I guess they think I'm old?

[wood&feathers]

My 69 yr old MIL hates all those junk flyers - hip replacements, scooters etc. She's as thin as she has been all her life. When they built their dream house in the mountains it was 2 stories, basement and one story finished, She wanted laundry stuff in the basement " I don't want to listen to that racket anymore - have for 40 years and I'm done with it!" Builder insisted SHE would be happier with it in the hall off the living room. Needless to say, she put it in the basement.

"If I arrange everything so I don't have to climb stairs, I'll stop being able to climb stairs". Compromise- builder installed laundry hookups in both places.

 

[chicknerd]

My 78 yo Aunt is the reason I have chickens. They only thing she did not build herself, and I really mean herself, was the coop. She ordered it because she wasn't sure she could do it herself anymore. She has 5 RIR and built the run, moves her feed and other tasty bits by herself. She tends to her house and the outside entirely on her own. She even drove 2 hrs to come to my son's Eagle court of honor a few months ago. She has the scooter but only because the walk to the store is a bit much and it is too close to drive.

Gotta love her!

 

[sourland]

30 years ago I received a spate of hair loss information. At the present time I am receiving lots of impotence literature. My friends? are very inventive.

 

[sgtmom52]

I got this email the other day...

$5.37! That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind.

"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to
be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in
my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home..​

 

[Sir Birdaholic]

O.K., sourland, were ready. Post a picture.

Uh, just thehair loss though.

 

[Sir Birdaholic]

Funny, but true sgt.

 

[sourland]

Sir birdaholic, you are truly funny this evening.

 

[Sir Birdaholic]

Just like a urinal, I aim to please, so you aim too please!

 

[Dunkopf]

I had a kid at an Arbys give me a Senior Citizen discount. I was only 49 at the time. Little turd.

 

[Frosty]

Quote:

I loved this story!

My mother is going to be 73 in a few months. Last summer she spent a lot of time on a ladder painting the garage and helped replace the roof. She doesn't walk, she runs everywhere. Last summer she ran through a parking lot in the dark to try to catch my brother before he drove away. Just as she got to his vehicle, she tripped over a curb and went sailing through the air. My brothers GF was freaking and yelling 'your mom just fell!' Before anyone could move, mom got up and dusted herself off. As she walked away, she she made sure she wasn't limping when they could see her. She scraped up her knee and was mad because she tore her favorite jeans. Once I was with her, she was driving up a fairly steep hill when I noticed that she was going about 10 mph over the limit. I mentioned that she was speeding, to which she replied 'I can't slow down now, the cars behind me will think I ran out of power!'

Her father was a truck puller when he was in his 70's... he had something on his exhaust called 'cut-outs'. You pull a knob and it opens the exhaust up before it gets to the muffler. He liked to drive around town (where there were noise ordinances) and open it up. Once a cop would start following him, he would close it up and drive quietly away. He got pulled over for speeding one day, and told the cop that it was the car in front of him that they got on radar. The cop told him that it was him. So he asked 'If I was speeding and he wasn't, why didn't I run him over?' (Actually, he was catching up to the guy in front of him...) The cop asked where he was going, to which he replied 'Home'. The cop told him to go home and stay there.

Getting old might have a fun side... you can do outrageous things and people will blame it on your age!

I can only hope that I am as active and have as much fun when I get to my 70's...