I keep getting told that I'm a bad parent.

[sourland]

Actually, the world isn't nearly as different as people believe it is. Statistically, things are not any more dangerous now than they ever were. An exception may be large cities and where gang activity is prevalent. Bad things have always happened. The difference is media coverage. In times past, when bad things happened, you just didn't hear as much about them as you do now. Now, you hear everything. And bad news and sensational crime news sells newspapers and advertising. As a result, the extensive and widespread coverage changes people's perceptions. People think the world is a more dangerous place than it used to be, (whether it is or not) and act accordingly.

Do you have sources on these statistics? Thanks.

 

[Mtn Laurel]

I firmly believe in the free-range and independent child but I think individual circumstances make a huge difference in what you can allow. Living in a cul-de-sac is an entirely different situation than living in a rural area where homes aren't in sight of each other. Even if you're not worried about child predators of the two or four legged variety, an accident in a rural area where the child isn't in sight of a neighbor can be devastating. I say this because - to this day - I have no idea how my son managed to get himself up and get back home after literally destroying his collarbone in a bike accident on our own property. He now has a 4 inch titanium bar keeping it together. I guess the lesson here is to know where they are and to check on them frequently - even when on your own property.

You also need to be concerned with your local child services laws. In my area, a two-year old walking through the neighborhood by him/her self would be cause for child services to make an investigation for child neglect. And a story in the local newspaper. With pictures. Yes, it's occurred before and I'd imagine it's not a pleasant experience for either the child or parents.

 

[chickenzoo]

I disagree. People today have more access to dangerous things and many people have been desensitized in one way or a.other. Years back if someone yelled help, people would at least look and see what is going on if not actually help you. Today many people are too afraid or distant..or afraid of lawsuits... To help. They tell you to yell fire instead to get noticed.
My dad died when I was nine. My mom went back to school, I tookl care of my younger sister. She believed in us being independent but also knew a.child has certain levels of awareness at different ages. I would not expect a two year old to understand how to avoid a car. They may know to look out for one, but can easily become distracted by other kids...animals, a toy in the street...and it only takes once. they just don't have the mental development for those decisions.
I grew up riding my horse all over, my mom recently tolde how foolish she was letting me. She was ignorant to horse and thought all of them were as well mannered as mine. I als my little sister would be gone all day...riding the neighborhood. Had some close calls with weird people.....
I spent a lot of time watching my sister..and ended up with half the neighborhood kids too. We were independent kids, but I trusted my mom not to put us in a dangerous situation either.

 

[cassie]

Do you have sources on these statistics? Thanks.

I don't personally have the statistics on hand at the moment, but you can find them. Periodically the FBI and other crime tracking agencies publish statistics on crime rates and you can compare crime rates for various years and various localities and regions. I based my post on what I have read there. What surprised me the last time I saw statistics is that the crime rates really haven't changed all that much.

Something to keep in mind if you have children, in spite of all the hoo haw about stranger danger and all that, is that a child is far more likely to be molested by someone he/she knows and trusts, like a family member or neighbor, than by a stranger. And chances are, he/she will never tell you. The "don't take candy from strangers' lecture is pretty well useless. Doesn't make any sense to the kid.

 

[redhen]

I firmly believe in the free-range and independent child but I think individual circumstances make a huge difference in what you can allow. Living in a cul-de-sac is an entirely different situation than living in a rural area where homes aren't in sight of each other. Even if you're not worried about child predators of the two or four legged variety, an accident in a rural area where the child isn't in sight of a neighbor can be devastating. I say this because - to this day - I have no idea how my son managed to get himself up and get back home after literally destroying his collarbone in a bike accident on our own property. He now has a 4 inch titanium bar keeping it together. I guess the lesson here is to know where they are and to check on them frequently - even when on your own property.

You also need to be concerned with your local child services laws. In my area, a two-year old walking through the neighborhood by him/her self would be cause for child services to make an investigation for child neglect. And a story in the local newspaper. With pictures. Yes, it's occurred before and I'd imagine it's not a pleasant experience for either the child or parents. 

Actually..I can pretty much guarantee you that letting a 2 yr old wander out in the streets alone is considered neglect by child welfare services. Just ask the lady I know that keeps getting cps called on her for people finding her kid outside her house in the street with no adult.

 

[erinszoo]

Whew ... being a parent of two children I can understand the need to have them be independent at times, and at this point in their lives, they are pretty much but they are both teenagers. But I'm not posting to argue parenting strategies ... I'm posting because I have been on the other side of this in two different ways. 1. I was allowed to run around as a child too. I grew up independent. I grew up taking care of myself. And as an adult I have had some serious emotional issues because of it. I was abused, and bullied by STRANGERS and neighbors and had no way to defend myself because I was too young to have been out on my own. It is a very real issue, not just a statistic. I never told my parents as a kid because I was always told that they would tell my parents I had done something wrong. It's a very typical trick of abusers. Is this what you want for your children? 2. I have been a foster parent for children who were taken away from their parents for this very issue and these kids were NOT fine in any way and needed a LOT of help just functioning in daily tasks ... and every single one of their parents couldn't see that anything was wrong with it.

It's one thing to allow your children to play with the neighbors and teach them rules for doing so when they are an appropriate age for doing so and can actually think for themselves and make rational decisions. It's another thing entirely to just send them out on their own because they want to go.

 

[debilorrah]

I read all these comments and some make my jaw drop, some I agree with, and others OH HECK NO!!!! Someone called CPS on me because my 2 year old feel asleep on a blanket outside, under a table, with me sitting right there. Yes there is such thing as just ridiculous.

However!!! Yes MUCH has changed out there. People are waiting longer in life to have children, and that causes genetic mutations, which results in people that are basically not right in the head. The level of mentally ill in this nation is ten fold what it was 20 years ago.

Those of you my age, 51, remember coming home when the street lights came on, rode our bikes to school, walked to friends houses without a thought. Now, kids that do that are being snatched off the street and molested. There is a reason there is Megan's Law, Amber Alerts, sexual predators registry, etc.

Stepping down from my soap box, there are plenty of ways to keep your kid protected and allow them to be independent. Following them to know they are safe without letting them know. Demanding a phone call when they reach their destination, kid friendly cell phones with GPS.... There are a ton of ways to do these things without believing we are living in 1960. We are NOT.

 

[Bunnylady]

Those of you my age, 51, remember coming home when the street lights came on, rode our bikes to school, walked to friends houses without a thought.

Oh, yes, I remember rambling around the neighborhood for hours without my parents knowing exactly where I was. I remember walking clean across town to get to school. I remember my mother sending me a few blocks to the grocery store, or the library, or the post office. I remember my mother telling me never to accept rides from strangers, and having a fit the one time that my brother did. I remember seeing the "Have you seen" posters in the shop windows about the little boy who disappeared from a nearby community when I was about 10. His remains were found in woods a year or so later - it was the first time I heard about that type of predator (they got the guy that did it). I remember one of my best friends talking about her "creepy" next door neighbor. I remember moving to a different community when I was about 12, and being warned by another girl about the behavior of a certain gentleman who was well known in the community.

It wasn't until many, many years later that I understood why my mother didn't mind my brother being around a certain relative, but she watched me like a hawk when we were visiting them.

I'm also 51.

Maybe it wasn't the times that were so innocent, but rather, the minds that were living them?

 

[debilorrah]

Oh, yes, I remember rambling around the neighborhood for hours without my parents knowing exactly where I was. I remember walking clean across town to get to school. I remember my mother sending me a few blocks to the grocery store, or the library, or the post office. I remember my mother telling me never to accept rides from strangers, and having a fit the one time that my brother did. I remember seeing the "Have you seen" posters in the shop windows about the little boy who disappeared from a nearby community when I was about 10. His remains were found in woods a year or so later - it was the first time I heard about that type of predator (they got the guy that did it). I remember one of my best friends talking about her "creepy" next door neighbor. I remember moving to a different community when I was about 12, and being warned by another girl about the behavior of a certain gentleman who was well known in the community.

It wasn't until many, many years later that I understood why my mother didn't mind my brother being around a certain relative, but she watched me like a hawk when we were visiting them.

I'm also 51.

Maybe it wasn't the times that were so innocent, but rather, the minds that were living them?

I can point out Polly Klaas, Many others whose names slip my mind tonight. I COMPLETELY disagree with any child under the age of 12 going anywhere on their own!!

 

[Gomes Bantams]

My grandma is overly protective. She always treats me like I'm 6. I think the whole freedom thing is fine, but we know how to take care of ourselves.

When riding my dirt bike, my grandma makes sure I'm safe and I stay on the driveway. Ummm I can handle myself, having a knife and pistol in my pack. I often drive across town for fun and zoom by friends houses, along the cannal and into the pine grove. So what I'm saying is that we can be like the chickens on pasture, you can roam as much as you want, but you can't go over the fence.