How Do You Get Through It?

[English Chick]

I lost my mother five years ago last month..... I still miss her she was my dearest friend as well as my mother, we would talk on the phone every day without fail......

When she passed suddenly I thought I would never get over the pain.... it eases with time. I dug and planted a special flower bed in her honour, had a plaque made for it, and it has an arbour to sit in.... it is my special place.... here is a pic of it from last year... perhaps you could make a quiet place for your mom somewhere in your garden........

 

[gypsy2621]

While we all suffer the loss of dear parent, sibling, best friend One thing to keep in mind is:
As long as some one remembers the good the bad the ugly, the beautiful They are never truly gone forever.
While the body may wear out the memories are always with us.
and as long as the memories are with us a person never really dies.

You can always ask for guidance and it will present itself, look for little hints in everyday living and you will feel the love rain down.
While they may be gone from our sight, they will live on through memories and stories.

I always take comfort in a song:
There are holes in the floor of heaven and she is watching over you and me.

http://www.tangle.com/view_video.php?viewkey=f1a4ec7e49f58fa77093

 

[cackle]

Both my husband and I have lost both our parents. We had only been married 2 1/2 years when his mother died of breast cancer. It was a shame the doctor treating her did not give her proper follow up treatments and the cancer quickly moved to her lungs she was 55 years young. My dad died when I was 32 of colon cancer and that was hard. My mom died 8 years ago of lung cancer. And John's father died 1 1/2 years ago after a fall in which he broke his hip. This has all happened over the course of the last 30 years and each one has been very difficult. Today is my mom's birthday and I think of her and my dad everyday of my life.

What I found hard right after my dad died was feeling cheated when someone in their 50's and 60's talked about their parents who were still alive and well. But then I would realize there are young children that lose a parent and I am just glad I had them as long as I did.

Celebrate with your grandmother I am sure losing her daughter is still very painful to her too and you including her will probably help both of you.

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

no it does not get easier. but as other's said the pain eases with time. i'm at 10 years without my mom and it still awful. i avoid mothers day - i cant stand to see the folks that you saw bickering, rolling their eyes and being disrepectful to their mothers. you'll come across people who will say 'oh you're lucky your parents are gone." you'll want to smack them.

now that you're over the 'firsts' - the first thanksgiving without her, the first Christmas etc.... so it wont be so hard.

but wait until you get married. everyone will be there except the one person you really want to see cheering you on. then if you're me, you'll get the Worst Mother In Law ever. so it feels even more unfair that your mom is gone and you're stuck with that harpy because by sheer chance she gave birth to the most wonderful man on earth. so instead of my own mom out there in a goofy hat and oversized shirt that says #1 Grandma -- feeding my chickens and telling me that those are the best goats she's ever seen, and that i have the best property she has ever seen.... i get the MIL telling me that my chickens arent as good as the ones she has, that goat needs to have it hooves trimmed and i'll be lucky if i can get this property into shape in 3 years.

for a while i tried to find a substitutes - an aunt, step mom, etc. but the hard fact is that no one will ever love you like your own mom.

the best thing you can do is take every good thing that was about your mom and give it forward to your brothers and sisters, their children, your children for 364 days of the year. but on mothers day - i stay home from church, avoid shopping, keep the tv and radio off knowing the next day will be a little better.

good luck

 

[chickeypoo]

I have to say, I'm not great friends with my mom.. I love her dearly but we dont' get to spend much time together. We live about an hour apart and I just don't get down as much as id like. Reading this made me happy to have her. Made me realize there will come a day that she's not here. and that will break my heart. and i will have to deal with that pain when it gets here. But, i wanted to say, it's gotta be hard to watch people. I get the feeling you must work at wal mart. and that's gotta be rough. I havent' gotten my mom anything for mothers day, i just don't know what to get. Everyone here on BYC is here for you.

hugs to you.

 

[Sissy]

I lost my Mom a month ago. and this will be our first
Mothers day without her. just knowing she is no long here
is
really difficult.
We lost out first born and only son, 2 years ago to colon cancer,
a year later, I lost my sister to lung cancer.in 6 weeks. it came sudden . ( but a Heavy....... smoker)
and now Mom, she had a peaceful death. . and we were
with her all the days and nights, untill she said good night
Mother was 94 years old.and we were Blessed to have had her..
She was free of any hard illiness , her journey was a peacefull one.She just seemed to be ready for her new adventure.
But get easier No....
the hurt subsides but the heart never heals.

 

[newchickenfamily]

I'm so sorry. I lost my 30 year old brother 2 years ago and it is still so hard.

 

[Whispering Winds]

My mom died of pancreatic cancer also; in 1990. I still miss her every day. I was good to her though, and that helped me alot. I see people ignore their parents and go for days without talking to them. What a tragic loss. It takes 30 seconds to pick up the phone and say Hi. It does get better, but it also only takes a look, or expression or recipe for instance to bring her right back to me. I do beautiful florals for her and dad's grave (he died in 1979, three days before my HS graduation) and that makes me feel better too. They loved flowers and had over 700 tulips in bloom at one time and her roses were just outstanding. I don't feel jealous or anger at anyone who has their parents, but I do tell them to love them and appreciate them, as the day will come way too soon when they aren't there anymore. I was 38 when my mom died, and I do grieve for the fact that MY grandchildren never got to know her and dad. I was a change of life baby, and that was the worst part about being one. Always remember the good times, and forget the bad.

 

[NancyDz]

I lost my dad to cancer in 2000, Father's Day is still tough but a few years ago I started spending the day fishing... that was my Dad's favorite thing to do and I feel closest to him when fishing as I know he's smiling down on me...... happy I enjoy his favorite hobby too. Spend the day doing something your mom would have done or loved to do..... It's been much easier for me since I started doing that.

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

I suppose what makes it even worse...is that I'm going to my graduation ceremony this Saturday. I know it's supposed to be happy, but I didn't even want to walk. I want be able to make it through the day without bawling...and I've got at least 6 hours of graduation ceremonies to sit through.

Luckily, I have a boyfriend who drove me to the hospital when my mom was passing. I got there 2 hours before she passed. I like to think it was peaceful...but...idk. The way she opened her eyes like she saw us, and then didn't see us...it was awful...but also nice because you knew she was looking at something that none of us could see.

I inherited my mom's black thumb...LOL! I absolutely STINK at making things of green live. I killed a cactus and to PROVE it wasn't my fault...I got a dandelion. It died in 2 days...

My future mother in law...soon to be anyway...is a doll. I've known my boyfriend since pre-school and we've been dating for the past 4 years. 5 years in November. His mom is so sweet though. She took me shopping for a graduation dress. It was really nice of her...not the same but really nice.

And now comes the other issue. My dad is preparing to ask his girlfriend to marry him. What do I do? Do I give her a card or something? I mean...how do you do the right social thing? I like her...I see her as a friend, but not my mom ya know?

It's been a fair amount of time...2 years from when my mom passed...so...idk, I feel like I'm rambling.

Thanks everyone for your sympathy and your heartfelt words. I really do appreciate it.

I heard a song a week back that just tears me apart each time I listen.

Alan Jackson's "Sissy's Song"