I live with a bunch of pigs!

[flocksalot]

I'm sorry but I honestly do not understand why you think you need to clean everything up in order to tell them they need to clean up. For the love of my chickens they made the mess they should have to clean it up. You are sick. Perfect time to start your strike. Write down I am sick you will need to take responsibility for yourselves. Then go to bed. If your husband can't or won't realize that you are getting run ragged then he needs a good swift kick you know where. He can quit blaming his mother for his behavior and walking away from you is the most disrespectful thing my DH could ever do. Don't agree than discuss it, but never walk away. If you keep allowing it you will be doing them no favors. I say get couselors, coaches, grandparents, aunts, uncles and priest or whomever you would like involved. Really what your husband is teaching your boys leads to abuse down the road. My sister went through almost the same thing and she always stuck up for her loser of a husband right up until he ran off with someone else cause she was such a door mat as he said. Her children didn't want anything to do with her as they had no respect for her. You need to quit making excuses for them. Just saying.

 

[Marcymom3]

Quote:
My husband was one of ten kids and I was one of two. My mom was a softie and we knew it. She only had to say, "Wait till your father gets home." and we would shape right up. Fortunately, my brother and I adored her and if she had to threaten us with our dad we knew we'd pushed her too far. I can't really remember her ever really bringing my dad into anything. But we knew that if she did there would be consequences of Biblical proportions! We were afraid of our dad until we got out of school. Their expectations for us were realistic but as kids we thought they were really strict!

My husband said that with 10 kids to keep under control, his mom would "jerk a knot in your tail" in a hurry for the slightest infraction of the rules. My father-in-law had a landscaping business and he worked long hours. In the summer, the 6 boys worked with him. (Not one of those guys is lazy.) In other words, she handled her own disciplining. When her boys got bigger she would turn them over to their dad and the punishments were swift and sure and always heavy handed.

The point I am trying to make here is that you have to be willing and confident enough to handle this on your own if your husband doesn't help you. Do not be mealymouthed or weak. If you waiver or back down an inch you can forget it. What I was trying to show with these two examples is that it would be great if your boys knew that your husband would support you in this, or at least not undermine your efforts, but you have to be prepared to handle it yourself. They will look for the chink in the armor, believe me. When my oldest was approaching 16 and his license, I used that for the hammer. I told him that everyday that he took an attitude with me or didn't do what I asked, was one day later that he could get it. He tells me that his kids aren't getting their license till they're 21. HAHA... they are 5 and 6 now and he is figuring it all out.

Keep us posted!

 

[cassie]

Quote:
They will learn to pick up their stuff if you start picking it up yourself, putting it in garbage bags and putting it in the dumpster. If they feel free to leave clothes around they have too many clothes anyway.

 

[redhen]

My hubby learned reeeal quick to pick up after himself..
I had been telling him and telling him...one day i blew my stack and tore the house APART.. cleared off the counters and table and shelves.. laundry, towels.. everything.
And then i made him pick every single thing back up.
Now when i say "put that $%^&** hammer AWAY thats been sititng on the counter for a week!" Hes moves fast..

And the kids? I had to go into their rooms ONCE with a garbage bag... only once. Amazing how fast they learn when they KNOW you mean what you say..

Oh and shoes?? Yep.. they know to not even walk a step into this house with shoes on(we have a spot by the door to set them)... Many a shoe has been tossed outside in the snow or rain...and then mopping the floors by hand isnt fun either..

Say what you mean, and MEAN WHAT YOU SAY... they'll catch on real quick.

*Yes, redhen IS a tyrant, thank you very much..*

 

[BusyBlonde]

Quote:

Seriously, we did the same to DD#2 - put her stuff in trash bags and locked it in DH's shed when she wouldn't pick her stuff up. Left her with very little to wear for a week, she was a lot better after that.

 

[heatherindeskies]

Quote:
X2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Or just go on strike....

 

[blackbelt]

Wow! My kids are all grown up now along with the 18 foster kids we had, but one thing for sure, they all had to pick up after themselves and all had responsibilities, even though they we're in school activities they still had to follow threw. Josh my middle son he thought he could con his way around things until he found out he had no clean clothes one day, oh he had clothes but they we're all under his bed, because he failed to put them in the laundry. Oh the children they taught me so much. OOP's sorry for rambling. I guess here on the homestead I always included the kids in everything that went on so they learned by example I guess.

 

[lockedhearts]

When I was married to the EX, we got custody of the two boys, they were 9 and 11. The house had upstairs and that is where their rooms were. Simple rule, I would do the laundry, but it had better be in the hamper! The oldest, was lazy, room was a mess and it was too much trouble to bring down dirty clothes. Eventually, all he had was dirty clothes.
I did laundry one day a week, he went 3 weeks with dirty clothes, kids at school started commenting on his "smell" he came to me one evening, head hung low, told me he was very sorry and could I show him how to do laundry.

His lesson was learned and that boy did his laundry from then on. He also started keeping his room cleaner.

I have finally gotten my hubby to at least put his clothes in the hamper now, although they spend the night on the couch, where he takes them off, he at least picks them up the net morning and puts them in the hamper.

 

[HeatherLynn]

Quote:
You very well may be my hero. I am going to make the kids read what you said and ask them if thats the direction they want me to go. Then I am going to sit back with my stitching and watch that room get cleaned.

 

[LoveMyFeatherBabies]

I grew up in a large family and when my mom got fed up with the complaints about laundry not being done, etc. we each got a laundry basket with our name and a day of the week on it. We had that day to get our own laundry done. Honestly, it was the best thing she ever did for us! My brother ended up paying my sister to do his laundry LOL. I was only 6 at the time. But I was a pro when it was time to move out