Quote:
Did you read the whole thread? I am not sure scripture is what the OP wants right now.
Did you read the whole thread? I am not sure scripture is what the OP wants right now.
Husband just died
- Thread starter michickenwrangler
- Start date
I've read through a lot of this thread (although not all, so please forgive me if this had already been mentioned), but have you thought about trying an online dating site? Match or e harmony? You had mentioned that you wanted male companionship, and that may be a good way to find someone to talk with, who *should be* single, but without the pressure of jumping into a relationship too fast or finding someone who can't handle your beliefs. It would all be out in the open from the start, and you could find out if there is a connection before you even meet.
Also, you seem like such a wonderful person, it's heartbreaking to hear you say you don't think you're attractive and that there is something wrong with you. Guys will be attracted to you if you give them a reason to be. If you think you can't attract a man, one won't get close enough to discover how wonderful you are. So, do something for yourself physically to make yourself think you're a hottie! Get a new haircut, buy a new outfit, whatever. If you walk into a room thinking you own it, someone will notice! It may not be the man of your dreams, but who cares! Go have some FUN without worrying about finding Mr Right
Good luck with all of this, I know you are going through so much more than any of us can understand. But if I were in your shoes, this is what I would do whenever the time felt right.
Also, you seem like such a wonderful person, it's heartbreaking to hear you say you don't think you're attractive and that there is something wrong with you. Guys will be attracted to you if you give them a reason to be. If you think you can't attract a man, one won't get close enough to discover how wonderful you are. So, do something for yourself physically to make yourself think you're a hottie! Get a new haircut, buy a new outfit, whatever. If you walk into a room thinking you own it, someone will notice! It may not be the man of your dreams, but who cares! Go have some FUN without worrying about finding Mr Right
Good luck with all of this, I know you are going through so much more than any of us can understand. But if I were in your shoes, this is what I would do whenever the time felt right.
Quote:
Did you read the whole thread? I am not sure scripture is what the OP wants right now.
2x
Did you read the whole thread? I am not sure scripture is what the OP wants right now.
2x
See, I do and have always felt that there is something wrong with me. I was never good enough to make my parents happy, I had a younger brother who played football, won 2 state championships, played for a Big 10 college team. He didn't make pro (due to a knee injury, he WAS scouted by the Pitssburgh Steelers the year they won the Superbowl, 2006-ish?) but has a lucrative job with an oil company and now lives out by Napa Valley in a posh area of northern California. They often say how proud they are of him. Meanwhile, they tell me I should move back downstate (even when Wayne was alive) and I never should have gotten into teaching. They even introduce me to people as "Gordon's sister" never "our daughter." Likewise my daughter is always "Gordon's niece." I have confronted my parents on this, but when I did I was told it was Gordon's wedding and I shouldn't make a scene. They haven't had the chance to introduce me to anyone since, so I don't know how they would do it now. My own dad thought it was "wrong."
Ah...I know how you feel in that respect.
My Sister:Graduated at the top of her class.A homebody.NOT A REBEL.Had no interest in drivers license until 19. Didn't drink or smoke.Perfect manners.Never suspended from school.Captain of the cheerleaders.Went to a private girls college.That girl could do no wrong.Of course she was dad's favorite.(our mom died when we were very young.)
Me:SOO shy. No way I would have tried out for cheer leading or been in beauty pageants. Got driving permit at 15.Drank,smoked,suspended from school.Wanted to see a guy that was too old for me and so it was forbidden.(he was 5 yrs. older.) I rebelled and saw him anyway on the sly.Always knew that if dad had let it run its course it would have never been over 3 mos. max.I still managed to graduate as a HONOR STUDENT. Did dad EVER acknowledge? No.He was too caught up in anything/everything to do with my sister.
He bought her most anything she wanted.I was always too young for those things. I must have stayed too young cause I didn't get them at her age either.
When I was 16 and working out the money to buy my first horse I was not going to have enough before school started again so dad did pay the difference. Shocked me for sure.
Growing up with a family in which you never fit in for whatever reason can really mess with you.I know.
I do know how you feel in a lot of ways. Not pretty? I know you are but I understand that no matter how many times ppl tell you you are doesn't make it true in your mind. You will find fault with your looks anyway. Me too.I just want you to know you are not alone with your thoughts.
Old men? When I was single and used to go out it became the joke that the only men interested in me were old,hippies or nerds. Don't discount the nerds. Had a 9 yr. relationship with one and it was wonderful to be with someone that was not an idiot. Old men? I don't date now but if I can find a certain one again from my past...who knows?
Oh,and about the lonelyness. I know how it can eat at a person.I know how lonelyness can cause bad choices.I don't have any advice.In fact on this post I don't really have any advice. Just wanted you to know that I understand a lot of what you write.
I keep remembering more of your posts and keep wanting to address. Lovey dovey? Me? No.Not the bond you think you should have or want with child?
My twins were very premature.Spent a long time in the hospital.I remember the idiot doctor saying "Just look at them.You can't touch them."How can a mom bond with that deal?
When I see these moms that have the most loving way with their kids and are kid magnets,I ache inside for what I would love to have. Don't give up on the bond. My twins are adults now and we are much closer than I would have ever thought.
You have a lot going on and your trials are in my thoughts.I wish so much good for you and hope for your life to change.
Ah...I know how you feel in that respect.
My Sister:Graduated at the top of her class.A homebody.NOT A REBEL.Had no interest in drivers license until 19. Didn't drink or smoke.Perfect manners.Never suspended from school.Captain of the cheerleaders.Went to a private girls college.That girl could do no wrong.Of course she was dad's favorite.(our mom died when we were very young.)
Me:SOO shy. No way I would have tried out for cheer leading or been in beauty pageants. Got driving permit at 15.Drank,smoked,suspended from school.Wanted to see a guy that was too old for me and so it was forbidden.(he was 5 yrs. older.) I rebelled and saw him anyway on the sly.Always knew that if dad had let it run its course it would have never been over 3 mos. max.I still managed to graduate as a HONOR STUDENT. Did dad EVER acknowledge? No.He was too caught up in anything/everything to do with my sister.
He bought her most anything she wanted.I was always too young for those things. I must have stayed too young cause I didn't get them at her age either.
When I was 16 and working out the money to buy my first horse I was not going to have enough before school started again so dad did pay the difference. Shocked me for sure.
Growing up with a family in which you never fit in for whatever reason can really mess with you.I know.
I do know how you feel in a lot of ways. Not pretty? I know you are but I understand that no matter how many times ppl tell you you are doesn't make it true in your mind. You will find fault with your looks anyway. Me too.I just want you to know you are not alone with your thoughts.
Old men? When I was single and used to go out it became the joke that the only men interested in me were old,hippies or nerds. Don't discount the nerds. Had a 9 yr. relationship with one and it was wonderful to be with someone that was not an idiot. Old men? I don't date now but if I can find a certain one again from my past...who knows?
Oh,and about the lonelyness. I know how it can eat at a person.I know how lonelyness can cause bad choices.I don't have any advice.In fact on this post I don't really have any advice. Just wanted you to know that I understand a lot of what you write.
I keep remembering more of your posts and keep wanting to address. Lovey dovey? Me? No.Not the bond you think you should have or want with child?
My twins were very premature.Spent a long time in the hospital.I remember the idiot doctor saying "Just look at them.You can't touch them."How can a mom bond with that deal?
When I see these moms that have the most loving way with their kids and are kid magnets,I ache inside for what I would love to have. Don't give up on the bond. My twins are adults now and we are much closer than I would have ever thought.
You have a lot going on and your trials are in my thoughts.I wish so much good for you and hope for your life to change.
Quote:
Did you read the whole thread? I am not sure scripture is what the OP wants right now.
Definitely important to read the whole thing. The OP is not of a Christian faith.
Did you read the whole thread? I am not sure scripture is what the OP wants right now.
Definitely important to read the whole thing. The OP is not of a Christian faith.
Quote:
Speaking strictly from experience,,,, a lot of men will. I've been single for almost 20 years by choice, not because of the lack of men out there. I even gave up using the kid and animals as a threat to get rid of them lol!!
Bahaha~ I have to chime in here! Because I think that's why I keep getting animals to~ *** MEN STAY AWAY*** !!!
Speaking strictly from experience,,,, a lot of men will. I've been single for almost 20 years by choice, not because of the lack of men out there. I even gave up using the kid and animals as a threat to get rid of them lol!!
Bahaha~ I have to chime in here! Because I think that's why I keep getting animals to~ *** MEN STAY AWAY*** !!!
Quote:
Speaking strictly from experience,,,, a lot of men will. I've been single for almost 20 years by choice, not because of the lack of men out there. I even gave up using the kid and animals as a threat to get rid of them lol!!
Bahaha~ I have to chime in here! Because I think that's why I keep getting animals to~ *** MEN STAY AWAY*** !!!
OK I have alot I want to say to you, as words of encouragement from one single mother to another... I didn't want you to think I just came on here and made a funny comment so I wanted to just let you know I will be sharing some things with you. I have read this thread from Page 1, hence it took me a while! But let me just tell you something Short~Quick and Sweet in the meantime... You are a Beautiful Woman~ you listed some of your admirable traits on here, therefore you already know this somewhere inside. When you refer to yourself in a negative way at times also, your always thinking that is how a guy is going to see you. They are going to see in you, how you see yourself! Beauty stems from the heart itself, no amount of makeup, hair dye, or clothing can cover up an ugly soul. When you see yourself as beautiful you will begin to radiate that beauty. And no man can give you that. This is a journey for you to rediscover yourself. Not to turn into that 19 year old depressed, hypicritcal person who thought she'd alwasy be alone (I think that's how you phrased it) but instead to find true freedom in life, to be who you have always desired to be with no limitations. That feeling of loneliness is partly from losing your husband but also is because you do not still know who you are and you struggle with these insecurities and do not realize the beauty that is within. I have so much more to share with you so I will be back on this later... Please remember you are not alone, You have had so many responses on here from people that genuinely care.
Tiffany
Speaking strictly from experience,,,, a lot of men will. I've been single for almost 20 years by choice, not because of the lack of men out there. I even gave up using the kid and animals as a threat to get rid of them lol!!
Bahaha~ I have to chime in here! Because I think that's why I keep getting animals to~ *** MEN STAY AWAY*** !!!
OK I have alot I want to say to you, as words of encouragement from one single mother to another... I didn't want you to think I just came on here and made a funny comment so I wanted to just let you know I will be sharing some things with you. I have read this thread from Page 1, hence it took me a while! But let me just tell you something Short~Quick and Sweet in the meantime... You are a Beautiful Woman~ you listed some of your admirable traits on here, therefore you already know this somewhere inside. When you refer to yourself in a negative way at times also, your always thinking that is how a guy is going to see you. They are going to see in you, how you see yourself! Beauty stems from the heart itself, no amount of makeup, hair dye, or clothing can cover up an ugly soul. When you see yourself as beautiful you will begin to radiate that beauty. And no man can give you that. This is a journey for you to rediscover yourself. Not to turn into that 19 year old depressed, hypicritcal person who thought she'd alwasy be alone (I think that's how you phrased it) but instead to find true freedom in life, to be who you have always desired to be with no limitations. That feeling of loneliness is partly from losing your husband but also is because you do not still know who you are and you struggle with these insecurities and do not realize the beauty that is within. I have so much more to share with you so I will be back on this later... Please remember you are not alone, You have had so many responses on here from people that genuinely care.
Quote:
Did you read the whole thread? I am not sure scripture is what the OP wants right now.
Definitely important to read the whole thing. The OP is not of a Christian faith.
No sorry I didn't...
Hope not to offend!Just trying to empathize but I guess I should have read the whole thread...my deepest apologies
Did you read the whole thread? I am not sure scripture is what the OP wants right now.
Definitely important to read the whole thing. The OP is not of a Christian faith.
No sorry I didn't...
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- Thread starter
- #520
Actually, he and I are talking again.
Amazing how much better communication is when it is done face to face instead of through voicemails. We're going to give it another shot after school lets out and we both have more free time and it will give me some time to get sorted emotionally. He said that while Creation is something he does take very seriously, he does have friends who believe more like me and he figures if he can accept them, he can accept me. When I apologized for coming across as needy and for not being considerate of his schedule, he said, quite sincerely, "You have absolutely nothing to apologize for."
I have thought about internet dating sites, but I want to meet a man, not a profile.
Again, we'll see how it goes with him. In the meantime, I'm going to the UP for an endurance ride.
Amazing how much better communication is when it is done face to face instead of through voicemails. We're going to give it another shot after school lets out and we both have more free time and it will give me some time to get sorted emotionally. He said that while Creation is something he does take very seriously, he does have friends who believe more like me and he figures if he can accept them, he can accept me. When I apologized for coming across as needy and for not being considerate of his schedule, he said, quite sincerely, "You have absolutely nothing to apologize for."
I have thought about internet dating sites, but I want to meet a man, not a profile.
Again, we'll see how it goes with him. In the meantime, I'm going to the UP for an endurance ride.
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