I need advice from those ladies who were more girlie when young

[chickmashnoon]

Talk to her about it. Don't be shy or worried- it's natural, and be as straightforward as possible. It is a big mistake to let them figure it out for themselves. You are a parent and are their guide to their body and relationships and how to interact with their world. Be sure to use movies and tv as an excuse/launching pad to talk about appropriate/inappropriate behavior between the sexes. Since your daughter is developing early it is especially important to clue her in on the ways boys will try to appeal to her, flatter her, and their motives even if they themselves don't know what they are. Knowledge is the best defense and if you are frank and unashamed, she will be more likely to approach you if a question or issue comes up. Good luck!

 

[they'reHISchickens]

I don't know if it is still in print, but I used a book called " What's happening to my Body" for my girls. There is also one for boys, in case you need it. I read it first and was satisfied with what it covered and the attitude it took with everything. ( Attitude toward the subject is everything!)
I have 3 girls, one skinny slim, one a perfect size 16 and one right in the middle. The size 16 was worrying about her "baby fat" .. and that is what it was.. so when I took her for her 16th yr physical, I asked the Dr right in front of her what he felt she SHOULD weigh. At the time, she was 190(!). He seriously looked at her and said she could lose about 20 pounds. Imagine that. She is about 5'5" and solid muscle at age 30 and still weighs a bit over 170 and is a perfectly proportioned 16. She will never be skinny and she still remembers what her doctor told her she should weigh.
These days, in case you are not aware, the schools very often are taking the children's BMI ( body mass index) and notes are sent home. My youngest gal considered going into the Marines after graduation. They weighed her at the recruiting station. At 5'7" and 160, her BMI was outside the Marine's acceptance range. ( She is also a very muscular, active, gal.) The recruiters stood there, looked in shock, and asked her:" Where do have that much weight? You don't look it." Yet they wanted her to lose 20 lbs before they accepted her. She never went back.
And yeah, the slim one always has been slim. She got the slim genes - lucky gal.
I have to laugh listening to them discuss b**bs-- whose got 'em, who wants 'em,can we split the difference, etc. just so their clothes fit The bottom line is their acceptance of themselves as they are because that's the way God made them and it's just right for them!

 

[itsy]

This thread reminded me of this Youtube clip that a friend just posted on Facebook. I wouldn't mind checking out that DVD. Is that something that's too old to watch with her? Perhaps you could turn her in to some sort of women's rights feminist!

A note on the sports bras - Just don't keep her in them forever, please! I have a very large chest and it started coming in at your daughter's age. My mom had me in sports bras until I was a D cup - and then I couldn't take it anymore. I was in middle school at that point and too embarassed to ask her if we could buy something else.

 

[HeatherLynn]

No, she has others i bought but she wanted ones with frills. She has now learned that frills are itchy. I don't ever remember complaining this much about it but anywho. I am doing what I can to make her more comfortable about the whole thing. She is seeking a ton of reassurance from my husband right now too. I guess she is not so ready to not be a little girl so we are trying to reassure her that just cause her body is changing, if she is not ready to change other things thats fine. She can play with dolls still, she can sit on mommy's lap and have her hair brushed. None of that changes until she wants it to.

I think in the end she will be very strong and very grounded.She is already aware of the boys which is a bit sad. She tries to make friends with my older sons boy scout buddies and they all want girl friends. Apparently they do not feel she is good company for just friends stuff. She is really beautiful already so it causes issues. These boys are only 11 and 12 and far too young to be thinking about girls in my opinion but they already do and she is already a target of their attention. At this point she is finding it a huge pain in the rear. I am very honest and up front with the kids on these things so she is pretty good at handling it. Her brother is not above giving a elbow or two to friends who talk about her too.

 

[itsy]

You're making me nervous. Maybe I don't want kids???

Boys must be so much easier than girls!!

 

[sheaviance1]

Quote:
No, they're not.

 

[HeatherLynn]

Heck no I have an older boy. WOW moody does not begin to describe it and for pitties sake the smell of their shoes is lethal. Boys just have a whole different set of issues and are still worried about their body image too. My son who loved to sing now refuses to sing because he has decided he sounds like a girl because his voice is not as deep as his fathers. Its dang close but not there so he is convinced he sounds like a girl so he is forever trying to talk in different voices to sound like a man. I just nod my head and tell my husband he gets to deal with it. I did the "talk" for the oldest two after the zoo thing by golly he can handle the hair everywhere and voice issues.

And kids are wonderful. I have 4 and I would have more if I could. They are that much fun but they have their issues from time to time. It would be easier though if they only went through the exact same problems we did so we can relate better. The whole being an individual thing is what complicates it, that and we are all trying to do better than our parents did.

 

[SourRoses]

I was going to mention the bra thing too..

My mom and I were super close.. so much of what you mention wasn't a big issue. I no sooner thought something, than it was out of my mouth, and mom was giving me an understanding and sympathetic answer LOL.

I was growing and having the P word at 8 and 9... so I feel you. Darn genes... I guess I'm going to pass them on too

Bras were a hard issue though. Not that we disagreed, but that it had reprecussions. Mom decided to take me bra shopping only after I was nearly a C cup

Granted it was hard for anyone to tell with all the coverings I wore at that age.. but imagine her shock when she had to get me bras that were the same size as her own

Then they were sports bras... and I went along on that when she praised them for their comfort... seemed good to me. Fast forward from age 10 to age 16... and lets just say there were issues. You can figure them out without me posting about them

But it's still a hard thing for me to deal with, self-image wise.

I HIGHLY recommend you look at the Intamacy apparel line website. I don't know if they have a JR's line.. they probably do. But they are all about having a true fitted bra, they were on Oprah, LOL... and their views on bra sizing and proper fit are spot-on.

Anwyay.. back to the girl thing. I see you have already thought on having girls nights.. that's great. My mom and I used to take clogging dance classes together (

) twice a week... and since there was a house of annoying boys waiting for us at home, we would go out to eat a looong dinner after

We often just enjoyed the companionable silence, both bring along books to read in a comfy booth... or we would play games like Hangman and other made-up games on the paper placemats or moms notebook. It was alot of fun, and always gave us ample opportunity to bring up things we wanted to talk about, when we felt like it

On girly girl things and the restaurant subject too... Every girl needs a regular Shirley Temple drink, or at least that what I always thought

Really anything that helps you bond. All too soon she will be a scary T-word.. and this is a great time to get your foot in the door, a bit more, with her.

I can think of alot of ways you could bring her into the fold on things you do. For more time together. You could make some of the Tomboy things you do, a bit more girly for her benefit.

Like... say you're going to tend the animals... You could get you both matching work aprons (like with flowers, and sequins maybe.. OH I know! Have a project together and you both can sew them up.. she can help decide what goes on them) But make them match.. and matching outside girly muckboots... get aprons for the kitchen... that kind of thing. While you two play with the animals together, or cook something yummy (but not too gross, like cutting meat up) in the kitchen... you can encourage her to use her immagination with stories. Like being a milkmaid from way back when... or a fancy chef in a french restaurant or something.
Maybe thats a bit silly... but I would have liked it (perhaps I still would

)

If shes as girly and wanting to be "young" as you say anyway.

Since shes loosing some friends.. like her brothers friends for instance... I would use the opportunity to step in and fill that gap in her time and heart... as mom and all the fun things you can do together.
She may seem to be more of a "girl" to you with the things she has interest in... but you still know more as her mom about being a "girl"... and she will still be looking to you for guidance in that aspect of life

The body-image... well I would take a careful look at who her friends are and what they are saying to her. This was the reason mom decided to homeschool me after the first year of middle school, the girls and then on the other hand, the boys

Her decision worked out well for us though, and thats why I'm going to do homeschooling when I have kids someday.
Other than that... a lot of it is a phase. It could be a long or short phase, depending on her personality. I had friends as girls that were all worried about themselves one year and calm and cool and confident the next.
She might still be able to wear the jeans she likes, just in a larger size... and maybe a belt? I have been known to get the lower waisted jeans in my adult-hood.. despite my ample hips... just get a bigger size and a decorative belt. It might help her feel more "normal" to have the wardrobe sorted out.

On that note... wondering is she has forgotten that she does need larger clothes as she grows? If shes having to fight to get dressed, that might be part of the problem. Maybe you can let her know it's because shes growing taller, not larger... and then sneak off and get her some new outfits and pack the things that don't fit away. I would DEFINETELY cut the tags off of new things before she sees them though

... Or if you happen to be one who lets her pick out her own clothes all the time... in the store, when she sees something she likes, Race in before her and grab the right sized pants (like without the hanger, LOL) for her to try on, and pretend they are the size she wants

 

[HeatherLynn]

Quote:
We actually just did some of this. We went through and took everything out that was too tight and pulled out clothes I had been saving for her next growth spurt. She had it a bit sooner than expected but I was semi ready. I am supposed to take her out for new leggings. She is opting for skirts and tunics with leggings rather than jeans. She really is hating jeans right now. I guess if they are not slims she is not wearing them. She needs the new leggings anyway, hers now look like capri leggings. Child seems like she grows overnight.

I actually do homeschool her and I just got her in with American Heritage Girls and 4H so hopefully that will improve who she hangs out with. For now its just been the sisters of the boys in our pack and her ballet buddies. Dance friends are not the best for giving you a good body image. Most of them are struggling themselves. As is she is one of the very smallest and she is still not happy. I over hear way too much about body issues at the studio though. The teacher isn't this way. Its all the mirrors and leotards are unforgiving.

 

[BantamoftheOpera]

Quote:
Bring up the controversial topics now, because you can bet that your daughter's friends or classmates are already talking about them. I know she seems young for it, but the media has really impacted when children start talking about these things. It's better for her to have the facts now IMO