I dont understand....

Reurra

Crowing
7 Years
Apr 11, 2012
2,142
868
297
Nova Scotia
Ok, let me rant I need to because I really am moody today. And Im irritable!! And tired........and well I just feel frustrated!


All through my life I have always been friendly to people. Im not social and some of the things I say...well they come out sounding just downright wrong and in my head there are these little red alarm lights going off, but my mouth just keeps on going. I have tried so hard to be myself and make friends but sometimes it feels as though myself is my worst enemy.

For example. I join a forum, for art, taxidermy, one for the brand of my car, even here. I try to be social, or helpful, or friendly and it always seems I hit a wall. I doubt that its intentional on the part of the people I meet, but sometimes I really wonder if what Im saying is really boring, or somehow I put people off. And if I do, I would love to get rid of it so that I can be normal. I have always felt like the hen at the bottom of the pecking order when it comes to people.

I very awkward. I see people who have had a hard time, or lost a nice bird, or had a birthday or are really happy about something, and I find it hard to express my feelings of sympathy or enthusiasm because I dont want to look ingenuine. At the same time though, I do feel for people and I want to say "congrats" or "Im sorry" but I do nothing because I dont want to look like someone kissing up/brown nosing for popularity points. If I am to say something I want the people who I speak to to know that I really do care. But I dont know how to do it.

Heck, in real life I meet people and I get the impression they are trying to avoid me. I dont chase people or hover, but I do get really nervous when people talk to me so I tend to talk either fast or babble a bit. My humor too might be beyond them. I am so lucky I found a man, like my DH who actually understands me and really enjoys my company. But is there really only one person in the whole world who can actually stand me? Am I that obnoxious or rude or WHAT??


I volunteer at the local school and when a teacher comes in, I say HI, they smile and hurry out, but later I'll walk in and see two of them talking and chatting, and when they see me they get quiet. I talk about the weather, they act polite and leave quickly. (no I dont have an offensive odor) Ive been up there since February and I still feel like a total stranger.

When i moved here, I met my husbands aunt who is in her upper 70s. Everyone seems to see her as "off" or strange. Ive known her a year now and though she is really poor, she really is great. She and I get together and bake and sit out front of her house and watch the cars go by. I enjoy her company, and yes she is eccentric, but she is really nice. We get along and we have some good laughs. I sometimes mention to other people about her and I doing stuff and the look they give me is clearly "you talk to her?!"

I dont know how to express myself well at all.

Anyway...I guess Ive been under a bit of stress and I just need to get a lot of frustration and feelings off my chest.

Im not an emotional person....just residual pms striking me...after the fact...kinda late in the schedule.
But I just feel like


If my ravings and ramblings make no sense, i apologise. My head is a mixed bag o scrambled thoughts.....its hard to put into words exactly what Im trying to say or how I feel.
 

sourland

Broody Magician
Premium Feather Member
11 Years
May 3, 2009
100,368
217,118
1,887
New Jersey
You express yourself very well! Nothing wrong with being 'different'. I always operated on the fringes and it took the love of a good woman to draw me into the human race. I embrace different - relax and do not worry what others think of you. True friends are a rarity and it sounds as if you have at least 2 - that's more than some social butterflies will ever have.
 

redhen

Kiss My Grits...
Premium Feather Member
11 Years
May 19, 2008
35,107
174
458
Western MA
You mention that you dont want to look "fake" ...
Then dont write anything "fake" to people.. and you wont have to worry about it. :)
You have to know yourself well enough to not care what others think of you.
As long as YOU know that you are being sincere... who really cares what others think of you? :confused:
 

CarolJ

Dogwood Trace Farm
8 Years
Jun 3, 2011
2,003
126
173
Middle Tennessee
If you feel happy for someone who posts about good news, then reply to their post that you feel happy for them. If you feel sad when someone writes about losing a pet, then reply to their post that you are sorry that they lost the pet. If what you feel is genuine, then it almost certainly will be received as genuine.

And I can only repeat what has already been said. Accept yourself for who you are. I always felt awkward in social situations. Once I accepted that I'm just not the social butterfly kind of person - and that someone who doesn't like me because of that would be someone I wouldn't want to know anyway - I've done fine. You can't please everyone - and you'll only drive yourself nuts trying to. Love/respect yourself for the unique person that you are.

Good luck!
 

Momagain1

Songster
8 Years
Feb 13, 2011
1,984
9
151
Central IL
I COMPLETELY understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I virtually have NO friends IRL...I have "computer" associations...but I'll have a friend for a while; but then it goes cold...

I'm always doing for others...I volunteer at food pantry, I help organize/run lots of ministries thru the church I attend etc..
but I NEVER (NO NOT EVER) get invited to anyones parties at church etc...

I COMPLETELY COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!
 

Reurra

Crowing
7 Years
Apr 11, 2012
2,142
868
297
Nova Scotia
Momagain1 this is for you:


Thank you everyone, I appreciate your wonderful kind words. Sometimes I feel like a frazzle hen and often look like one too. I agree, i should just chill out. I really should stop focusing on what other people think. I do like saying "Im sorry" or "Congrats" I know it can make someone smile or feel a little less lonely. I'll try and take your advice and let my self relax


Im appreciate your letting me rant and blow off some steam! It can really get built up! I like different too. I guess thats why Im such an odd ball myself lol.

*huggggggssssssssssss* everyone!
 
Last edited:

Momagain1

Songster
8 Years
Feb 13, 2011
1,984
9
151
Central IL
Momagain1 this is for you:


Thank you everyone, I appreciate your wonderful kind words. Sometimes I feel like a frazzle hen and often look like one too. I agree, i should just chill out. I really should stop focusing on what other people think. I do like saying "Im sorry" or "Congrats" I know it can make someone smile or feel a little less lonely. I'll try and take your advice and let my self relax


Im appreciate your letting me rant and blow off some steam! It can really get built up! I like different too. I guess thats why Im such an odd ball myself lol.

*huggggggssssssssssss* everyone!
Thanks!

As I went to the store to get cream; so my girls and I can make our own homemade butter...jhust for the novelty of it all....

I was told "Thats odd; why dont you just buy the butter here?"

lol..as I wore my long skirt, tshirt and flip flops....as I have my homemade greek yogurt all packaged up nice n pretty in my fridge except for the
small bit of yogurt hanging from my cabinet knob draining so it'll turn into yogurt cheese (same as cream cheese)...

sigh...I'm odd...lol...people either like me..or they dont...and most don't because they dont take the time to get to know me...
 

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