How to deal with...

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by greenfamilyfarms, Feb 12, 2009.

  1. greenfamilyfarms

    greenfamilyfarms Big Pippin'

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    Feb 27, 2008
    Elizabethtown, NC
    How do you deal with a person that is constantly on your case for something that happened in the past? Things have been forgiven on my end, and I'm at my rope's end. What else can I do? Ignore them? Plea with them to forgive me? The verbal attacks are very hurtful with their mainly passive aggressive manner. People, including myself, make mistakes! [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2009
  2. birdsofparadise

    birdsofparadise Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Nov 15, 2008
    North Kohala, Hawaii
    My daughter at age 8 had the perfect response when kids did this to her. She just smiled, and held up her hand in the classic traffic cop "stop" position and told them to tell it to the hand.
     
  3. danielnv

    danielnv Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Jan 19, 2009
    Mountains of Virginia
    Maybe you could advise them to get on with their life, and leave the past in the past. That you have apologized and deeply regret the choices that were made..."so please, for your own sake forgive me for my mistake so you can move on with your life." It is so hard for some people to live in the present to work toward a better future. The past can't be changed, only the future.

    You have to make sure that if someone else fails to move on, that it doesn't stop you from moving on. Set your mind on what you want for yourself in the future, and work toward it. Think about your life purpose and focus on that.
     
  4. maplesky7

    maplesky7 Flock Mistress

    Jun 14, 2008
    N. IL.
    it's over and done...appologies have been issued...go on with life and ignore them.

    if they persist, say in a gentle tone...It seems as if you are still angry about this. I have forgiven you and I would ask that you come to forgive me. I will no longer be a party to these talks for they make me feel sad and hurt. I can not live in the past and continue to live drudging up old hurts. It is time to move on and be at peace in life and with one another. If you can not come to a level of forgiveness and persist on making my life miserable...I will no longer be able to be in your company.


    ...or something like that.
     
  5. HennysMom

    HennysMom Keeper of the Tiara

    Sometimes the easiest answer is often the hardest choice in a situation like this:

    you walk away and leave that person, all their negativity and baggage of the past - behind you - where it belongs, permenantly.

    Sometimes there just is no forgiveness in others no matter that they tell you "I forgive/forget" - they will be like barbed wire for life, always sticking when they feel the need and it cuts very keep.

    Its not worth your emotional or physical health sweetie - as hard as it may be to do - just walk away and leave them where they stand. You dont need their forgiveness for THIER sake - you only needed it for your own. To forgive another is not for their doing - its for yours - otherwise it will eat you up and turn you inside out (which obviously, look what its doing to this other person - spiteful, vengeful, and mean).

    My thoughts are with you... [​IMG]
     
  6. greenfamilyfarms

    greenfamilyfarms Big Pippin'

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    Feb 27, 2008
    Elizabethtown, NC
    This person finds me and criticizes my every action and word. I've let it go a long time ago. I've prayed for the situation and for the person. I've left it in God's hands.
     
  7. I have WHAT in my yard?

    I have WHAT in my yard? Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 24, 2008
    Eggberg, PA
    I made the decision a long time ago that I could choose what people I was willing to have in my life. And I chose that mean or unnecessarily critical people would be let go.

    Then I had children.

    So, I don't think any of us can help you without knowing who this person is to you. It doesn't matter so much what you did as why you keep them around. Sometimes, my kids say outrageously mean things to me. Some times I need to tolerate my in laws because they are important to my kids. There is a whole host of reasons for putting up with the person and a whole array of methods for dealing with them -- but they all depend on who this person is to you and why you tolerate the pain. Only you can figure out if the pain is worth trying to fix or if you should walk away.
     
  8. HennysMom

    HennysMom Keeper of the Tiara

    are they a "real life" or "on line" person?

    Either way, first and foremost you need to tell them you no longer wish to have any communication with them and if they continue down this path, you will look into necessary actions as needed- block all means of communication with them; block emails, block their telephone number by calling the phone company, block their cell phone number, etc. Keep records with dates and times, and photos/print outs if necessary to back up your story for the future if it need come to that. If that doesnt work and they get around it by using other peoples phones or getting different email addresses - then change YOUR phone number and email address, explaining to the phone company why you've had to change it. Many times they'll waive the fee if you're being harrassed. If they continue to harrass you - tell them one time and one time only that you will call the authorities on them, end of discussion. Will it tick them off? Probably - but... are they ticking you off and upsetting you? Yes. Is it worth it to your well being? Absolutely Not.

    You said you've tried to walk away and do the right thing - they wont let you and keep finding you. You have the control here - if you keep handing it over to them, they know they have the control over you sweetie.

    Hard to do, but sometimes so very necessary for our own well being.

    Hang in there... I'm praying for you. [​IMG]
     
  9. luvarabhorses

    luvarabhorses Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Oct 1, 2008
    Hector, Ar
    The only person that ever did that to me was my exhusband and it was part of his way of practicing his control over me. I tried for a long time to be perfect and the pressure was enormous not to make any mistakes. Finally, I came to view it as a sickness and had to leave. Don't know if this helps or makes things worse. Lisa
     
  10. joebryant

    joebryant Overrun With Chickens

    Quote:Smart daughter!

    I'd do the same if I were the OP, but I'd also make use of my middle finger as well as my hand.
     

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