yr now but nothing has happened so far. or am i going to get snub even more?

 

[poopcoop]

I think you are on the right track with getting involved in activities. Start a Bible study for married couples in your age bracket. Activities and being active in your community is the best way to be recognized as a fun and energetic person that people want to be around.

Ray