I need advice from those ladies who were more girlie when young

[Criskin]

Are there any physical activities she might enjoy? Something like a dance class or a sport? Not to lose weight but to help her appreciate the strength and beauty of her body as it is already. I remember when I started filling out I was mortified! Horseback riding really helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin because I could appreciate that the changes were making me stronger.

 

[MsPony]

I'm a big tomboy too, I mean yesterday I was running through poop piles in flip flops to empty my horses poop wheel barrow. Lol.

First, tell your mom to shut it. NOW. That's going to cause some serious issues.

Second, guys like women with curves, and it's been scientifically proven. She's not ready to hear that, but have it at the ready when appropriate.

Third, I was in a modeling program for young women. They taught us appropriate hair, makeup, clothing, manners and how to make decisions like sex, alcohol, drugs, etc. They taught us a lot about self confidence and how to work what you were give . They taught us inappropriate views of women, and appropriate. Great program, I'd call her school and inquire.

 

[coloradochick]

I have a 10 year old daughter who really wants to be like her 19 year old sister

All grown up and in college

Our pediatrician highly recommended " American Girl. The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls " we haven't gotten it yet, but she said it would answer many questions Liv has. We too are very open about all of the above matter. My parents didn't talk to me about squat. So I found out for myself. Not a good way to grow up. More afraid to do anything or to live life than I should've been. I want my kids to be comfortable to with themselves and to not be afraid to experience life like I was. Always too shy to enjoy life. So my older daughter who was very tom boyish (at college on a softball scholarship right now and played tackle football at 8 years old

) Didn't start getting girly until about her sophmore year in high school. Now she's a good mixture of both. I think you need to let her have her own ideas but just help guide her through them.

 

[SillyChicken]

If you're worried about body image, teach her about good nutrition and excersize. Keep her active and do things that will build her confidence, make her do non girly things once in a while like fish (including worming the hook), squash a bug that scares her, mountain climb etc..... if she's confident, a healthy self image will follow.

 

[ChicknThief]

Talk talk talk until you are blue in the face and then talk some more. My mother and I had very closed communications when I was going through this stage. The first time I shyly mentioned that I had a crush on a boy (I was in 4th grade) she actually got angry and told me I wasn't allowed to have crushes. Needless to say, this confused the heck out of me. And to this day I still feel very uncomfortable sharing my relationships with her. I am now 20.

I will repeat what others have said. S E X is a touchy and embarrassing subject, but it is so much better coming from you than from some of her little friends. I was given minimal information on this and was left to fend for myself. On top of that, I was disallowed from attend sex ed classes at school. ALL of my info came from my friends, and most of it was laced with bad advice. I would have given anything to have had an open relationship with my mother. And if she and I had been able to communicate about this a little more, I would have been much more equipped to protect myself from all the icky people out there.

I was also teased BRUTALLY for my weight. And my shame was intensified when my mother put me on a diet. Looking back, I wasn't fat at all. A little on the plush side maybe, but certainly not unhealthy. But that sense of shame and self loathing lead to self image issues that I still battle with today. It is so so so important that you remind her daily of how gorgeous she is.

Remember that the way you react to them will mold and influence them in ways you can't even imagine. Don't let the awkwardness scare you off. She will be embarrassed, but she will thank you for it later.

God Bless

 

[coloradochick]

good post CT

 

[LittleChickenLady]

Quote:
Awesome book.
I remember my older sister had it when I was little (I'm only 19) and remember looking at it and it helped me look at myself better. I wasn't chubby, and was pretty small actually, but it had advice for girls who are both a little bigger and very small. It gives nutrition advice as well as talks about breast changes and bra types, period information (pads, tampons, etc), acne issues, dental hygene, etc.. You get the point.

I'd definitely recommend that book, and make sure to talk to her about sex. A lot. She doesn't need to learn from other people, especially boys. My mom was extremely open about it, and I'm extremely happy she was, even though it was kind of embarrassing at the time.

 

[gryeyes]

Quote:
I am 58 years old and even *I* started menstruating at age ten. I thought I was dying. My mother explained what was happened when she found me in the shower, sobbing. However, she explained only that it was normal (if earlier than she had expected), and that it was a joyous occasion - I was now a woman! She got out the little diagram that came with the Modess "For Your Daughter" starter kit. No reference to intercourse or sexual activity or what "being a woman" was all about.

This happens every month? I don't want to be a woman!

When I was 12, my grandmother looked at the scale as I got onto it. She blurted, "127 pounds- that's obese!". That screwed me up for years, but not into excessive dieting or exercise. I went the other way.

Never, ever was girly. My mother died when I was 13, and shortly before then, tried to talk to me about sex. I later learned she chose then to explain things because my older sister was "expecting" without benefit of marriage. But then my sister did get married, and it was years and years before I connected the facts. Anyway, when i was 13, she began the discussion with: "If you ever get into what society calls 'trouble,' know that you will never be in trouble with me and you can always come home." I told my mother quite confidently, "Mom, I'm not gonna do THAT until I'm married, and I'm getting married when I am 22."

She hugged me and said, "Honey, don't be disappointed if it doesn't happen that way.". And that was the discussion in it's entirety.

She was right though, life didn't happen that way; I was divorced by the time I was 22. The first time.

I would have loved to have conversations with my mother about body parts, cycles, men, men parts, feelings, crushes, anything. We talked about library books. As a pre-teen, I was allowed to read anything I wanted, even when the municipal librarian called her about
me trying to check out Steinbeck novels, and later, Ian Fleming "James Bond" books. She did steer me over into science fiction, though....
Nobody talked to me about sex, except boys and men.

Please be willing to let her read the wonderful books already mentioned in previous posts. And constantly offer to talk about anything, for her to ask you anything, without repercussions.

 

[Carols Clucks]

I am glad Mom got the talking to already. Well meaning grandparents and other relatives can cause so much damage and not just to girls. My parents were "health nuts" and both felt they had the duty to let people know if they were fat. My dad was rather militant about his right to point out to random strange women that they had a very fat rear end and it was unhealthy, one husband took exception once and yanked his pocket off-lol Even his sisters did not escape his rudeness, he refused to see one sister for a while because she was fat. He even announced my weight and bra size to people at church!! I have had a lot of eating/body issues and still do. I kept my kids at arms length from my dad and explained to them many times that their comments are not helpful, as hard as I tried to keep them insulated from that kind of talk, my older two boys still have issues from the few comments I could not stop. It is sad, because they could never have a good relationship with their grandfather.

If you search youtube, there are a lot of photoshop videos that will show just how fake those women in magazines are, try watching a few of those with her.

If you are concerned about weight, ask her if she wants to come walk with you (bet Mom could use a few walks too) or help with eating more healthy food at home by searching yummy but healthy recipes online, please note I do not think you eat unhealthy or are overweight, it is just good bonding and learning tools.

And make sure you are open with body changes is and that she might like or dislike them, but her body is changing anyway. That it is more important that she understands why and not be mad/sad/upset that they are happening and feel that she has a non judgmental mom to come and ask.

 

[HeatherLynn]

Ok I have to share this because I am still laughing. I got her a couple sports bras while I was out shopping with my mom, thinking they might be a bit more comfy for her. ( they are and she loves them ) Anywho so I come downstairs to tell my mom they fit and she loves how comfy they are. My dad is like why are you rushing her on this, she is only 7. ..........um dad she is almost 9 and a half. .......What!! When did this happen?

I love my parents, really I do but sometimes they really are clueless. I had talked to mom though and talked some more tonight. She will cooperate. I explained where my daughter fell on the weight scale and how this is just changes messing with things right now and she was content I had it all under control.