how would you feel if?

[chixie]

you found out your dd decided to leave your grandsone to her and her boyfriends roomate if something should happen them? I found out this by accident. she has been using one of my cell phones and she texted roomate asking him this(roomate is a single guy with no children who likes to party all of the time and is a womanizer) we got the phone back and she didnt delete the text for some reason. Ayden (GS) had a trach. done last January. I am the one who goes with her her and baby to all apointments and stays with her at the hospital and the only one that goes with her to his surgeries. I am the one who doesnt work so when he needs to go to the doctor ect. she has someone to help her. I am the one who comes and babysits so when she doesnt get enough sleep at night she can sleep in or even stays with him when she is sick... but I am not good enough to raise him if something happens to her and db... I know all his medical history and how to care for him and cpr... roomate doesnot...

My heart is broken. I feel so used. If this babyt needs anything I do with out so he gets it. I change my plans just so I can help her... Am I wrong to be upset. Babys daddys family hardly sees him and they live closer to him than Ido (i could handle it even if they chose that side of the family) but to give him to a non relative who has no experience with children.

sorry I just needed to vent...

 

[debilorrah]

I would feel the exact same way you do. BUT it is their child and therefore it remains their decision who they want to raise the child if they die. I too would be heartbroken, feel used, and I would need to know why.

I think before you ask, you need to recover for a few days.

 

[mulewagon]

Most likely they are just thinking that a guardian would need to be young. They're likely pretty young themselves, and aren't planning on dying any time soon. They doubtless expect to outlive their parents, so why would they name their parents as their children's guardians?

Even if this friend isn't the best person for a guardian, it isn't a permanent appointment. It can be changed anytime, and doubtless will be as they get more mature.

So don't take it as an insult, okay? I wouldn't mention it at all.

 

[onthespot]

I'd mention it. I'd try to sit on it a while till I was not upset. Maybe text her about it, since that is how you found out anyhow.

I might even mention it next time she wants someone to watch him, buy him diapers, babysit, go to MD apts, call the pharmacy, clean his trache, sit up with him when he doesn't feel well, maybe he can lend her money when she is tight too...

 

[turney31]

Quote:
Sorry, but I agree with this.

 

[zippitydooda]

Goodness gracious woman! Your feelings are HURT. And you are ALLOWED to have those feelings. You don't have to feel guilty for having those feelings, either.

I would be hurt, but then.... I would probably be more angry. It would make me extremely MAD if I felt used. Perhaps your DD hasn't made it legal though. Sometimes young people simply have conversations, tossing around ideas. Maybe if you flat out offered to take him in the event of their demise, they might reconsider their first choice. I don't know if I would even let her know I read the text. I think I would just bring up the subject out of the blue.

At the least, you would be letting her know YOU love your GS and would be there for him. Your DD might think you wouldn't want that responsibility since you've already raised your child.

How old is your DD? Just curious.

 

[redhen]

IMO?? Shes showing her immaturity. If she really thinks that that guy would raise her child better than her own parents?? Wow...

 

[punk-a-doodle]

I would sit down and talk to her in person. Anything else sounds like it would be speculation or festering feelings at this point. There could be a million explanations ranging from she didn't think you'd want to take on a kid after raising your own to purposefully leaving the text message on there for you to see for whatever reason. Sit down, discuss, and keep in mind that ultimately, it is her decision. Whatever happens, fully explore your feelings, but first see what it is you are reacting to for sure.

 

[chixie]

she is 20.. and usually really mature. I really believe it has to do with the babys daddy... she should at least pick someone who knows how to care for his medical needs...

Talking to he rtoday about it.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Let us know how the conversation goes. We did not choose DHs mother either even though she is the one who takes care of the kids. She was very hurt and angry until we walked her through the whole reasoning and the legalities including the paragraph in our wills which says the new legal guardian (my sister and her husband) MUST keep her in the kids lives. In our case it was about age and money. Not only did I not think MIL had enough energy left to take on raising two kids, but she has never been good with money. The likelihood is very high that FIL will die first and I was totally not comfortable leaving her in charge of the kids' trust fund. She a good woman and she did a good job raising her one son (my DH), but I watched her with the other kids and as a sitter and I don't want her to be fully responsible for them.

Look at it this way: if she is even thinking about this issue that shows some sign of maturity on her part and the text is no proof of what she actually did. We discussed it with several different people before we made up our minds!