I finally reached out today.

[cptkracker]

Statistically speeking, you have a 1 in 300 chance of dying in the bathroom. That means on any given year where you use the bathroom atleast once a day (most of us do) you have cheated death 1.2166645 times if not more. So the fact that you or I or any one of us are still alive is a miracle. Especially after X years of using the bathroom every day.

Now by the time you are of legal age, 18, you will have used the bathroom 6570 times and survived death 21.899961 times. That means in all likelyhood you should be dead almost 22 times over. That statement means we are in a death defficet since your first year of using the bathroom.

Now when you say, logisctically, any one of you should all ready long gone you just gotta be thankful that you did not die on, in or near a toilet. And when you say something is too dangerous or too scary, just ask yourself, "is it riskier than using the bathroom?" because if skydiving is 1 in 400 and the loui(toilet) is 1 in 300, I would much rather grab a parachute.

What I am saying is we are all lucky and I for sure would rather be surrounded by loved ones when I go than rather going after I went.

 

[wolftracks]

Hi Deb

Didn't want you to think I wasn't here for you too.

I lost my younger sister in 2006. It was her second bout with breast cancer and though she beat it the first time after a masectomy, the second just ravaged through her poor body.
We visited her two days before she died and were supposed to visit her that day and take my brothers along. They didn't get to say good bye. My youngest brother and her oldest son have kept their heads shaved since the second time she got sick.

I was so upset we didn't make it in time, but although we are a close family, we hardly said I love you. I did tell her I loved her before I left that day and she said she loved me and we left. She left behind 4 kids and her first granddaughter. Her grandson was born almost 9 months exacty from when we lost her. Her youngest daughter was just 6, She had the greatest laugh. Even if something wasn't quit that funny, her laugh made you laugh. We always remember her for that.

I didn't get to say what I wanted to her that day. She had a boyfriend that she met online while she was sick and aqll I can say if he was garbage. She just didn't want to be alone and her husband had left her for someone else. There were things I did want to say, but I did get to tell her I loved her and that was important to me. I think she knew it would be the last time we saw her.

I know what you're friend is going to go through. Hopefully they are more prepared than we were. It won't make it any easier though. Not emotionally. To lose the person you choose as your family is one of the hardest things to go through.

Being so close to this family is going to tear at you too. That's something that some people don'r realize. Hopefully you won't become the basket case I have, but it's gonna hurt like crazy. Thing is you know that you'll be there for your friend through this. Just remember to be there when she needs and and let her have space when she needs that. Absolutely no words are going to help. I have problems with hearing Bill is in a better place. Heck yeah he is, but he left me here alone! How is that fair or supposed to make you feel. One thing I really hate to hear from people when the person has been sick is "well, at least you had time to get used to the idea" or "it's easier since you expected it". I can't believe how many times I've heard that from people directed at me or someone else. I fully expected my sister to get better. She did it once I knew she could. Bill didn't sugar coat things. He told be the probabiliy whe they were doing different things to help her and he would explain why. I would ask him if something they had given her meant she was going. He said most likely, but miracles do happen, so you never give up hope. God answers prayers.

I don't have anyone close to me who can cook and come over to help around the house much, but they did it the first couple of days, I've eatten more fast foods than I care to think about. I had two of my daughters and one of my granddaughters come over last weekend and I cooked for the first and only time since Bill died. Make sure she eats good food. Wash a load of clothes (NOT HIS!) She needs to do those when she's ready. Trust me. Let her talk and cry. Take her some place and let her scream if she wants to. I need to do that one. Don't get mad or tired of hearing the crying or what she has to say. This forum is helping me even though it may not seem like it at times. Heck give her a chicken! Anything! Hug her when she needs it and not when she doesn't. Bring up funny or silly things he did to make her laugh. Call her when it's been to long since you've heard from her. Making calls can sometimes be hard and it's lonely when no one bothers to call you. Let her decide when she needs to change something or move something and don't let anyone decide for her.

You already have the gift of being there for someone and being a good friend. You're a special person. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I know you aren't the kind of person to walk away when your friends need you. Let me know if you need to talk, but I warn you.............I cry and rant a lot. LOL But the offer still stands.

And Deb....................Thanks for being there for me too.

Love ya

Kim


Oh and that 1 in 300 chance? Bill was the 1.

eta.......just noticed........Bill was a jumpmaster...............stopped logging in at 5000 jumps........beat those odds!

 

[chicksbestfriend]

Quote:
I have had the priviledge myself to be with several people in their finals days of their journey here and what a blessing to be a part of that transition. You had mentioned in your first posting that this brother in Christ was given around 6 months, and have now come to realize that the time is nearer than expected. Praise God that he is taking this brother home sooner, so that he doesnt have to suffer in pain any longer or at all, what a gift. It is only natural that we want to keep the loved ones around longer for our own needs, but he will always be with you. Just because we cannot see him, doesnt mean that he no longer exists. Who would be better to plea your causes to our Heavenly Father but one of his angels? God has allowed me to see and hear things that most people will never get to experience in a life time by answering his call to help one of his sheep come back home, revealing more of his truths and the mystery of his kingdom. I pray that God will afford you the same experience for your obidence to his calling. You have definitely been called to partake in this wonderful experience of the spirits journey. I have found that the best I could do for them was to make sure they were comfortable, had someone to listen to them and give them words of support that their family will be in Gods hands after the angels come to take him home. Those simple acts of love, holding their hand, preparing their meals, sharing some laughs, reading scriptures from the bible, and even singing their favorite worship songs with them brings such comfort. I couldnt of said it better than the way Camelot Farms expressed the processing life and death, well said. Debi, I will continue to hold prayers for you and your family of friends, that God will continue to embrace all of you as you continue down this journey together, and that God will leave imprinted in your hearts his eternal love and comfort. Your friends are very blessed to have such a wonderful sister in Christ to walk with, and you will be blessed for answering the call................

God Bless you all!

 

[redhen]

I have no wise words for you, Deb..
It just sucks!

 

[key west chick]

Debi will be the 1 that dies on the potty.

Sorry, Debi, I can only imagine the pain your going through. I have never lost anyone really close to me. Im so glad you all are believers in Christ. Those left behind will surely know he is going to a wonderful place, somewhere we can only dream about until our time comes. You seem like a wonderful friend, stay strong.

 

[annie3001]

i wish i had the right words for comfort. i hope the end will be painless and comfort can be met. hugs for your strength and being there for your friend.

 

[chicknduck]

Just let him know that you are there for him. Listen when he talks and tell him how much you care. I lost my Grandfather 2 years ago and watched him get worse every time I saw him. It was so hard to do but I listened and told him I loved him. That is all I can say... Just be strong for your friend. They need your strength. It is very sad.

 

[Mahonri]

Deb,

sorry your friend has to go through this.

I've watched a number of friends and Church members die the slow death of cancer.

As things progress, in todays day and age, there is no need to suffer.

Be certain that hospice is called in and be certain that he can stay pain free with morphine.

They can set it up so that when he hurts he can have a clicker that will inject the morphine direct into his system.

This is NOT suicide, it is simply a way to keep him free of pain until his spirit will eventually leave and then he will be met by other spirits to walk him towards the Light.

Death is like walking from one room into another.
My father had a NDE and was brought back when he was 42. He lasted until he was 84 and never feared death. It is a simple transition.

Be certain that your friend knows all of the finances etc... Anything that he knows she will need to know needs to be taken care of NOW while he is still lucid. Life insurance, stocks, bonds... anything he may have invested in but didn't tell her... etc...

Just be there for her.

God bless you,

Dar

 

[nop169]

Deb we have been there & it is not an easy time for anyone but I encourage you to continue to be there for both your friend & her husband. The reality is that they both need you now more than ever. Simple things such as sitting with him & sharing memories while his wife runs an errand, or preparing supper or simply praying with them in this time of transition.
The first person I lost to cancer was a grandmother who was in reality more a mother. I couldn't take it - seeing her wasted away & in pain - so I stayed away - and was consummed with guilt when she passed. Granted I was only 21 at the time but the pain of not being there for her stayed with me for years - not because she was angry at me but because I was angry with myself & didn't get to express how much she meant to me (of course she knew but...). I learned then that to share someones life meant to also share their death. Since then we have lost both in laws & a favored aunt to cancer. All were long drawn out illnesses full of pain. But I had learned my lesson & my wife & I were there until the end. We were primary caregivers & took leave from work - placed our lives on hold - did all we could to be there. Held their hands at the end. The stress & pain of this battle is immense but in the end God gives grace & comfort. I can't explain it but a sense of peace envelops you. No guilt, no regrets & shared love, memories & faith. During our time(s) of battling this horrific disease the things that stand out from friends & extended family are the simple things - a call, a meal, someone to sit with the sick member so you can take a 15 minute shower, someone to take the children to the park or play a board game with them. Just show you care - express your love for them & be there in the weeks after he passes - your friend will need you more than ever after when she enters a quite house & no longer is focused on her dying husband... she may feel lost & will need you to be there & encourage her.
I am truely sorry you are going through this. We will pray for you & your friend & family. Stay strong & let yourself be used by God to encourage & strenghten your friend. The journey will be difficult but the lessons experienced - the love & pain shared - will draw you closer to them & to God. Praying that God will cover you in grace & give you peace.

 

[Whispering Winds]

Quote:
Perfect

x2.