I don't know what I'm going to do

[1stepcloser]

Quote:
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Chickenmaven]

The fact that he kept you home with HIM as your only focus is troubling to me. The fact that he abandoned you, rather than share your attention, is another warning sign. He is a manipulator. Now, he is trying to control your perception of this situation by playing the role of friendly advisor. Do not fall for it, my friend!

I would not be surprised if there is another woman in the picture, a new lady who is willing to focus ALL of her attention on him. You do not need this selfish person in your life. Do not let his selfishness force you to give up your dream of being a parent.

 

[Wifezilla]

#1 Get an attorney
#2 Document EVERYTHING!
#3 BREATHE!

#4 Get therapy. Seriously.

#5 HE IS NOT A GOOD PERSON. If you are nice to other people, but treat your wife like crap and abandons a baby... YOU ARE SCUM

#6 DON'T TAKE HIS WORD FOR ANYTHING
He knows you are weak and vulnerable. Someone who would leave you in that state will also take advantage of you in that state.

#7 Get a therapist. I know I am repeating myself, but you need someone to help you be more independent.​

 

[The Chicken People]

Hey Sweetie! I just want you to know you are not alone! I was fresh out of high school when I gave birth to my first son. Yes we were to be married, but he cheated! Finally that relationship ended but not before number 2 was on the way! I met a REAL MAN! Truman accepted me , my son and my unborn baby and was there for me during the loss of my infant son Jacob! He also had three children he was raising because their mom was an addict! There are good men out there that will love you and your baby UNCONDITIONALLY! With that being said, you have received a lot of good advice on this post! Be sure not to dismiss any of it! He is not your friend! People who love each other do it forever! We just celebrated 16 years of marriage and our children are all over the age of 18! I am their mom and he is my sons dad! Don't let him tell you how its gonna be ...you tell him...with that attorney! I am here for you if ever you need anything at all! Let me know if its a boy I have a lot of gently used items! Good Luck and keep your chin up! You will drown in your own sorrow if your head is hung low!

 

[Bettacreek]

What a total scumbag. I know you still love him, but he doesn't deserve you AT ALL. He doesn't deserve your love and the gift of your child. I cannot believe that anyone would do such a thing. I'm sorry that you and the baby are going through this. If you need anything, you can contact me through myspace. Maybe sometime I'll have to plan a trip to come and see you.

 

[Camelot Farms]

Quote:
thank you. I will try looking into it. I know he will do his part financially I do trust him to do that. He's already offering me money to keep me a float here. I feel like trash taking it, but as my mom says he owes me it so take it. I only took 50 from him for food,he wanted to give me more but I guess when I need more then I'll ask for more. I wish I drove... i wish i had a CAR to start driving. All around this sucks bad.

I am glad that he is saying that and this is not meant to bring you down but I cant not say it...Dont trust the man who is walking out on your family. He says this now, but when it comes down to giving you money or doing what he wants, you wont be the priority, he has already shown that.

I am not trying to be harsh, just honest. It kills me to see people taken advantage of and there will come a day when you will be glad that you chose to do things the legal way.

Right now he feels guilty for what he has done, in a few months when that guilt has started to go away, he wont be so generous. It cant hurt to look out for yourself.

Blessings and all the best...Kim

 

[agnes_day]

i would be very careful about your adoption plan..obviously he will be ok with it because it will absolve him of any responsibility. if i were you, i would maybe check into getting a certification of some kind while you are pregnant, so that you can get a job after the baby is born..then you can get him for child support, alimony, and you will also get a good tax refund since you will be eligible for the child tax credit. don't let him being an immature jackass scare you into giving away your child, show him that you are strong and can make it without him and that he wont be let off scot free.

 

[Livinzoo]

Nikki,
I'm divorced and will tell you something I wished someone else had told me up front. Go talk to a lawyer now. Over the phone if you have to. The longer you wait the more time he has to try to manipulate you.

I am the opposite of you as I am very independent, mostly since the divorce. Take a deep breath and decide to survive.

If he gives you the car make sure he signs the title over to you. You don't want him to get a wild hair and decide to report it stolen or anything.

But you need to work on getting your license. Maybe take a defensive driving course.

Get some counseling. It will help.

Adoption is a wonderful thing. But that on the back burner for a little bit and wait till the emotions calm down a bit. Make sure it is the right thing for you and the baby, before getting a couples hopes up.

Again, get a lawyer.

You can do this. I didn't have kids but I had a house, the payment on that alone was my monthly earnings. I canceled what I could, put everything I had to on credit card and did my best to survive. I sold stuff, I listed a room on the internet and got a roommate (I made up a contract). I decided I was no longer going to allow people to walk all over me. My 1st husband was an addict. Clean when I met him (so he says) but dirty before and after. He finally agreed to go to counsiling for his addiction and turned it on me. Said I was the reason he did drugs. Counselor helped me to take action. He got me my own therapist who helped me to understand I could control my own life.

I was afraid. I wondered who would ever want a divorced woman. I dated a few of the wrong men. And then I gave up. I focused on being happy with myself. And then I met the love of my life. I thought there had been other loves, but let me tell you no man could compare. We have been together less than 3 years and married just a month. My first marriage was over 9 years ago. My new husband completes me. You can and will find that someday.

If you ever need to talk let me know.
Crystal

 

[ranchhand]

Please don't kill me anyone, but I am so troubled by this horrid situation that I have to speak. I can be harsh at times, but it all comes from experience.

Yes, DH is being a jerk. Sounds like he needs to grow a backbone. But YOU need to grow one, too! This no longer about him, it's about you and a child. You are faced with a challenge, step up and meet it.

You and how you act are currently being driven by some very strong hormones.
Decisions should be put off because of that. It is affecting your personality and you may not be aware of how. Time to grow up and have faith in yourself, though.

You do need to become more confident and independent. Get Mom to start teaching you to drive, and practice it. Start asking now about how you can get help- contact an attorney about the separation and divorce issues, contact a local job skills training office about learning, find a job.

Document everything, and don't take his word for anything. Trust me on that one- once the papers are signed it's probably bye-bye. And you won't get a cent after he disappears on you.

You've got 6 months to think about adoption. Use that time well, and stop whining, start doing. Many kids raised by single parents are doing quite well. You are no longer a kid, life has just up and whacked you as an adult.

Don't count on any money or help from him. Show him that he's not really needed. Cowgirl up- do it on your own. Don't be so reliant on the online world-we can be there for support and advice, but YOU are the one who has to do the work.

Harsh, but real. Many, many hugs to you.

 

[Hippie Chickie]

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What she said, and what others have said. Take a deep breathe, dry the tears and start calling lawyers and therapists. You can do this, you will find the strength from deep within and find out that you are stronger than you think. We believe in you. Remember Breathe!