How do I help my friend help herself (weight loss).

[Lunachick]

Alot of people say Atkins is not healthy. But I wonder, what's the alternative? Is it healthier to be obese? Nope.

A diet alone is temporary, you have to have the mindset for change, and it has to be a lifestyle change. It can be very hard. I hope your friend gets motivated for her own health, and you are a good friend to be there for her. I hope it all works out for you and her.

Oh - and for everyone else too!

 

[chickbea]

My only advice specific to your friend is this: if she visits her doctor for every other little complaint, but will not discuss weight loss, I would suggest she may need some sort of counseling. I'm hesitant to give any other advice, as I know nothing about diets, and advising medically unsupervised exercise to someone who is morbidly obese is dangerous.
For others who want to lose weight, however, a coworker just told me something cool that she has done. You all know by now what a supporter I am of local animal shelters. My coworker was bored with traditional exercises for weight loss, so she started volunteering as a dog-walker at the shelter. It's a win-win situation - the person gets in shape and the dog gets much-needed exercise and socialization. For someone who is really obese, even visiting with the cats and playing with them and cleaning cages is at least moving around and getting some exercise. Anyway, as her "reward" for losing her first 50 pounds, she bought 50 pounds of cat and dog food and brought it to the shelter. She took a picture of herself with all of those bags of food, and she keeps it as a reminder. She plans to do it again when she hits the 75 and 100 pound mark.
What really hit home with her is that it took her three trips to her car to carry the 50 pounds of food - she can't believe she used to carry all that around all the time!

 

[Cassandra]

Quote:

A study conducted at the University of California, Davis found that obese, female chronic dieters had substantially better health outcomes after two years following HAES as compared to a control group that followed a standard weight loss program.
Several studies show that exercise can improve health indicators for people of all sizes. Exercise does not necessarily result in major weight loss for obese people.
Health at Every Size is also influenced by evidence suggesting that many people have difficulty achieving and maintaining weights in standard recommended weight ranges. Furthermore, there is evidence to suggest that some weight loss treatments have detrimental effects on physical health (such as diet pills in the stimulant class, and gastric bypass surgery), and that the pursuit of weight loss is damaging to mental health.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Health_at_Every_Size

It's obvious that you care about your friend and want her to be healthy, to that end it might help her to put the focus on her health, instead of her weight. Especially if she has a history of dieting and failing at it. And I'd say darn near everyone who diets has a history of failing at it.

Weight going up and down dramatically is likely worse for you than being a constant weight, even if your constant weight is a high one.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entrez?cmd=Retrieve&db=pubmed&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=15175588

There is a spectacular post on Kate Harding's blog that lays a lot of information out, but as there is language in it that I wouldn't want anyone under 18 to read, I won't link it. If you're interested then look up the "Shapely Prose" blog and click on the "Don't you realize fat is unhealthy?" link at the top. While I enjoy the blog and think the information they present is brilliant I pretty much filter out the words I don't care for, but I would definately give it an "M" for mature rating.

Good luck and all the best to you and your friend.

Cheers,
Bonnie​

Bonnie, being an advocate of HAES and Size Acceptance, I'm not at all surprised that everyone ignored your previous post as if it wasn't even there.

We are so endoctrinated with the "must be thin to be healthy" propaganda that HAES sounds like an unknown language.

However, I would like to invite you (if you are not already a member) and anyone else who is tired of being judged by the size of your hips to join our group at SizeWise.

luvmychiknkids, I'm not trying to threadjack you.

My above comments were a little glib, but in all seriousness, if your friend has internet access, give her this link and have her sign up. We will not discuss dieting or weight loss at all. BUT we can offer her a lot of support in the other issues that she is struggling with. Such as finding a doctor she can be comfortable with (how to be comfortable with a doctor when she finds one!), how to find accomodations to help her achieve her goals, how to be as healthy as she can possibly be given her circumstances. They are a great and diverse group of people of ALL sizes (everyone on the planet suffers from size descrimination whether we realize it or not.) That I know of, our smallest member is a man who is barely 5' tall and weighs around 100 lbs. & our largest member is over 400 lbs. Not that any of us care, these are just sizes that I have seen mentioined.

http://www.sizewise.com/docs/lists.html (All of these groups are strictly monitored. Anyone is welcome to join any group, but dieting, weightloss and size hating is NOT allowed.) Family and friends of people struggling with size issues also welcome.

I know what a wonderful and caring person you are. Your friend is lucky to have you.

(group hug)
Cassandra

 

[WillsMama93]

The fish oil supplement is a great help in the weight loss battle, and it's fantastic from raising your GOOD cholesterol, and lowering your BAD cholesterol.
I'm a nurse at an internal medicine clinic, and we have some patients that take 2 1000mg tablets 2 times daily. I am starting back on these myself today.

And you are doing a great thing, to be so motivated to help her this way. Good luck and God's blessings to you both.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

I was really proud of her tonight. She went to buy fish oil capsules. She called me while buying them to see which ones I thought she should get and then proceeded to the checkout. I kinda casually said "so......what all are you buying?"...meaning NO JUNK!!!! She listed off a few things and I said "cool" she then said "WAIT" and asked the checker to tell me if there was any junk food of any kind in her cart. She explained to her why and we all started laughing. It was pretty cute and I told her how very proud I was of her. She has, over the past couple of days, bought bath yummies (soaps, pearls, foam, etc.)perfume, scented candles.....little things to make her feel better about herself. I am just really, really, REALLY proud of her for trying as hard as she is. Again, thaks to all of you who have given advice.

 

[Zookeeper9000]

Good for both of ya. Now tell her to get some grapes wash them freeze them on a tray then to put them in a baggie once frozen and they are really great treats. Also Walmart sells flavored water and you can put frozen fruit instead of ice and it makes ya feel like you are indulging in a great big fat treat, almost like a wine spritzer with out the calories. She can get some really great glasses at the $ store to make her feel even more indulgant. Happy life change and you both should be very proud

Edited to add that portion control is the biggest problem with life changes. It can sneak up and get ya at any time. So when I shop I make sure to wash all veggies and fruit and to put them in portions and bag them that way I can grab a portion and go without worry that I will over eat my portion. I also do the same with any other bulk food, and meats. Sometimes your just too tired or you need a fast eat and that measuring just doesn't feel worth it. Takes a little more time when putting food away but then it is done till next shopping day.

 

[flakey chick]

Quote:
That's one thing skinny people don't get about how much work it is to be fat. Fat people are often characterised as lazy because it takes so much more work for them to do the same things. People are so much more understanding for those who are pregnant. One April Fool's day I wore a maternity Tshirt and it was truly amazing how much different strangers treated me. (BTW I have been both significantly under-weight and over weight).

When your friend gets discouraged by her physical inabilities, remind her that she isn't just walking, but performing the equivalent of hiking with a ___ pound backpack. That is a feat even fit skinny people would have a hard time doing. Remind her that even though all the things she is doing to improve her situation are hard, being obese is hard work too!

 

[luvmychicknkids]

Just HAD to post this. Tonight at about 11:30 my phone rings. It was my friend on her way home from work. She said "I am SOOOO glad you answered your phone, I want McDonalds and I want you to stop me!" I talked her all the way home and through her food selections until she decided on a handfull of baby carrots, a shower, and bed!!! I am just so insanely proud of what she is doing and how hard she is trying.

Thanks, flakey chick....that is one thing I have reminded her several times and it is an important one. She has a cat so I use cat litter. Something she fully KNOWS the weight of. I say...just think, you are basicallly carrying X number of boxes of litter all day every day. I think that really made it hit home with her why she feels so tired and can't do a lot. We actuallly figured it up one day and she would qualify as 2 obese women. So yeah, I KNOW when she says her feet and legs hurt, they really do!

 

[Zookeeper9000]

I am really proud of both of you keep up the good work friend. She will start to notice the loss in her clothes first. And make sure she gets new sizes as she can fit into them. Go to good will if ya have to, but make sure she rewards herself with a new shirt or two. I buy 2 pair of walmart jeans (about $10 a pair) each time I go down 2 sizes and just wash everyday. It is important to get rid of the too big clothes if ya save them you set yourself up for failure.

 

[Buff Hooligans]

To add to the point about carrying around 20 or 50 or 75 extra pounds, I've come to realize that underneath all the extra padding that heavy people have, there must be some significant muscle! How can you carry that much extra weight around without developing extra muscle to manage the same activities as slimmer people?

Most people have 6-pack abs, it's just that they're usually underneath several inches of unnecessary fat. Once the fat is gone, wow, magic, the abs show!