I just do not trust her(long rant)

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

Quote:
She doesnt go swimming in a public place. We have a back yard pool. She has taken swim lessons. But I am just not comfortable with having her in water without MY being there. Heck I make her get out of the water if I have to run to the front of the house for a minute.
DH knows how I feel about this. And like I said. MIL really did not raise him. My FIL and then SMIL did. She only had him from 15 years onward.
I left my career to be a SAHM. I got my own daycare license so that I could stay home and watch her. I dont trust people in general. But my GUT is giving me tons of WARNING when MIL has her.
And she is my daughter. She is my miracle baby.. since i was not supposed to be able to get pregnant. I had massive fibroid tumors during my pregnancy. Gestational diabetes, my heart defect. Plus severe morning sickness that landed me in the hospital several times because i couldnt even keep water down. LOL Hence the reason she is an only child!

I have taught her her colors,numbers, letters. She goes to playgroup for the social part of growing up. But I never leave her un watched or even with my friends, who are also daycare providers and have had the training and back ground checksd. KG this fall is going to be weird. Since she has been with me since her birth.

Dont get me wrong. I am not one of those moms that hovers and doesnt let their kid do anything. Heck she has scars on her knee from the stitches she got when she was 3 and put her knee through the glass door of the entertainment center. Which BTW. I was going to remove because of that "gut feeling" But she beat me to it. She insisted on sitting up and watching the doctors and nurses clean her knee. Then stick the needle in it to numb it and then she watched them put the 10 stitches in! Same with when they came out. Sat and watched. I nearly passed out. She was fine. It is just the gut feelings.. that I have learned to trust over the years. I am nothing but estatic when she is in my arms again after being with my MIL

 

[flakey chick]

Rhett&SarahsMom :

.... But the fact she was sneaky and didnt ask us if it was alright and then lied to us. Put me on edge.
....

But the friend has a lifevest. For a 5 year old??? One that will fit her correctly?!Her friend has NO KIDS or grandkids!!
....

The first bit cuts to the basic trust issue. If you can't trust someone, you shouldn't have to trust them unsupervised with your kids. I would also be concerned about teaching your daughter that its ok to lie to and sneak around.

As far as the lifevest goes, take heart. I have no kids or grandkids but bought a couple child-sized lifevests so we could take our nieces and nephews kayaking.​

 

[balticbabe]

When I was young I was “kidnapped” my father’s family and baptized in the Eastern Orthodox Church. I was baptized with the name Irene since I have a “heathen” name. Then my grandma and aunt started calling me Irene. This of course drove my mother crazy. She is a Baptist, doesn’t believe in infant baptism or care for the icons in the Orthodox Church. Plus she didn’t name me Irene. As far as I know my dad didn’t care, he’s an atheist.

I share this story to let you know this kind of stuff happens. I wasn’t confused by this growing up. I knew different people went to different churches; most in our area don’t go at all. I thought of Irene as a pet name. Once I became a teenager they started calling me by my given name.

What does your DH say about all of this? He’s known her all his life. Does he trust her?

 

[Rhett&SarahsMom]

Quote:
The first bit cuts to the basic trust issue. If you can't trust someone, you shouldn't have to trust them unsupervised with your kids. I would also be concerned about teaching your daughter that its ok to lie to and sneak around.

As far as the lifevest goes, take heart. I have no kids or grandkids but bought a couple child-sized lifevests so we could take our nieces and nephews kayaking.

Thanks. I am currently "chatting" with my dh and he isnt comfortable with the "new plans for the day" either. I told him and his reaction was "what?"
So I guess he will be talking with her again.

He is doing a good job trying to get me to relax though. He actually resorted to asking me about the horse. That is his way of getting me to relax

 

[arlee453]

After hearing about her story and how she's the only child, etc, etc, it's making more sense to me.

Good luck with it when she goes to school this fall... the world is a scary, scary place and you won't be there by her side to make sure nothing bad ever happens to her. Although you've already figured out that even YOUR omnipresence hasn't stopped her from getting hurt and the normal bumps and bruises of growing up.

She'll be absolutely fine.

I hope you are able to be too.

Kids grow up and we have to prepare them for the world and then let them go, a little at a time, gradually and with love. That's all I'm saying.

And I'll stand by my previous statement, that if you can't trust your MIL to take reasonable care of her then you shouldn't let her have her at all without you there.

 

[EweSheep]

I dont have that problem with my in laws but my own mother with this kind of issue. Our family counselor said to us that we need to establish BOUNDARIES with in laws and our own parents and siblings in regarding to how you raise your child.

If the answer is NO when she needs to take your child to temple or anything that your daughter is not allowed to do, she must RESPECT your wishes! Otherwise she will forfet her "day" with your daughter.

Talking with your dh about your issues is a great thing to keep communicating!

 

[sbluvinit]

OK NO ONE MAY LIKE MY VIEW OF THINGS BUT GRAND PARENTS LIKE MYSELF LOVE OUR BABIES JUST AS MUCH AS YOU PARENTS. WE ARE NOT BLIND TO SAFETY, RELAX, YOUR LITTLE ONE WILL BE FINE. YOU CAN NOT RAISE YOU CHILD WITH ALL THE WHAT IFS...... THEY WILL MISS OUT ON ALOT AND WHEN THEY BECOME YOUNG ADULTS IT MAY BACK FIRE ON YOU. A REBELIOUS TEEN IS NOT FUN. LET YOUR CHILD LIVE ALITTLE, A POND, A LAKE, EVEN A SWIMMING POOL, ITS OK. MY GRANDSON COMES OVER AND PLAYS HARD GETS DIRTY AND LIVES A LITTLE. HE LOVES IT. MY DAUGHTER HAS GIVEN UP ON ALL THE WORRING. THE WHOLE TEMPLE THING, HEY YOU KIND ONCE MORE IS GOING TO GROW UP AND HAVE THIER OWN WAY OF VIEWING THINGS ITS BETS TO EXPOSE THEM TO THE DIFFERENT WAYS TO WORSHIP, IN THE END WHEN YOU CHILD IS GROWN THEY WILL PICK THEIR OWN WAY OF LIVING, WORSHIPNG AND RAISING THEIR OWN BABIES. YOU DONT WANT TO BE THAT DMIL DO YOU???? ALL WILL BE FINE YOULL SEE.

 

[BayCityBabe]

So DH talks to her for you?

 

[Break an Egg]

Quote:
I won't relax when it comes to my daughter's health or safety. My mother has different standards of what's okay. I want my daughter to have it better than I did.

 

[Henrietta23]

Water safety is nothing to compromise on. Fun or no fun, accidents happen even to good swimmers who are dearly loved by their grandparents. If this were my child I would state my rules for when DH and I are not present, "no swimming in ponds, etc. without a life guard present and no boating without an appropriate fitting personal floatation device" Period, the end, no arguing, discussion or guilt.