How unacceptable is it? Opinions

[purr]

Quote:
this happened to me my sister in law asked to borrow the money to pay her mortgage, I gave it to her ,she asked me not to say anything to my brother in law. She said she would pay me back next month.I did not expect it back the next several months she got deeper and deeper I ended up lending her over 4000.They went to the casino which they couldn't afford to do but she couldn't explain that to her DH so they went. They hit a $16,000 jackpot and she paid me back. But I never thought I would see that money again.

Never lend money you want back.

 

[orcasislandchickens]

The thing is , if someone realy needs the money. I mean realy needs it, they probably are in a situation where paying it back right away is just not possible. I have loaned money to family and freinds, but I always figure it is gone for good. I usually loan it on the terms that I am giving it as a gift and they can repay me or do something similar for someone else when they are on their feet and out of the woods "a few years from now". I then forget about it and do not consider it a debt.

Sometimes it is just easier to take care of a pressing need for them and let them get back to the buisness of just getting by with a little of the pressure removed. My kid needs brakes on his car and so my husband took it in to the dealer for him and just had the work done. But my son also had to have a car to use in the meantime, (add 2 day cheepo loaner car) while the work was being done to get to his (low paying) job. Or he would miss work, and move himself into position for probable layoff if work slows down. Things can snowball fast when you are near bottom, and those of us helping have to be careful how and when we offer. We also find extra work for those between jobs, and pass down good household items, and appliances, replacing some things a little more often than we would if the item were not of so much use to a struggling relative or freind.

 

[BethinIrving]

Orcas, you're another jewel!

 

[BFeathered]

I almost never "lend" money. If money is "lent" it's as a gift with no expectations of repayment. It usually comes back to me in some other form, which is sometimes even better. That being said, I'd rather help out with the actual need, not just throw money around. (case in point, the folks begging under bridges for food money that will just go buy drugs or alcohol with any money they get)

 

[orcasislandchickens]

No I'm realy not a jewel. Actually I'm kind of hard hearted. But I have been there and I understand it can be hard to allocate resources wisely, when you don't have any resources to allocate. Sometimes the persons problem is a mate with an attitude or addiction problem, and sometimes it is simply that once you are realy in a hole or on the bottom of the pile, it can be very hard to climb out again without assistance.

I have also been a little further up the economic scale, and I also understand how hard a lot of "rich" people who "have it easy" have actually had to work.

Rich or poor are pretty arbitrary concepts sometimes. I have no respect for the pocket pickers and petty theives of either class. I actually do believe in those "values" of right and wrong that are so often given lip service only. I realy do.

 

[curliet]

We had a family member that was having lots of problems, real problems and so we understood when they came to us and asked for help. I told them to get together the bills that were behind and bring them to me. Then I wrote the checks directly to the utility companies and the mortgage company, and made copies of the actual bills, putting them in my files so as to keep track of what we had paid. We gave them back the satellite dish bill, and the cell phone bill, saying that they would have to figure out which luxuries were really priorities and pay those themselves. In essence, we brought them up to date on most necessities, didn't ask for anything back, but made sure that if they needed help they would understand that they wouldn't get money. It gave them a chance to take a deep breath and get on top of things, and are fine now.

 

[redhen]

i dont blame you for being upset..the fact is, he said he'd pay you back..and as you said,you have 1 income..he has 2..and i'm sure you need the money also!, but were just trying to help him out... WITH the expectation of getting your money back!!..so you could pay YOUR bills!!...so,of course he should pay you back!..now, if you had XTRA money to just GIVE him, i'm sure you would have done that...but, the fact is we ALL are hurting these days...he needs to pay you back..hope you see your money again..,,,AND, since he couldnt even be decent enough to call and say.."hey, i'm still short of money right now...but, i havent forgotten that i owe you the money"....i wouldnt lend him any money again..OR give it for that fact...since he cant even call you to explain why he cant re-pay you right now...honestly..its about MORE than giving and loaning..its about how he is avoiding you...thats the real problem..not the money issue...best wishes, Wendy

 

[debilorrah]

When it comes to family, if I can't afford to give, then I can't afford to loan it either.

 

[unionwirewoman]

When we had the money...we lent it out on one condition....Collateral . You want $800 , you give me something in return that's worth it . This is a true story...We now have a $1200 generator in our garage...the guy borrowed $800 6 months ago . The only thing he has done is to help cut up the elk my hubby got ( actually he didn't do anything...his wife tried ) But at least we can sell the generator close to what the loan is worth . Never lend money to anyone unless you have something they want back and is worth equal or more to what they owe .

 

[cjeanean]

Wow, there are a lot of really nice people on here who will willingly give to someone in need!!! That's AWESOME, and congrats!!!

----------------------------With that said, can I have some money???