I think my stepdaughter is stealing from us

[gritsar]

Quote:

It wasn't my DH's kids that sat by his hospital bed non-stop when he almost died two years ago, it was me. They were too busy with their own lives.

 

[The Chicken People]

Yes your spouse comes first! Sorry your going through this! I think my dsd finally grew out of her problems!

 

[deerman]

Quote:
When you marry someone with kids, THEY come first. Just becuase his relationship with their mother did not work out does not mean that he divorced his kids. Yes, there are times to cut the apron strings on adult children, but think about how you would feel if your own child needed help in some manner and your spouse felt like it was unimportant. How about if you went to your parent and asked for help, and you were treated as if you were a stranger?

Now I know why the divorce rate is so high. When you marry someone THEY come first, kids second. It should always be that way - kids grow up and leave. Your spouse is there with you for your entire life.

Like you said divorce is high, so most spouse are not with you your entire life, but your kids will alway be your blood, till the day you die..

My sons would never hurt my relationship with a woman. If a woman was to try to come between me and my sons she would be out.
No my sons are not perfect, but they would never come between me and a woman. Its a different type of Love, one can NOT replace the other.

 

[deerman]

Quote:
Nice to see a vote on this, think most women think they come b4 a mans kids.. Dont hear men trying to come b4 a womans kids. Guess its a different in fathers and mothers.

Dont want to upset anyone here, but we dont all think the same........PEACE

 

[rainplace]

Quote:
Nice to see a vote on this, think most women think they come b4 a mans kids.. Dont hear men trying to come b4 a womans kids. Guess its a different in fathers and mothers.

Dont want to upset anyone here, but we dont all think the same........PEACE

This made me lol.

 

[texasgal]

gritsar .. just seeing this.

My DSS was/is the same way. We hid things from him when he lived at home .. now that he's "on his own" .. he is so good at "working" his dad.

DH soooo wants him to be something that he's never going to be. This kid lies when telling the truth would benefit him better. I've gotten to where I don't even believe DH when he says "If I find out he's lying to me again, that's it .. I'll never ....."

Basically he's an insulin-dependent, uneducated, semi-working, lying, drinking, pot-smoking, car wrecking, mooching, lying 19-year old .. that turns on the "I love you daddy" when he wants money. I HAVE managed to convince DH to not give him cash anymore .. we just pay his bills, buy his insulin, buy him groceries .. bla bla bla

Then the best thing ever is when we make suggestions for him to .. go back to school, get another job, come home, quit partying, etc .. his response is:


"I'm sorry dad, I just can't do that. I'm a man now. It's a pride thing. I have to do this on my own."

Uh, YEAH, THAT's why you call us everytime you've blown your money on partying and now need insulin.. or food ..

Sigh ..... he IS the child his daddy made.. LOL

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

There are ways of supporting a near grown child and there are ways of enabling an immature child. Kids need to learn to make their own decisions, and to suffer or enjoy the consequences. That teaches them more than having someone else always make the decisions. Kids need boundaries so that they can learn to navigate safely on their own. Throwing them to the wolves by removing all boundaries and tossing them out there on their own with no experience benefits no one.

"If you choose to live here you will maintain a job and do these chores, or attend school full time, or pay $XX rent (or whatever requirements you want to set)."

"Tell me what your goals are? Do you have a plan? Is there some way we can help you achieve that?"

"Have you considered ....?"

"Sorry, I am not willing to support XXXX. But if you are willing to _____________ (fill in the blank with some job that you need to have done), I will pay you $XX (or purchase insulin or whatever) when it is completed."

 

[Sunny the Hippie Chick]

Some one was taking small bills and change from my house. When we had my SIL babysit. She was not allowed to have friends over here too. But she did. And stuff came up missing. So we set a trap. We hid a video camera inside of one of our surround sound speakers. And recorded the whole time we were gone to find out who was taking the stuff.

I would set a trap of her trying to get stuff out of your purse or the change jar. Then maybe show a copy (I repeat, a copy.) to her cop dad. Then if the problem doesnt resolve. I would press charges. Cant let her get away with it or it will only get worse with time. It must be stopped. I know cause I had a sister like that when we were younger. And she ended up going way down hill before realizing that what she was doing was wrong.

 

[Krysstyllanthrox]

Marriage vows: Forsaking all others. Means the spouse comes first.

Gritstar: I think you're on the right path of just being watchful and mindful and ensure that she doesn't have access to things that are truly important to you. Good luck. I see me in your position 20+ years down the road with my nephews, their dad has an awful lot of guilt that is going to end up hurting them.

My brother nearly broke up my parents marriage by stealing from them, doing drugs, and having Mom bail him out. It took him getting arrested before he woke up, and he is now getting into the air force.

 

[redhen]

Look, the bottom line here IS..the girls a thief..(grit KNOWS when something is missing in her own house..)..
thats the bottom line...dosent matter WHOS daughter she is...shes a stinkin, sneaky thief...and gritsar is being WAY nicer than i would be in the situation. She wouldnt be allowed in my house. Period. I wont baby a thief just because its my husbands child..or EVEN if it was my OWN child. They would not be allowed in my house. And they would KNOW it was brought on by THEIR behavior. Rememebr folks..this 'child' is an ADULT with a child of her own.... *god!, Dont EVEN get me started on how shes raising her kid.. I may vomit..*