I really needed to read this

[Southernbelle]

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I don't want to say it, because I really like you...but this is the perfectionist attitude that ultimately defeats you. I never cared how my husband loads or unloads the dishwasher as long as the kitchen ends up cleaner than when he started. He just refuses to do any housework because he feels it's my job and he shouldn't have to because I stay home and he works.

I would feel like I was being treated like a child if someone spoke that way to me and I would be really mad over it.

I'm sorry.

 

[cmjust0]

I read the article, by the way.. It's about 80% crap from where I'm sitting, but the 20% that's not crap is really pretty good.

The one nugget about not being so picky and to vacate if you can't stand to watch us do something that isn't specifically how y'all would do it actually covers about 90% of the arguments I've had recounted to me in conversations I've had with other guys about this very thing.

Almost every guy says the same thing -- she doesn't want me to do it, so I don't, and then she gets mad. Over and over and over again, I've heard that.

Lemme tell you guys this, too.. My stepmom is really a "I don't care how it gets done, so long as it gets done" kind of a person. When my dad became semi-retired, he found himself with a lot of time on his hands. He now does all the housework, cooks most of the meals, does laundry, etc etc etc.. His meals sometimes -- WOW. She'll come home and he'll have just made something up, right out of thin air.

What does she do?

Well, I can tell you what she doesn't do.. She doesn't say "This would be better if..." or "Did you rinse the this lettuce?" No, she just very eats it, like a guy would just very eat whatever his wife made without going "Are these almonds? Why in the world did you put almonds in here?"

They're happy as clams, folks. Right to the core.. He doesn't mind doing any of that stuff because he doesn't have someone standing over his shoulder going "urdoinitrong urdoinitrong urdoinitrong" and she doesn't have to do much but get up and go to work these days..

Just sayin'. If you're feeling like "The Superior Wife" or whatever, you might wanna think about making that kind of change..

 

[cmjust0]

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-- brilliant.

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-- unacceptable.

 

[Southernbelle]

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-- brilliant.

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-- unacceptable.

Thanks, friend.

 

[AK Michelle]

I too am just like Belle, doesn't matter to me how it's done as long as it's done. I prefer the dishes not fall back out of the cupboard when you open the door but just past that, as long as they're in there, I'm a happy camper.

The problem is how to get him to do it. Any of it. I don't even care which "it" he does. I don't like to nag, I have asked and gotten no action. I guess maybe I just need a bigger stick

Unlike Belle, I work full time, so he doesn't have the excuse of me being home all day.

BTW, staying at home with kids all day is a lot of work. I do think it is just a little easier to go to work than stay home with kids, been there, done that. It's work and there's no coffee break.

 

[saddina]

Two things off the list grasshopper....

 

[Blackbird]

I agree, CM. People, both men and women need to learn to just RELAX and not make such a big deal out of a mistake. Is a flake of food on a dish worth ruining an entire day? No. And if it was in the dishwasher, it was probably a CLEAN piece of crud. Lol.

 

[AK Michelle]

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[SarahFair]

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I don't want to say it, because I really like you...but this is the perfectionist attitude that ultimately defeats you. I never cared how my husband loads or unloads the dishwasher as long as the kitchen ends up cleaner than when he started. He just refuses to do any housework because he feels it's my job and he shouldn't have to because I stay home and he works.

I would feel like I was being treated like a child if someone spoke that way to me and I would be really mad over it.

I'm sorry.

Dont be sorry

I know I have my problems. I think a lot of it stems from how I was raised. I had to do it just like my dad wanted. I like uniform. I like MY way.
I sometimes feel like I have to teach him how to do things cause his mother was behind him with a dust pan and broom (still is). I kinda feel like Im helping him out in life (in some way).

I know its probly annoying for him but its annoying for me when he loads the dishwasher in a way that leaves 1/2 the dishes in the sink for me to do later..

I have a lot of demons to work with

 

[AK Michelle]

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Don't we all