I need some support, and didn't know where else to go

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Good words right there.

The pain will dull over time but it will never go away. I lost my grandmother 20 years and I still shed tears over her.

I think your healing is going to take longer with a husband that cannot understand your grief. If mine did that to me I would have hauled off and smacked him upside his fool head. How DARE he treat you like that when you have lost a sister so close to you!!!!

Please feel free to come back to us, or me anyways, any time you need to vent, cry, rage or whatever it is that will help you get through this.

And please do not ever introduce your husband to me.

 

[noodleroo]

gryeys is so right. Men want to fix things. And you don't need him to fix you, you can fix yourself.

I know how hard this is, I do. Just keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other and you will get through the grief. You have a lot to be sad about, but you don't have to be sad forever. That part is up to you. You get to decide when its OK to be hopeful again; and that can be today or a year or 10 years from now. You get to decide. Bad things happen to good people because life is a balance of all things. No need wasting time with regrets. When you are ready, take control of your life back. Find something to look forward to.

In relationships, people either grow together or they grow apart. Growing together takes effort on BOTH participants. Growing apart requires no cooperation from either. If the two of you decide that you want to grow together, find a professional to help you communicate.

I'm so sorry that you are sad. Just in case you get any insensitive comments here, just ignore them. Know that the caring people on this site will continue to care for you and you can always say what you feel to us. We're here and we're listening...

 

[Cindiloohoo]

Melissa, I am so sorry about your sister hun

I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better, but I know there is not. It is so hard when someone we care so deeply for leaves this life and moves forward without us. She's not gone though. There are pieces of her left with you, right where she wanted them, the wall hanging is not a lie, it is her conversation with you, captured forever. Sometimes when people leave us it feels so empty, but if you look around, they are still there, remnants of who they ARE (not were), is still within reach. I say who they are, because we know this life is not all there is to be had. Think about eternity. Think about how long you two will be together, and can have talks then, and missed things you were to have in this life won't seem so big. Please don't be angry with God, no one gets out of this life with their fleshly body and that is all of her that is not still with you. Be happy that your sister is the beautiful person that she is, and that, because of that, you will be able to be with her again. Be thankful for Christ for enabling that outcome for you two. Yes, God loves us so much he sent His child, the ONLY one, so that we all can be reunited. This is not the end. Your sister did not die forever, she just beat the rest of us home. Although it hurts on this level, praise God that it doesn't have to be forever, isn't that what your sister would have you do? She left you a message, on the wall, that is your message. That is what she wanted you to know. People don't always tell us things with their voices. Some people tell us things with their hearts. Embrace what she has left you with. It won't get much easier to handle, people like her are unforgettable, so you have to keep her with you and have those conversations that matter on her terms, through her life, not through her physical death. I pray that you find peace with God thorugh this, because He is the only way for you two to be together again.

 

[michickenwrangler]

When my husband died, my dad came up and took my daughter out so I could sob and sob uninterrupted. Maybe give your husband free rein for a "guys' night out" so you can cry and he gets to spend time with his friends.

So sorry for your loss.

 

[Cowgirlgrace]

Well, there are a lot of shoulders to cry on here so that should help but sounds like you need to dump the guy, get some counseling and move on. Get out while the gettins good. Children will not help the situation.

 

[Wisher1000]

You listen to me. God has not put more on you than you can handle - He promised never to do that. Your faith in Him may falter, but His faith in you will not. I know you are hurt and scared and mad and frustrated and it's okay to have those feelings. It's normal and healthy and you are doing it just fine! As for your marriage. This is really going to be a trial by fire for that. I agree with counseling, it helps but may not fix anything. You are the only one who can and only with God's help. So go ahead - scream, cry, bawl, curl up and sleep for days if you have to. Then, get to church. Find a group to take you in and get on with living. God will help you, He already is helping you. Forgive yourself, if He can forgive you, you certainly shouldn't think you don't deserve to be forgiven. Understand that what you grieve is your time with your beloved sister. It's okay to miss her. Give all that sorrow and stress and hurt and anger to God. Let go of it. Your sister is no longer in pain and never will be again. You're the one in pain. SHE WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY. Do it. Do it for her, and do it for yourself. I wish your husband were better able to help, but he is having his own issues at the moment, and you are in no position to help him. Find someone who can help you both - in the way of a Christian counselor, pastor or church group. Pray for your DH twice a day, it is hard to be angry at someone you are praying that hard for. I, and many others, no doubt, will pray hard for you. Remember your promise, to love, honor and cherish, for better or for worse, in good times and bad. Love is a verb, it means that you are doing something, not feeling something, and it is not dependant on the other person returning it equally. Forgive him, even when he doesn't deserve it. It will be better for YOU! God will bless you for it. You will start to feel a little stronger as time goes by and eventually you will realize that you are going to be alright. You have God to lean on. You have his strength inside you, it's just hard to find right now. Keep looking for it and show it to others when you can. God loves you, your family and friends love you, I love you. Love yourself.

Now, I understand the anger others have expressed toward your DH. I feel that, too. Ya'll don't jump all over me about cutting him too much slack.

I'm not saying he's right and I am fully aware that it may get worse before it gets better. Her marriage may not survive all this, but our sweet OP can not do both parts, she can only do her part and the rest is up to God (and her DH.) When she has a grip on her own turmoil and she is strong and thinking clearly, she will be better prepared to deal with the issues he has that all of us see.

 

[debilorrah]

Wisher I am not gonna get on you about your words. I think they may have needed to wait a few days, and ease into it. The OP is obviously a believer that feels let down. I've been there. I have also learned through my years on this planet that my God is not a revengeful God. So I now take my lumps as they come.

I think she needs to comforted right now, and I for one am offering prayer for her.

 

[redhen]

I'm so sorry that you are hurting like this. I want to cry for you..

I have to honestly say that he is hurting you more and more...and you'll never get away from that hurt if you stay with him. Never, it will never stop.... it IS a vicious cycle that will continue. (unless he changes.... and i wouldnt count on that.)

Please dont stay with him and keep being hurt..day after day.... not knowing how hes going to treat you, fighting, living on eggshells...
It isnt a way to live. And i dont think for a minute that your sister that loved you dearly, would want too see you being hurt by him.
As you know... life IS just too short..please dont waste it living with a miserable person. But in the end, of course, the choice it always yours.
Best wishes with everything.. I'm so sorry for your pain.

 

[Wisher1000]

Debi, did my words sound harsh? I reeealllly hope they did not. I spoke from a loving and confident heart. I want the OP to feel reasured in her faith and I want her to know that even when we stumble and fall, God is there and will always be there. I understand that she has lost confidence in her beliefs and I think that we all have at times. I hoped to encourage her to remember that He is not vengeful and is not punishing her and that she will be okay even though it may not feel like it right now.

Bossynbella, I hoped to help you find a small amount of that inner strength. Sort of a strong hand to help you up a bit. I hope and pray that that is the way you read it. It was meant in the most loving way. If I didn't convey that well in my writing (it happens in email sometimes) My sincerest and deeply heartfelt apologies. I know you can handle this, I want you to know it as well...

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
No they did not sound harsh at all. Mine did, but I cannot tolerate a man that is mean to a woman in pain. Does fly in my book.