How To Have Kids That Grow Up To Like Each Other

[deb1]

Another thread got me thinking...

I am very blessed. My four kids all get along. Of course, they occasionally fight with one another or get nasty. But for the most part they act kind toward each other.

I know a lot of families where this is not true. So, I was wondering if any of you have advice to other parents about getting your kids to like their siblings?

I am trying to think what I did differently then other people.

When my children were little, I made up things that they could do for their new brother or sister, like getting me wipes or diapers. This took more time but it helped them to feel involved.( I also did the same thing with housework and now my kids clean up the house LOL)

When they got in a fight, I punished both kids. This is because if the older one hit the younger one, then probably the younger one did something to annoy the older one. If they fought over a toy, I removed the toy for a day. (This rule didn't apply to a few special toys. If they had a favorite stuffed animal, for example, they didn't have to share that.)

I really think that how you treat the sibling relationship when they are young will affect their attitudes toward one another when they are older.


My kids still bicker, but for the most part they get along well. So, if you are parent with kids that get along decently then write what you did. If you are a teen with siblings that you like more then dislike, tell us how you think your parents helped you all get along.

 

[deb1]

I don't know if this helped my kids but sometimes we have family time where we all play games together.

 

[Ol'FashionHen]

I have three sisters and we used to fight when we were little but by the time we were teens we all got along fine. I love my sisters and we always tell each other that we love one another. If I love someone I tell them, I know some folks have a problem saying that they love you, but not in our family, or our church. And when we were little we could pick on one another but NOBODY else better or they'd get a fat lip

. I love my sisters dearly and praise God for putting us together in this Ol' world, and if they hurt my feelings or I think they may have made a poor decision on something, we talk about it

, even if we get mouthy we still say I love you before we leave, even IF we yell it at each other

.

 

[Wildsky]

For my two kids, the best thing is time apart from each other to play with kids their own age.
They're 4 years apart and don't have much in common (boy 10 and girl almost 6)

But after they've had a good day at school playing with their own friends, they're much nicer to each other.

 

[sunshineinsc]

My kids are 11-2 years old but they are each others best friends. They will actually tell their friends they can't play because they are playing with each other.

I was/am very determined that my kids would be close. I think teaching them from an early age that we are responsible for each other and we will help each other has contributed to them being close.

From the time I brought my 2nd home from the hospital my oldest was responsible for helping me with her. He would sing to her, help diaper her ect. As each baby has been born the older ones have helped. I let them do everything, I never tell them they can't touch the baby or hold the baby ect. This is their baby as much as it is mine.

I stress to my kids that we are a family and family is the most important thing.

Don't get me wrong my kids fight with the best of them but it never lasts long. They will stand up for each other in a heart beat.

 

[agnes_day]

my 9 and 12 year old fight constantly...if they arent fist fighting, they are calling each other names..but then they will play together and act like best friends.

 

[australorpchick]

That's an interesting question. My sister and I are close in our own way. We talk to each other several times a week. We've never been affectionate. We try not to touch each other at all. We don't tell each other we love each other. We know we do, it just seems really, really weird to say it, same for the whole touching thing. Yes, this is my full-blooded, raised with, older sister. We grew up with lots of affection, perhaps too much (my mom's a leech). We just realize that each of us has very different personalities and appreciate what one has that the other's missing. For instance, my sister is quick to tears, empathetic, social and puts up with my parent's nonsense. I have a quick temper, very take charge, much less social and have threatened to change my number if my parents didn't stop irritating me, but I also try to make sure everyone is taken care of and have provided food, clothing & shelter in the past.

I think it's good to point out to your children as they grow up, that everyone's different and has faults. Love them for the good stuff and the bad stuff.

 

[PotterWatch]

I don't know that there is a trick to it. My sister and I, (we are 19mos apart), were always very close growing up. We rarely fought and shared a room until we moved to California when I was in eighth grade. However, when we were in high school, she became involved with a boy that really took a toll on our relationship. He wanted to separate her from her family and did a pretty good job of it. We were never as close after that. She lives very far away from me now, but we do talk on the phone sometimes and make an effort to see each other at least once a year. She had a baby earlier this year and I think that both of us having kids will give us some even ground to talk about. Other than that, we don't have a lot in common so it's sometimes hard to have a conversation. I hope that we become closer again as the years roll on.

I also have two older brothers who also live far away. My oldest brother isn't much for family stuff. He didn't attend my sister's wedding or meet up in Ohio for my Mom's 60th birthday like the rest of us did. For some reason I don't know, he just doesn't like to spend time with us. I almost never talk to him. We don't call each other and we haven't managed to visit. I have met his oldest son, but not his youngest. He has met my kids once. The younger of my brothers is super busy these days with his own stressors in life. When he lived nearby and we were both single, we would hang out together a lot. Since now we have our own families and live so far apart, we don't talk much. We call each other a few times a year and get together as much as we can, but he is very busy and doesn't have much time for anything.

I wish that my family were closer. I kind of envy those people who talk to their siblings all the time, but we are all so far away and our lives are so different, that I think we all find it hard to keep in close contact. Just to give basics: I am 32 and live in California. My sister is 33 and lives in Ohio. My youngest brother is 38 (I think), and lives in Ohio. My oldest brother is 40 and lives in Texas.

ETA: My own boys, ages 7.5 and 9, are very close. They do pretty much everything together. I hope that continues!

 

[Elite Silkies]

I have a 14 yr old boy and 8 year old twins and they can't get along at all. The twins don't even get along.

The only fix I can think of is ummm me, going to the Crazy House!

 

[Pupsnpullets]

I have a theory: it's about kids doing anything they can to get attention from their parents. Bad attention is better than no attention, and when the kids get really mean to each other it's the frustration of not having their needs met coming out.