I really needed to read this

[SarahFair]

Quote:
Give a man a fish he can eat one night, teach a man to fish hell eat for the rest of his life

 

[cmjust0]

We've had this "discussion" more times than either of us care to...

Her -- "I do everything!!!"
Me -- "Really, because I seem to remember going to work today..."
Her -- "I mean around here.. I do everything around here!"
Me -- "Really? Who built all the fences?"
Her -- "ARGGH! I mean in the house... I do all the housework!"
Me -- "Yeah, because you've made it clear that I screw up all the housework."
Her -- ".. ... .... ..... ...... Well.. I think you do that on purpose."
Me -- "No, I don't."
Her -- "blah blah blah"
Me -- "blah blah blah BLAH"
Her -- "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH"
Me -- "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!"

You get the picture.

Here's the thing.. If instead of declaring "I do everything!" she's say "Will you seperate your laundry and throw your darks in?" I'd say "Sure." Or if she'd say "Hey, can you do the dishes?", I'd say "No problem."

Why do I need to be asked to do that, you wonder?

Because if I were to seperate my laundry and throw my darks in when **I** decided to do it, I can gaurandamntee she'd be like....."Why is there something in the wash? Ugh... I was just getting ready to do the towels..." Or if I do the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, she'd be like "The other stuff in the dishwasher was clean...now it's gotta go through again" or "Did you use this scrubby or that one, because I only use this one for stuff that's had meat on it."

If those examples sound super specific, it's because THEY ARE.

So, I don't even try. I've been taught better at this point. She's trained me well to be useless around the house.

What's a guy to do?!?

 

[AK Michelle]

Quote:
I hear ya. And I thank you for your input. There are always 2 sides to every story.

I don't deny that I created this "monster" but now I need to work on recreating a little harmony.

 

[Southernbelle]

I agree that if one spouse is a perfectionist and squashes the other's will to help, especially if the perfectionist goes back and re-does everything. That was never my problem, so I don't know what to tell you there.

 

[cmjust0]

I gotta tell you guys my favorite..

She got all aggravated one day unloading the dishwasher after I'd done the dishes.. She's the kind who washes the dishes to the point where most folks without an automatic dishwasher would put them in the cabinet, and then she puts them in the automatic dishwasher..

Anyway, that's fine.. I do the same thing when I do the dishes, because...well, because I know the rules. So she's unloading the dishwasher and there's some...stuff...on some of them after I'd washed and loaded the dishwasher.

Her -- "Did you just rinse the dishes off before you loaded the dishwasher?"
Me -- "No, I washed them."
Her -- "Then why is there crap all over them?"
Me -- "I have no idea."
Her -- "I don't think you actually washed them."
Me --

Her --

So on, so forth.. I was banned from doing dishes and/or loading the dishwasher after that. Suffice it to say that she was not happy.

Well, not so long after that, I notice her quietly picking gunk off the clean dishes SHE loaded..

Hehehehe... "Whatcha doin?" hehehee..

After a little examination, I determined that the heating element had a bunch of limescale on it which was probably why things weren't looking so great on the way out. Ran a dishwasher cleaner thingy through it and VOILA -- clean dishes again!

Totally made my day.

 

[AK Michelle]

Quote:

I'm saving for a new dishwasher because the dishes haven't gotten clean in months (well they do now cause we wash by hand) but somebody won't even look at it. He just says Hmm, must be something wrong with it.

 

[AK Michelle]

Really, I'm not a perfectionist. I don't think I've ever gone behind anybody and redone anything, although I have hovered over a child or two and let them redo a chore...

My problem is I just do it. I almost never ask for help. I need to reprogram myself to ask and find a way to inspire him.

 

[SarahFair]

lolol

I teach my SO HOW to do things. If he THEN still screws it up I show him AGAIN. Whenever hes doing "new" stuff around the house I like to stand beside him 'No no, like this'. He gets very aggrivated. I remind him 'Im only showing you how to do it right to avoid future problems!' Que the eye roll

Ive taught him where the dishes go in the dishwasher. They all have a certain place so that it is easier to unload. I showed him WHY I put them there while he was unloading them. 'LOOK HONEY DOESNT IT MAKE IT THAT MUCH EASIER?!?!' Que the eyeroll AGAIN..


Now whenever he knows HOW to do things he just has this *sigh* attitude about it..
Ill go up and rub him back and say 'WOW! You are doing such and AWESOME job!' Que the eyeroll followed by a get away from me look..

But I dont get it. I thank him and congratulate him on what a good job hes doing and he gets mad

But all this is only on a excellently rare day.

 

[AK Michelle]

Quote:
Maybe it's a guy thing, try Hi-fiving him or slapping his behind like they do in football...

 

[cmjust0]

Quote:
Yeah, I think that would probably aggravate me,t too.. Seems more than a little condescending.

Think of it this way.. If you're the one who cooks, how would you take it if he came up and said "No, you're supposed to sprinkle salt like this," stopped you, stood there with you until you got it "right," and then had the gall to seriously come congratulate you everytime you did it correctly?

I'm guessing he'd be making a little trail of salt everywhere he went for a while after that, huh?

What you have to understand is that no matter how much sense it makes to you that things get done in a specific way, a woman's specific ways almost always seem completely and utterly arbitrary and ridiculous to a guy. That's just the way it is, and it's almost universal.

Now, ask yourself this... Would you rather your guy do the dishes even though he may not put them in exactly same order as you do, or is the order important enough and so easy to do that if he won't do it, you'd rather he just not do dishes at all? Seriously...pretend that those are your only two choices, and make one..





Now...think about what's actually happening in your household..






Is it possible that you're already getting the choice you just made?

:dontsmackmeplease