I need you guys, badly.

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Chickengal505, Sep 8, 2011.

  1. Chickengal505

    Chickengal505 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 4, 2010
    Bolivia N.C
    My familyand I are tired. As some of you may know, My great aunt has stage four lung cancer, a spot on her Liver, her brain and her spine. She is in a great deal of pain. All of us are. We have lashed out with words and pushed family away. I have fought with my family harshly. I have been out of school for a great deal of days, trying to heal. But alas we are tired. I am taking my Cousain's place at the angel house (a Large house with hospitial like rooms for family to live with loved ones untill they pass) In whiteville. A good two hours from my house. I will be away for the whole week-end as Lynn needs to rest and seep happyness from her male companion in florida. So, I'll be living there, in a cold room for five days. It's the least I can do. But I've learned through all this, this is my battle. I must fight it alone. My pain is to be bottled untill a decent time. I have to be stronger than I've ever been. Through my abanonment, to my toddler years as a drug addict's daughter. To my young life as the rebel girl who is mentally abused. To my pre-teen years of phyical abuse, to my teen years as the stand in mother, the safe harbor, the one who fights for you. I'll have to be stronger than all that. I have to hold myself untill four, when I can come home from school and release my pain. I'll truly have to grin and bear it. My aunt is tired of fighting, and so am I. But I can't quit. I'll have to be the giver, not the taker, like normal but on a larger scale. After Lilly, My favorite hen had seizures and passed in my arms from a broken neck and a crushed windpipe, passed away, I find myself in a state of shock. With no one to help. I reached out to my old best friend trying to cling to my life raft, as he has always been, but he shut me off. Turned and looked the other way. I could never pile this on Megan, oh poor weak Megan could never bear this pain. So I am left to fight this alone. One girl with a pop-gun aganst an army with tanks. But I must be strong. I must be confident. I must be the thing I never had. I must be the provider of warmth and comfort. Or realease from pain. I must be a fighter. I might come out broken and bloody, crushed and bearly breathing. But I must come through, there are too many people who need me. I must make the sacrifice my mother and father opted out of. I have to hold my brother's and sisters up. I have to be gentle and kind to my animals. I have to be strong for Megan who needs escape and protection from her parents. I have to be open and caring for Jacob, the one who rejects me, but doesn't realise that I am here. I have to pull myself through, for my grandma Mathis. I must be strong for myself.
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2011
  2. Chickengal505

    Chickengal505 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 4, 2010
    Bolivia N.C
    I'm sorry guys, I shouldn't ry to pile this on you. I just really need a hug, a pat on the back and a giant bowl of ice-cream.
  3. Boyd

    Boyd Recipient of The Biff Twang

    Mar 14, 2009
    get ahold of me on facebook kiddo, lets talk [​IMG] I've BTDT with a son, and trust me, I know what you are going through.
  4. BorderKelpie

    BorderKelpie Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 1, 2009
    outside Dallas

    YOu can do this - you are stronger than you think.
  5. kidcody

    kidcody Overrun With Chickens

    Your never alone. [​IMG]
  6. BrattishTaz

    BrattishTaz Roo Magnet

    Jan 8, 2011
    Tampa Area, Florida
  7. Fierlin1182

    Fierlin1182 powered-flight

    Aug 26, 2011
    I'm sorry, stay strong. [​IMG]
  8. Wisher1000

    Wisher1000 Bama Biddy

    Sounds like you have it in your head what your plan is. Keep plugging, take it one day at a time, and if you stumble or "lose it" from time to time, pick yourself up, dust it off and try again. I know it may not seem like it, but this is temporary. There will come a time in the future when you are happy and at peace. Keep your eye on that goal. I wish I could give you a real hug (and that bowl of ice cream!) But here...[​IMG]

    edited for left out words
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2011
  9. Fierlin1182

    Fierlin1182 powered-flight

    Aug 26, 2011
    Yeah, keep that hope up, I forgot to mention. We finished watching a film in class today, City of Joy. It was good. Had some nice messages in it. [​IMG]

    That's nice of you to stay strong for the people who need you, by the way. very unselfish of you [​IMG]
  10. Iowa Roo Mom

    Iowa Roo Mom Resistance Is Futile

    Apr 30, 2009
    Keokuk County
    If you need to talk, I am on FB. My e-mail there is [email protected]. I have been there with my mother. She has a chronic health condition that has caused her much pain over many years and countless hospitalizations though the years. I started doing laundry since I could see over the top of the washer and cooking for my family since I could figure out how to light the stove without burining the house down. I know about having alot on your plate and feeling like you have to shoulder it all, all of the time.

    Hang in there, I know it seems overwhelming sometimes, but you're always welcome to unload on us. [​IMG]

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