I almost made an @ thread.

[rainplace]

Sometimes I just get mad at people. People can be so mean and hateful. Or at least it seems that way. Maybe a better way to think about it is that sometimes people are unthinking and careless with their words. Is ignorant meanness any less mean?

 

[hikerchick]

Sometimes the truth hurts, though. should we lie to one another, or say what we honestly think?

It's an interesting dilemma.

 

[Slinkytoys]

That's why "little white lies" exist. If I can't say something nice, I try to keep my mouth shut.

Doesn't always work, mind you......but I try to find something nice to say. It may be, "Gosh you have a large vocabulary".
Slinky

 

[Bettacreek]

Momma always said, "if you ain't got nothin' nice to say, don't say nothin' at'all."

 

[rainplace]

I think sometimes it's better to say nothing at all. If we know something can be hurtful, then maybe taking the time to decide if it needs to be said is the better course?

 

[hikerchick]

But if everyone just nice niced each other to death we would never have any true communication. You can't possibly agree with everything. I was taught that being mealy-mouthed was the worst sin of all. Better to be honest and risk people not liking you. With people who only tell you what you want to hear, you never really know where you stand.

 

[ranchhand]

Grandmother Lucy always said "If you can't say something nice, say 'How interesting'. "

 

[Dar]

Quote:
there is a difference between:
being nice and hurtful
lying and hurtful


it is possible to be nice and tell the truth but not be hurtful. When people say things just to hurt someone... that is wrong

 

[rainplace]

Quote:
So you're saying that no matter what the hurt, the cost, the whatever, say what is in your head if it is the truth? It does not matter if it is relevant? It does not matter if you could get your point across in a way that led to discussion instead of argument?

If I see an ugly person, it's okay for me to go up to them and say, "You're really freaking ugly," because it's the truth?

If I'm with a group of friends and one of them has bad breath, should I say so everyone can hear, "Your breath is terrible, why don't you go brush them?" Or instead should I pull them aside and offer them a mint?

 

[hikerchick]

Quote:
So you're saying that no matter what the hurt, the cost, the whatever, say what is in your head if it is the truth? It does not matter if it is relevant? It does not matter if you could get your point across in a way that led to discussion instead of argument?

If I see an ugly person, it's okay for me to go up to them and say, "You're really freaking ugly," because it's the truth?

If I'm with a group of friends and one of them has bad breath, should I say so everyone can hear, "Your breath is terrible, why don't you go brush them?" Or instead should I pull them aside and offer them a mint?

Well, I don't see how anything could be gained by telling a stranger they are ugly. So, no, I am not saying no matter what the cost or relevance the truth must out. What I mean is, sometimes it is kinder to be honest than to keep letting people lie to themselves. My friends and I support each other in everything but we also tell the hard and ugly truths to each other. If we didn't, I don't see how we could say we were more than acquaintances.

When someone starts a thread crying because his house keeps burning down, it's not unkind to suggest he stop playing with matches.