I screwed up at work

[chickened]

As my wife would say "time to put on the big girl pants".

 

[un-named543]

Yup!

 

[sourland]

I'm somewhat off the hook at this point. The head guy emailed me back and thanked me for fessing up and said it is best not mentioned. I told him I would say nothing unless directly confronted and thanked him.
That is something I love about men. They deal with something. They DEAL with it in their mind and then can forget about it. Many women are wired differently and stuff just floats all over and hangs on with us and we stress over it.
Somebody help me think more like a man!

Nope, no need to change anything about you. I feel that you think just fine and are to be commended for the way that you have handled this situation.

 

[un-named543]

Nope, no need to change anything about you. I feel that you think just fine and are to be commended for the way that you have handled this situation.

Thank you! I was prepared to discuss it at work if needed, but nothing was mentioned.

 

[EweSheep]

Nothing worse having an office filled with back biting, gossipy, naracassitic females! Believe me, I worked in the office of one and never again! I felt sorry for the ratio of only three men working out of 50 females at one company. If no men were there, there would be liable to have a WWIII going on!

 

[AprilAWZ]

Back in school, I worked in one of those offices in the reception pool. It was me and 4 older women, and they lived to backbite, whine and generally create drama. The thing is, the other women in the same department were just fine, none of the bs that existed with the receptionists. The angry women were just that - mad. They were clearly miserable with their lives, but for whatever reason, did nothing to change their situations. It was as if they were waiting for permission to go on to bigger and better, or for someone to do it for them and make their lives better.

Other than the "office from hell", I've found that people act like they're treated. If they are treated with respect, they pretty much get along. I remember the last office that I worked at - staffed by really great women, and run by lazy men who literally sat back and let us do all the work. You know, the "let the girls do it" kind of mentality, while they got the kudos from upper management when everything went smoothly. The only problem was that the good workers got sick of this after about a year or so, and started quitting. We put up with a lot of stuff without complaint, but after constant piling-on and under-appreciation, we saw it for what it was, and left.

The thing is, I'm really happy to be a woman. And I'm incredibly happy that I think like one! I don't for a second believe in equality of gender - I don't have my DH's physical strength and endurance and ability to focus like a laser at the task at hand for hours on end, but at the same time, he's not nearly as nurturing, creative and resourceful as I am, and God save us all if he had to plan for anyone but himself, for any longer than a day from now! We're wired differently, we're built differently. That's great! The problem comes in when we live in a culture that devalues women...the feminine is belittled and made to seem childish, while anything masculine is seen as strength and wisdom. We all hear "Oh, quit acting like a little girl!" or "What's got your panties all in a bunch? PMSing?". But what are the derogatory remarks referring to the masculine? Not many out there, because we place a higher value there. You only hear the ones deriding someone for not being "man" enough.

Created equally? No, and praise be to all that's holy for that! Valued equally? Unfortunately, no. And there's your can o' worms

I don't mind when the men at the feed store insist on carrying 50# bags of feed. It's totally unnecessary - I truck the things around enough to the point that I do it better than that strong, strapping hubby of mine. But that's just me - the way we're built, most women would have a problem hauling those buggers. I'm the hunter in the family, but I don't mind a bit when folks assume that DH is the guy the ammo is for. Again, I see that more as a flexible gender reality than derogatory stereotype. But when it comes to being treated as "lesser", I take issue with that.

I worked with a doc who would play with my curly hair and tell my how pretty I was. Another who would start singing "April in Paris" every morning when he saw me. No biggy, (and good entertainment value, truth be told...he was awful!) because these docs treated me just as professionally as the next guy in the room. Teaching ESL, I worked with men from all sorts of patriarchal cultures with very distinct gender roles. I used these norms as part of my teaching plan, because it was something that they could understand and relate to. Nothing wrong there, both roles were treated with respect.

Un-named, I'm glad it worked out for you. I've been there....I told some not-so-PG joke (relating to, ahem, "relations") at work once, and it turned out that one of the gals was really conservative and her humor didn't exactly go that way. I was a little sick when I found out, and went to apologize. She laughed it off. I did learn my lesson...know your audience!

 

[oldrooster]

un-named 543 I want your boss if I tried to describe my boss words would fail me because he is so awful, someone called him an sob one day and I told the person to make apologies to my female dog. yes the word scum would not fit because a filthy bathroom with scum is cleaner than his mind and deserves more respect.

 

[cassie]

AprilAWZ,

I laughed when I read the part in your post where you are the hunter but everyone assumes the ammo is for your DH. My uncle used to do beautiful crochet work. Aunt Mae couldn't crochet or knit a stitch to save her life. This was back in the days when a man wouldn't dare admit he did needlework. Aunt Mae was always getting complimented on her beautiful crocheted bedspreads and tablecloths. She would just smile sweetly and say thank you. As for me, I had to go out of town for a few weeks to take care of my mother when she was ill. The good ladies of the church kept my brother and husband well supplied with delicious hot dishes for their suppers during my absence. The reason I thought this was so funny is that I didn't do the cooking. My brother did. Of course neither he nor my husband ever told the nice ladies of the church that.

 

[redhen]

un-named 543 I want your boss if I tried to describe my boss words would fail me because he is so awful, someone called him an sob one day and I told the person to make apologies  to my female dog. yes the word scum would not fit because a filthy bathroom with scum is cleaner than his mind and deserves more respect.

So i'm assuming you dont like him?..

 

[jtbrown]

To the original poster, I am glad things are working out, we all make mistakes!

I work in the medical field and there are about umpteen times I can recall awkwardness about certain situations at work. Because we deal with such a gritty subject, it is hard to describe the things that I see and deal with with both my male and female colleagues. I would say there are many parts of our patient's lives that we should not know but because of the nature of our work, we see it all. The raw grief, pain, and sometimes agony we see will tear you up without a little relief valve. We sometimes/often cross boundaries verbally between ourselves that I would loathe getting broadcast beyond our close group. Really, I am not raunchy, crude, or nasty most of the time and certainly not with family, friends, associates on any occasion outside of work. But I think knowing those around you and the bonding that goes on between emergency personnel -- even folks I normally don't 'like' makes it different. These folks are giving, compassionate, and work in extremes, but man some of the one liners are killer!

I worked in a secretarial pool as I worked through my undergrad, I was so glad when they changed the work flow and dissolved the pool; "nasty" doesnt begin to describe it.

I also work hard side by side my husband physically, as well as complete jobs when he is not home that amaze him. But I don't mind the men who load my car for mr at the feed store. I think we are fortunate to be the flexible sex that is for sure, much more leeway than men in what is acceptable (for the most part).

Really wanted to say that work is odd, we really spend as much time or sometimes more shoulder to shoulder with colleagues than we do with our spouses with the exception of sleeping every day. We didn't pick our colleagues in most cases like we picked our spouse. We are human and therefore say and do stupid things occasionally (speaking for myself here) and it is a wonder there is not more problems at work because of that!

Good luck!