How many are familiar with Asperger's ?

[gaited horse]

I have it but it's just hasnt officially diagnosed yet

 

[okiemommy]

thanks okiemommy, I will look into it.

No problem

 

[allmypeeps]

WOW Thanks for responding! guess there are alot of you out there then that KNOW my fustration.I am sorry for you but happy that it is becomming more well known.

On diagnosing:

there are NO two AS peopel alike. Symptoms vary from person to person as it goes extremely mild to severe.... Despite tests its is hard to diagnose someone- especially one who has it mild and is high functioning such as electricians, doctors, lawyers...it is because of their AS that they may be so excellent at what they do. It is typically seen as a socialization flaw...I.E why some high functioning doctors/laywers may seem to be 'personality-less' or 'cold'.

((Why the actor Keanu Reeves looks expressionless and monotone in all his movies.....))) But he's still oober cute!

People with AS LOOK completely normal and often do a good job 'fitting in'. Some can 'mock' appropriate behavours well. Thats why most peopel with it NEVER get diagnosed! their own families never think anything is wrong enough to seek diagnosis as a child...all child have awkward fazes where they do say odd things or have trouble fitting in/get picked on. Children can also be a product of their environment which is why often they get diagnosed with nothing, or with add or other things first...

Adults usually are seen as odd, pequliar, 'a little off', or picky or all other various things...but rarely is it even considered that there may be an actual REASON for this. Usually only the people whom attempt to have intimate give/take realationships with these peoepl can figure out its more than just a 'personality flaw' as many AS people cannot really ever LEARN from their mistakes thus creating a perpetual viscious circle....having the same marital strife over and over and over when in fact you thought you all ready adressed it... the NON-AS spouces/family members get whats called 'cassandra syndrom' ...which is basically depression caused by having lived thru this round and round strife that you can perdict what will happen next and after than and so on, yet no one believes you because often others cannot see AS peopel as you do and think its YOU who is crazy....not the person with AS.

Alot of people when they are older get diagnosed by their SPOUCES because after such great srife w/ trying to connect with them and failing we start figuring this can't me 'normal' so we seek answers and eventually come to find out about Asperger's.

Convincing them THEY have it is another can of worms...luckily my husband realized he probably does have it...

At FIRST this helped us...we have been married 5 years. 4 were HELL. this past year I saw simularities between my him and my AS brother. I told him not to be insulted but I thought he had it too. At first he was mad at me (of course- I basically said 'gee honey, I think you have a mental disorder)

but he agreed. I stopped feeling mad at him and he started trying to control his AS....however since he has gone back to his old ways and ONLY after CRYING and brining it to his attention he is being ASPIE again he will try correcting it...but its a rocky roller coaster, and frankly I have motion sickness!!!!
I dont know how much longer I can deal.

I used to be on AS Parnters on Delphi Forums. Its was great, just hard bouncing aorund between this and that.

 

[allmypeeps]

Don't want to offend those who DO have it though....

It is equally fustrating for them I am sure.

My husband often feels 'stupid' when I cave to explain the same thing to him again and again, or when he doesnt know what to say in social settings and it makes things awkward. Though this is fustrating for me, I know it is for him too.

I recently made a friend who I started to discus AS with because dinner at there house was ...a little awkward.... anyway She replied to me she had never heard of AS but that after talking about it with her SHE thinks SHE HAS IT TOO!....

I was glad to help her discover AS, but SHEESH!!!! I thought I would finally have a friend to complain to when things arent going right...NOW...I find I have to watch what I say and how I approach things with her because she takes things to heart and is very sensative and literal.....all the AS things I deal with with my husband I now have to be careful with my new friend...and at the moment she is my ONLY freind really so I am losing MY MInD!!

 

[Jena]

WE had a very good thread going here about Autism and HFA and Aspergers. It has been extremely helpful and may give you some insight to read the posts there.

It is also difficult for those who have these difficulties, and are trying to "fit" in a society that is in no way equipped to be either tolerant or understanding.

Already you can see from the responses you have already received, these issues are only now really coming to be understood, and the numbers recognised are growing.

But I think it is important to remember that there have been people battling with the isolation caused by all of the issues on this spectrum for a very long time. They have not lost their minds, they just think differently.

there are many mothers watching their children trying to grow up and deal with these issues, and there are some amazing people with a different view of the world.

I will find the thread and post a link for you. The people on their have knowledge and are willing to help. Good luck.

 

[Jena]

https://www.backyardchickens.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=141121&p=1


There is a lot of information on this thread from people who have a great deal of experience and knowledge. They have helped me a lot, and I am sure they would also listen to your particular problems and may have some insight.

 

[allmypeeps]

Thanks,

I mainly have issues dealing with my husband in his 'mild' form of it. For him he is literal and says cold hurtful things though he doesnt 'realize they are hurtful' then goes off saying I am just sensative...after i 'expain out' my feelings and how they are normal not over sensative and give examples of the more appropriate responses he could have shown then he 'suddenly gets it' and feels bad...but tomorrow it will be the same.....

I think maybe I shouldn't stir this community up with my rants and raves about this topic...I might take mysef back to the AS Partners forum I am apart of as it is intended strictly for the rants of 'fustrated spouces.'

That way I don't hurt anyone's feelings on here. Thats not my intent. I think I'll stick to discussing chickens here....

 

[gaited horse]

Quote:
thats how I feel sometimes

 

[redhen]

Quote:
What else does he do to make you think he has it? besides being rude to you? this very much interests me!..i have a friend...and i SO want to make her see things arent right in her marriage..the way he treats her...they all (her and 4 children)..walk on egg shells just in case they upset him. Does he have Aspergers?? ..OR could it be that THE GUY JUST DOSNET GET IT..as in...hes going to say what he wants because hes the "man" and a good old fashioned jerk!....not just becaue he "forgets" its not polite to say certain things?....i wonder if some people are using the Aspergers theme to get away with just being plain old "rude"? How can we tell the differance????

 

[Rosalind]

Had a co-worker for a while with Asperger's. This was not a personality quirk that no one other than a family member or spouse would realize--you knew it instantly, after talking to her for all of 15 seconds. This was not just saying hurtful things; Laura never said hurtful things, she was very kind and helpful to people and generally a good and well-meaning person. She was not really what anyone would consider "high-functioning," either, her flat affect was quite severe and made it difficult for her to communicate and understand the corporate culture. Yet she was a brilliant analytical chemist, and certainly managed to hold down a job, lived on her own, had many hobbies, wrote music critiques for the local entertainment magazine.

Please don't label your spouse/friend/relative as being autistic or on the autism spectrum simply because they have a quirky, odd personality, unusual interests or hobbies, or you just don't "click" with them personality-wise. Certainly don't excuse nasty behaviors on the grounds that the person has Asperger's! Like anyone else, Aspies might be nice people or nasty people and the Asperger's has nothing to do with that.

I think it's really terrible for people who are genuinely autistic and have Asperger's that the diagnosis is being abused to mean "anyone who isn't getting along with others right at the moment." There have been many studies showing that there really is NO increase in the number of autistic people that cannot be explained by changes in diagnostic criteria. Some people have terrible personalities for other reasons, and it has nothing to do with whether or not they are autistic. Being a jerk is not a neurological disorder.