I need to vent

[Frost Homestead]

now that he's actually been arrested and there is evidence of a threat it may be easier to get a restraining order. my MIL had mentioned it when she had him arrested, but of course she never followed through. I don't really know anything about how it's done other than you have to file the right paperwork with the courts. I guess it's time to do some research....

the thing is, I'm not as concerned about Rob as I am about his wife. I say this because he didn't actually threaten us, but his wife did when they came over @ 2am and were asked to leave. She is a sociopath, the kind of person you avoid insulting not because you're trying to keep the peace but rather because you fear what crazy thing she might do in retaliation.

I have a big golden retriever and a yappy little chihuahua, so at least I'd have some warning if someone were to try and get into the yard. Our front door has a deadbolt and is always locked but we usually use the back entrance, if someone was trying to get in here for some reason they would use one of our 4 gates (which are all locked now as well).

My husband is unemployed so he's home most of the time and he has even less patience for their garbage than I do. I think he's very proud of me for finally telling his mother what's up, usually I err on the side of caution (who wants their MIL to hate them) but at this point I know it's not our fault, and the fact that she would intentionally do something that would detriment us just sent me over the edge.

 

[b.hromada]

Best of luck to you in this matter.

I understand how you feel.

 

[Frost Homestead]

Quote:
that's a good idea, he was charged with a 3rd degree felony for making a terrorist threat. I'm on good terms with my neighbors, I'll make sure to talk to them, it would also help for them to recognize their car so if they ever see it around they can let us know. It's a small town, so there are no schools.

thanks for the encouraging words, I certainly do hope they move on...I wish they would just forget we're even here

 

[Frost Homestead]

b.hromada :

Best of luck to you in this matter.

I understand how you feel.

thanks b.hromada!

 

[MaryMouse]

Wow so sorry to hear what you are going through. My mother is that way with my brother. I worry for her safety, and everytime there is an (episode) she changes her locks. Then he acts like an angel and she gives him the key to her house again. He has burnt down several residences (all accidental of course) cough cough. So its not like its an idle threat. He has hated me since my birth, and my first 2 memories in life are he tried to kill me. So yeah her little baby (nearing 50) is a real gem. And she dotes on him, and is absolutely awed by the glow he emits. She also knows that me and my family don't even want to sit in the same room with him, due to a lifetime of (episodes), yet she plays her games, and pulls drama acts, uses blackmail type tactics, just to get us all together. She ruins every holiday and birthday with this crap. He lives just up the road from us (mom provides) and actually spies on us, and knows our every move. Which scares us cause of the fire thing. Your best bet if he does move in on the street, get a 5 camera security system in.
I really really feel for you. And after reading a brief Cliff note version of my life, I can say kinda know how you feel, been there, and your not alone. This certainaly helps me, when I am going through rough patches. The holidays were super bad for me, mom worked on pulling her crap on me doubletime. Nearly took me under. I am newish to BYC and posting and chatting with folks here helps too. Gosh hope things work out for you.

 

[Frost Homestead]

Quote:
MaryMouse, sorry to hear you're also experiencing such crappy relationships with family too. As bad as it sucks, you're right, it's kind of reassuring to know I'm not the only one who has put up with stuff like this. The way you describe how you mother treats your brother and the way she acts in general by being manipulative and dramatic sounds *very* similar to the way she behaves and the way she treats Rob. No matter how bad it gets, no matter what he does to the family she is right there for him. She had been paying all of his rent and expenses up until he got married and went to Colorado. And I mean EVERYTHING. Things were actually good while they were gone, all of this started within one week of him being back. "Episodes" is really the best way to describe it too, it's like a big nasty stewpot of mental illness and enabling. I guess the problem isn't just Rob and his wife, as bad as it seems, it really her enabling him to do it that makes it really so bad on everyone.

 

[redhen]

Sounds like mom is half of the reason the kid is the way he is...
She sounds like she has some real "issues" too...
I hope you married the "sane" one out of the lot...

Just sayin'

 

[Frost Homestead]

oh I completely agree! 1000000% agree

luckily out of 7 boys he is the only trouble maker, but that's because some of them can distance themselves from her and the two who still live with her isolate themselves by being hermits in their rooms. it's not a normal home environment, they call their mother by her first name. I guess they all have their individual issues, but they're not criminals, abusers, or mentally ill at least

I think I also inject a healthy dose of stability and reality into the whole situation because I'm an 'outsider' and people know I've got my stuff together

thank goodness my husband is sane, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that her behavior is so out of whack that everyone sees it and does their best to avoid being that kind of person.

 

[MaryMouse]

A good point about marrying the sane one of the lot has been made. Good point indeed. Let me just say that my mom, dad, and brother are absolutely awful. Always have been always will be. They are mean ,nasty ,manipulative, mentally ill, alcoholic, dramatic, emotional game players , pot stirrers, trouble makers, the list is endless. Everyone who knows me and my family DH and DS, questions why I turned out so good, or why I am so normal, or the fact that I am a good upstanding citizen of the community. The answer is so simple. I knew everything I didnt want to be. I try to stay away from them, as much as possible, but they are obbsesed with me and my family, and wont leave us alone. I literally spent my entire life hiding from them as much as possible. They have even followed us on vacation. (thanks alot) For the most part I am a mentally stable, hard working, salt of the earth farmer type person. The last time I flipped my lid is when my brother caused major problems with his neighbor, and mom sat there defending him and his actions, calling him fragile. I was on my way up the road to fix things (cause the community calls us if they have a problem, mom just enables him more) and was very luckily beat there by the state police. He was hauled away. And what he did was real bad, otherwise I would not of flipped so bad. So besides the episodes they create, I am normal.

As I said before yeap been there, not so fun. Sometimes hard to keep your chin up, but friends help alot. After all friends are family we create for ourselves.

 

[lotzahenz]

Mary and Frost, you are not alone. I would guess half of us on the BYC site have family drama of some kind. I know my family sure has it's share of trouble. There are the 'normal' ones of us and then there are the ones who are so far from normal, you would be amazed at the stories. I tell you what I think finally helped me though: Validation. I have fought with my own mother for years. She was an abusive alcoholic. She GOES OFF on us kids all the time and yep, I am almost 50 now and she still does it. NO one ever believes me or my siblings that she can be so bad, so mean and so hateful, well until this year. She finally showed her real self to sisters and FINALLY, after literally 45 years, they understand and validated my feelings. I felt a huge, instant relief. I have no idea why that was so important to me, but it was. Just having someone say, I hear you and I believe you and you have a right to feel this way. Your BYC family is here for you! <hug>

Of course Frost, it is your MIL that is the bad brother's problem, she never allowed him to grow up and she is still enabling him to be a looser. Good luck and I wish you both the best.

HenZ