I just found two more dead, I'm losing it. Update post #32.

[elizabethbinary]

Three days ago a dog attacked what I thought to be my favourite duck and I had to kill her myself with a hatchet. It wasn't until plucking I realized it wasn't my favourite duck. Everyone was happy for me, but I was still miserable. Nobody seems to realize.. I still went through the turmoil and emotion of KILLING MY FAVOURITE DUCK. They think just because it turned out not to be her (they look a lot alike, especially bloody) that I'm okay and fine and happy. I'm not. I'm still shaken up over the fact I had to slaughter my own duck when it was hurt.

Then my favourite Wyandotte chick died. The splash I've raised from an egg from a styro box and a heat lamp. My favourite chicken. Just... dead in the lawn. I don't even know how because instead of GETTING ME, my stupid flatmate put the chick in thefreezer.. I was AT HOME. Now there's nothing around to tell me what did it or how. I don't know how she found the body, if there were feathers.. what. I just know my favourite chick (pullet) is now dead.

And this morning I found two ducklings dead in their pond. Where was the ramp I had built for the ducklings? SOMEONE HAD TAKEN IT OUT. I don't know WHO, but I told them WHEN I PUT THE RAMP IN WHEN THE DUCKS HATCHED DO NOT REMOVE IT BECAUSE I'VE HAD DUCKLINGS DROWN KEEP THE RAMP THERE/ But NO. The ramp was NOWHERE in sight. I have NO idea where it is. Someone in this house neglegently killed my ducklings.

So yeah. I'm falling apart. I've lost FOUR this week. FOUR. I'm a mess. Somebody hold me. My husband forgot to even ask me how it made me feel when I told him. Nobody cares how IT MAKES ME FEEL. They just want to know what happened. I TOLD YOU WHAT HAPPENED. HOW IS LIZ? IS LIZ OKAY? No, Liz is not okay. Liz wants to run awau. Liz is crying. A lot. Nobody asks... nobody freakin' asks... Sorry... I just found them ten minutes ago.

 

[BHep]

Super Tight

I know nothing I say can make you feel better. But I will say it anyway. Sorry for your loss.

 

[tnchickenut]

I'd be losing it too. I'm sorry. I think I may even go killing flatmates.

Sounds suspicious too... which only makes even more emotions come up like feeling betrayed and suspicious. I'm sorry!!

 

[elizabethbinary]

Quote:
I didn't think they did it on purpose.. but if they did, I'm going to prison tonight.

I SAID THAT RAMP HAD TO BE THERE. One of them "made" a pond for the out of an old painter's roller bucket thing (eluding me, the name of them)... so I think the THOUGHT the ducklings would just use that.... BUT I SAID TO NEVER REMOVE THE RAMP BECAUSE THE DUCKLINGS WOULD DROWN I SAID THAT. As far as I know I've asked daily, "Do I need to water the ducks?" and someone would say they did it... so I haven't done it for awhile so I didn't check... darn I wish I checked. Husband said he checked and there were no ducks OR RAMP in it. Where's the ramp? NO IDEA. I NEED MY RAMP IN THERE OR DUCKS WILL DIE WHY DOES NOBODY EVER LISTEN TO ME THOSE WERE -MY- DUCKS NOBODY ELSES. MINE. I RAISED THEM. NOT FOR THEM TO KILL.

 

[elizabethbinary]

Sorry if I don't sound grateful to the wellwishes. I do need them desperately right now. It's 7 am and nobody is awake and I'm losing my wits and I just want to cry but no tears will come and I want my Wyandotte back so badly.. or at least to know HOW she died.... but no... (Do you think she drowned and they covered it up? They said they found her on the lawn. I still have her body, can I check her lungs for water??).

I JUST... JUST... had to bury my last freezer full of babies. Do you know how that FEELS? (I'm sure some of you do.) We saved all those bodies to bury at once... unfinished chicks.. finished chicks...stupid fence hitting hens... the usual... all packed into a freezer... Buried the two nights ago. Took THREE holes. Now my freezer is full of babies again....

I have a freezer full of babies... somebody help me.. I don't want to bury them alone....

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

Oh No EB!!

I can not even imagine having to put down my bird, fortunate for me I've not had to do it myself as of yet. I know what you're saying...YOU went through it regardless. It was very loving and brave of you.

I'd be more than

to find that someone removed the ramp. For what purpose? Why would someone have to borrow it? That doesn't make sense. I'd set a camera out there. Really. I'd want to know who is responsible.

I'm sorry about your hen too!! I don't get why your flatmate wouldn't come and tell you. But you must remember that for some people chickens aren't really pets. That don't get that we can form a bond with them. Probably thought he/she was doing you a favor so you didn't have to find it in the yard. UGH!!!!

Don't get too upset with DH. They're wired differently. You just have to TELL him that you're upset and ASK him to help you get to the bottom on this. As my DH always says, "You have to tell me, I'm not a mind reader!!"

 

[elizabethbinary]

Quote:
When my hen died I told my husband to ask me how it made me feel next time because I felt he wasn't asking me about my feelings regarding it all. Today when it happened he didn't ask at all. He just said he'd build a permanent ramp to fix it tonight. I said, really, it should've been done the LAST clutch we had when the FIRST one drowned and I put that ramp in there to begin with. He said he'd do it THEN. It's like nobody freaking realizes this is MY ANIMALS. You HAVE to do/listen to what I said OR LET ME DO IT IF YOU'RE GOING TO FLAKE ON ME, or THINGS WILL DIE.

I think they removed the ramp for the geese, who don't get to splash as much with the ramp there... BUT.. eff the geese!!! They still get water, they still get to splash.. they just don't get AS MUCH room to play. I have BABIES to care about.

AND AND AND I think someone put my collected duck eggs UNDER A DUCK. She was NOT ready to go clucky because she only had ducklings 3 weeks ago!!! Now she's on eggs and clucky again and these are my OTHER hen's FIRST eggs... WHO PUT THEM THERE!? They should NOT be there. Do they think it's FUN to put fertilized eggs under a duck? It has to be TIMED. My duck's carbuncles are still pale pink from her last sit.. she NEEDS more time.

I think she thought she was doing me a favour by not having me find it. I had to tell her.. no I NEED to see how/where the body is to find out the cause of death. NEED TO. That was my baby.

Nobody listens to me.

And if they did, I wouldn't have dead pets. It makes me SO ANGRY. If the had KEPT the ramp there, BUILT the ramp they said OR told me they WEREN'T going to so -I- could do it... it would be different.

I'm sorry I'm not yelling *at* you, I'm yelling in your direction at my life.

 

[elizabethbinary]

*sigh* I guess on the bright side they weren't my favourite ducklings (but they were my biggest!!! Those were meat ducks, UGH!)... I gave my favourite little girl to my friend along with two others... so I'm just grateful my favourite duckling didn't die.... but my favourite hen is gone... my poor girl... I turned her myself in a styro box... I made a pouch for her as a chick (she was a lone hatch) and she stayed on my chest for two weeks - even in public! She couldn't STAND to be without me. She'd chase me across the house peeping because she missed mummy.

Her best friend was a duck and that duck is losing his mind looking for her.

...I know, I'm ramlbing. I'm sorry.

and... she JUST got bug enough to roost with the hens... she was so happy.. she used to sit below them and peep sadly she couldn't roost with them and we put her up there nightly... and only three nights before she died she was there all proud of herself... haha I got with the other hens....

I'm burying her under the window roost, so she can be with the hens again like she wanted.

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

Aww, I'm sorry to hear it. When I first got into chickens each and every death hurt me so much and I'd cry and cry. Now I've had them for so long that although I feel sad when one dies, it doesn't upset me like it used to. It never gets easier, persay, but you do get better at dealing with it.

I hope you feel better!

 

[BHep]

Ramble away...that is what we are all here for. To support each other. We understand what you are going through.