Hey Parents - Difficult child

[EweSheep]

I'm dealing with this earlier this week until yesterday. Today she was not feeling well, not sure what's going on but hopefully she is OK.

Her teacher and dd was butting heads, she was being defiant and in turn, she was defiant toward us as well. And she is on the ADD meds but there is something troubling her. She won't say. She is 6 years old. AND she "copy-cat" a kid in her class that teaches her bad manners too.

 

[Carols Clucks]

I have one of those sons!

The his ped's doc recommended the book "The difficult child"

But if he is in school, ask his teachers if they have the same issues. He might just have them at home. But if they are at school as well, it might be good to have school assess him for disabilities. FYI-just because a child has a disability does not mean you have to medicate them if you are against it, it just means you have extra things as a parent to deal with and need to learn some new techniques.

 

[justbugged]

This is a post from Momagain1, that was posted on a different thread. But it applies well to what you are dealing with.

wow Sharon..I'll keep my poop, pee and puke thank you much!

Per the drugs; why can't you do some SERIOUS intervention...??
seriously; dont let it get worse...

saying the obvious:

counseling
inpatient drug treatments (he needs it..it'll b easier to deal with if its EARLY on instead of years and years of use)
FAMILY therapy
depression meds if he needs them?
homeschooling -- dont say you cant..u can..I can..I do.. it just takes commitment..
take away all priveledges. (SP)
Take away all "extra" stuff in room except bed and dresser and clothes and alarm clock and things to do
with "school work".

Get the "total transformation" program..its $$ but it worked wonders with my now 13 yr old..he understand
the difference between respect/disprespect, what he gets/what he earned, etc..
check ebay..

such as:
he used to throw a fit about what I fixed for dinner. ..well I didnt fix him dinner anymore..and didnt buy
goodies to snack on either..he stopped it...
He used to "TELL ME" what he wanted..then when I said no and he threw a fit..I ignored it and walked away
then; the next time he asked for something he wanted..i said NO..walked away.
of course the whine comes next but whyyy I said plain n simple: I said no, because I do not feel like
purchasing you something (or taking you somewhere) when you are disrespectful to me. Walked away.

Boy let me tell you..afte ra month of NOT backing down..its 90% better; not perfect..but we have many
more good times than not.

I also used it on my 16 yr old...worked great..but took longer...we butted heads to whole time..
she was even here a few wks ago (now 20) and I asked her to brown the ground beef..while I fixed the
rest of the taco stuff. She said "Ok, can you get it out and put it in the pan" I said um, no, I asked you.
1/2 hr later or whatever...it still was NOT done..the li'l kids were in here saying MOM whens dinner?? (mind you we
are used to eating NO later than 615..it was 7ish..) I said we'll eat when Big sissy browns the ground beef..and walked away.
Well..we ate about 8pm..

I'm not sure if you posted your post for help or venting..but please take this post with love and kindness
not as a "DO THIS" type post..just ideas...

 

[quintinp]

My step-dad would pick my little brother up by one foot or two (sometimes) and would give him spankings with his free arm, he is a bad kid now, but i just think it is because he is not disciplined, my mom doesn't let my step-dad spank him any more

 

[Rare Feathers Farm]

Quote:
Hey it works for roosters! LOL

 

[suzettex5]

This is a really tough subject since only you really know your child and only you have control over what happens in your home.

For me (I have 5 kids, 13 down to 2 years old, and raised step kids from ages 12, 14, and 16, they are grown and out of the house now), I have found I almost have to run things like we are a small Army. There is plenty of fun and spontenaity, but there are also die hard, no budging from them rules. Certain behaviors are simply not tolerated. Period. No screaming, no tantrums, no lying, no messes that arent cleaned up, and everyone has to help, I dont care who made the mess, we ALL help each other ALL the time.

Any screaming/tantrums gets a child sent directly to their room until they stop crying. I will sit and hold the door shut if they try to get out. I NEVER vary from the rules. I let them decide when they are done having a fit, and then they can come back out and join the fun. I do spank on occasion, but usually it is only a swat on the hand when they havent listened to my warnings that the stove is HOT.

I always use words like "We dont do this, or we dont do that" (whatever they may be doing wrong) I think it helps them to understand they are part of a larger group and that they need to fit in with the rest of us and behave accordingly.

In the end, I am a hu

 

[suzettex5]

This is a really tough subject since only you really know your child and only you have contro

 

[suzettex5]

This is a really tough subject since only you really know your child and only you have control over what happens in your home.

For me (I have 5 kids, 13 down to 2 years old, and raised step kids from ages 12, 14, and 16, they are grown and out of the house now), I have found I almost have to run things like we are a small Army. There is plenty of fun and spontenaity, but there are also die hard, no budging from them rules. Certain behaviors are simply not tolerated. Period. No screaming, no tantrums, no lying, no messes that arent cleaned up, and everyone has to help, I dont care who made the mess, we ALL help each other ALL the time.

Any screaming/tantrums gets a child sent directly to their room until they stop crying. I will sit and hold the door shut if they try to get out. I NEVER vary from the rules. I let them decide when they are done having a fit, and then they can come back out and join the fun. I do spank on occasion, but usually it is only a swat on the hand when they havent listened to my warnings that the stove is HOT.

I always use words like "We dont do this, or we dont do that" (whatever they may be doing wrong) I think it helps them to understand they are part of a larger group and that they need to fit in with the rest of us and behave accordingly.

In the end, I am a huge believer in Consistency. It is absolutely mandatory for us. Yes, we have fun and play, but when it comes to the rules, NO exceptions. In the real world, if you do the crime, you do the time- same thing around here. And if you have been good and not caused trouble- we all get to reap the benefits.

You could consider having strict, consistant rules about behaviors. Simply dont accept any negative behavior at all- they can go to their room until they change their mind- I think it gives them a sense of control to know they can decide when they get to get out, just change their attitude. I think with young kids they need a schedule as well that doesnt change alot, like they get up at a certain time, everyday, eat breakfast, get dressed, have activities, snacks and naps and chores, all within a certain timeframe. Kids crave consistancy, discipline, and most of all LOVE. I never give punishments without telling them why, and I always try to do it with love. I also always try to wait until I am not angry or frusterated before I discipline so I dont go overboard and then have to backtrack or reduce a punishment.

As soon as a child understands YOU are the first, middle and last word in their lives, it seems to be alot easier as far as attitude and behavior. In the end, it really is up to you, YOU are the boss. Most of the time, a child is a reflection of the parents (not including special needs, extenuating circumstances, and ADD/ADHD ), and a reflection of what goes on in the home. A 5 year old is discovering what they can control and how they can manipulate the people around them. Dont worry about them not liking you- they LOVE you, and they never stay 5 forever. And the better groundwork you lay now, the stronger you will be as a parent when the hard teenage years come.

I wish you the best! I know this parenting gig is pretty tough!

 

[cheri222]

My 6yo and 11yo both have major mh diagnisis. They are both adopted and came from poor situations. We have counselors in our home 3 days a week for 2hours at a time. Write down a set of rules and be consistant. Our children have to earn their rights. Nothing is free. We are currently following a Nancy Thomas program. After 1 month of using her guidelines, there is a difference. But we also understand it will take years. I was very against meds going into this, but for their safty and ours it is necessary. My 11yo's bipolar high yesterday ended with a smashed computer and this is on meds and with therapy. The 6 yo old will stay up all night and wander the house looking for food and weapons because 'he doesn't trust us to care for him' like the orphanage that tortured him. We tried the alarms but they sounded 30 -40 times a night. So now with sleeping meds and alarms and therapy, everyone gets about 5 hours a night before all h--- breaks loose. I would be on the safe side and get him an evaul, it can't hurt. The schools also have programs that help with emotional issues. Both children are in several school programs. Both children are A students when they are able to concentrate. Try browsing parenting books, we are also going to try the equestrian therapy this summer. Hope this helps.

 

[The Chicken Lady]

Quote:
Another vote here for Love and Logic.