I just do not trust her(long rant)

I really dont know how else to put it. But I seriously get apprehensive when my MIL takes my daughter over night or if she is babysitting, even if it is only an hour or two. Even if it is in my own home. I just get a bad feeling every time she has her and I am not within sight. And I hate feeling this way.

I dont get this way with my mom or my sister. Just my MIL. And she isnt even the one that told me to have an abortion when we told her I was pregnant. It was SMIL, who is currently in Australia that did that little dandy. Yes. Lucky me I have TWO MILs:|

MIL that lives in MA has this week off. So she offered to take her for a day or two. I nervously agreed to one night. And seriously I only agreed to it because the horse dentist is supposed to show up tomorrow and I dont want her to be bored as I wait. My daughter is 5 and a half.

Now. Nothing has ever happened. Granted MIL, when she was taking dd more often on Saturdays(before gas went up and we traveled and visited more) had been taking dd to temple without telling us. She had been telling us they went to the library. And we would have been none the wiser until my dd told me they were going to temple. *Dh is agnostic. I am Wiccan/neoPagan* We celebrate ALL the holidays in our house. Heck when I was doing full out daycare we celebrated Quanza!! But the fact she was sneaky and didnt ask us if it was alright and then lied to us. Put me on edge.
She is ALWAYS forgetting and misplacing things. We lived with MIL for a few months before we bought our own house. It was HELL.

Now, she called last Sunday to confirm plans. Said she was going to take dd to Walden pond to swim. Which is ok with me since they have a lifeguard on duty there and a state police presence. "just in case" Then when she called yesterday and said she was going to take dd to the beach on the North shore she goes to. Which doesnt have a life guard and with all the storms off the coast is likely to have a strong current. Never mind the waves. My mom took dd to the beach I grew up at last week. Didnt take her swimming as I didnt send her bathing suit and my mom KNOWS how I feel about my only child being safe. So I told MIL i wasnt comfortable with that. She said "ok" I thought they would go back to Walden Pond being the place they went. NOPE.
Today when she came to pick her up she tells my daughter they are going to MILs friends house, who lives on a pond. There is no clear beach area. Which means no clear swimming/wading area. which means no lifeguard. Oh and they are going to use the kayak!! But the friend has a lifevest. For a 5 year old??? One that will fit her correctly?!Her friend has NO KIDS or grandkids!!
And of course MIL said this in front of dd, who got excited.
I dont want to completely alienate my MIL. But for the love of the gods what the hell ???? I dont want the kid near a strong current. But she thinks a pond with branches, slippery rocks, maybe glass in it and no life guard is ok? And that taking the kid out in a very kayak with a ill fitting life vest is alright?? I am continuously surprised my dh survived. But then again. His parent divorced when he was young and his dad raised him until he was a teen.

I am not going to relax or enjoy my "me time" I am going to be worried the entire time she is out there with my daughter. All I can do is wait and pray to the heavens that my daughter is returned to me safe and sound tomorrow afternoon. And that I dont get a phone call from my MIL, the hospital or the police telling me that there was an accident. I would not survive having something happen to my daughter. And I would never ever forgive my MIL should something happen to her. This is going to be a LOOONGG 24 hours

 

When I first met my dh 10 years ago, his mother did not go to temple. She hadnt been in years. Then she moved her parents up from FL and into her home and began going only after her father passed last year.

I do not have a problem with my daughter learning about her heritage. Or about religion. But she is 5. And her dad and I are not raising her to follow the Jewish faith. He never practiced the faith and has never been to temple. She never took him when he was younger and in her care.
I was raised Catholic, then was baptized LDS. I have since found my own path and am raising my daughter to respect all life and religions. But it is something that her dad and I have discussed many times and have agreed on. His mother was upset that we didnt name dd after her mother, who had died before I got pregnant. Per the traditional Jewish practice. When I refused to even use the name as a middle name she began calling my dd by the name anyway. Until I heard her do it twice within an hour and said "that is not her name!" and took dd out of the room.

When I found out about the lying about where they actually were going on Saturdays, I sat down with my dh and spoke to him about it. He then spoke with her and she apologized for "stepping on our toes", from what he told me. Since I found out I havent let her stay on a Saturday.

I just wish that I could get this sick feeling out of my stomach and heart.
I feel perfectly comfortable leaving dd with my mom and sister. Heck my mom had her last week from Sat til Wednesday and I didnt hear from my mom for an entire two days during that time. But I didnt worry a bit. Not like this. It's just that "gut feeling" Ya know?

 

Quote:We had a non denominational "welcoming" celebration when dd was an infant. It was out in my moms yard by the birch tree. We had my sister and my dh's best friend stand up for her as her god parents. And we read from a wonderful book I got when I was pregnant titled "On the Day You were Born"
My MIL refused to attend.

Here is an excerpt from the book: "On the eve of your birth word of your coming passed from animal to animal. The reindeer told the artic terns.. who told the humpback whales who told the Pacific salmon.. who told the monarch butterflies, who told the green turtles, who told the European eel, who told the busy garden wobblers, and the marvelous news migrated worldwide"

I have raised her, thus far, to believe that "we" and nature are all connected and that she has a responsibility to care for everyone and thing that helped "spread the news" of her coming. I do not need a "building" to help me to raise a good and decent person. My religion is all around us. My husband, who believes in no religion and on some days doesnt even believe in God.. is comfortable with my choice for myself and our daughter.

If she, when she is older and ASKS to go to temple or is interested in going to "church" I will help her research each religion and it's belief system so that she can make an informed choice. But she is 5. We do not belong to a church or temple. She is not being raised in a particular religion. And it is NOT my MILs place or right to take it upon herself to make sure her "soul" or whatever, is safe.
I am pretty sure that my dd's soul, heart and mind are all fine in that respect. I just dont like worrying that her physical body is in harms way every minute and second she is with my MIL. Again.. just that gut feeling that she isnt anywhere near safe when she is with her