I think my stepdaughter is stealing from us

[gritsar]

Quote:
Oh you haven't heard the best part. I'll have to PM you.

And you're right. I wouldn't tolerate it from my own kids. It's all about respect and this kid don't have any.

 

[Paraclete 2]

What a horrible situation: To have to watch a thief in my own home, to have to lock up everything in my own home. Are you kidding me. Expose the spoiled brat and remove her from the welcome list permanently. If you can't talk to your husband and get support from him when it comes to his kid, then I'm not sure I wouldn't remove both of them. I went through this with my daughter stealing my wifes jewlery and guess who's gone??? Not my wife thats for sure. I am a retired deputy sheriff and pastor of a local church. A disrespectful thief is just that no matter whose child they may be and the law as is the Lord!!! No respector of persons. Paraclete 2

 

[debilorrah]

Ken comes before any of our kids, and I come before any of them also.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

While I do agree that children come before a new spouse I think that it does have it's limits. Minor children that need support and raising do come before a second spouse who can take care of themselves. But when the child is lying and stealing it's a behavior and discipline issue. When it's an adult child who's lying and stealing it's a whole different ball game. When they are stealing they are stealing both the step parent and the parent since they are stealing from their home. Grab a bar of soap (as long as it's not my last) or a meal on occasion no biggie. Hands in the change jar without asking is a big no no. But I'm sure that you all would agree that if your spouses adult child who was a thief got seriously hurt in an accident you could handle letting your spouse help care for them if needed (in the adult child's home of course).

I just think that if the roles were reversed and the new spouse was the cause of a problem it would be a whole different story. In grits case the kid is a slob and if she can prove she is stealing then more power to her. It's not always a who comes first situation. It's the problem causer that doesn't come first.

 

[PurpleChicken]

I'm sort of confused by the "who comes first thing". Doesn't it depend on who is in the right or who is doing something wrong. If my SO mistreated my child then the child would come first. If the child mistreated the SO than the SO would come first.

 

[kees]

Perhaps you'd consider counseling with your DH with the goal of presenting his daughter with a united front.

Suzy

 

[AndreaGS]

PurpleChicken has the right of it!

I'd be setting up some entrapment for sure, so DH couldn't deny the evidence. Taking things without asking is a BIG no-no in our household, and your DH isn't doing her any favors by letting her think she can get away with this behavior.

 

[FireTigeris]

You could mention at next diner (Give DH heads up what the topic of dinner is!) that you've noticed things missing and now there is security system/surveillance set up so you can send this person/people 'where they belong' (do not specify) - and while we are talking about it THESE are the rules for 'borrowing' so that nobody accidentally gets into trouble.


For surveillance you could use a hidden wildlife cam or something, or a nanny cam.

 

[gritsar]

I started this thread to ask for strategies on dealing with this type of situation and I appreciate each and every strategy offered.
To me, it's not a question of who is right and who is wrong. A thief is wrong. I don't care if that thief is my DD, his DD, the pope or some stranger off the streets.
I took both of his DDs shopping with me on Tuesday and I bought them anything that thought they needed; those little things you always remember needing when you're in the grocery store - lip gloss, deodarant, etc. All they had to do was ask and it was bought for them gladly. You see, I really do love his girls not only as their own persons, but as part of the man that as far as I'm concerned hung the moon.
Love or not, I won't tolerate deceit and stealing.
What boggles my mind is the opinions that if I should be so bold as to recognize a problem for what it is, my DH should just walk out on me. Have I been away from the ebb and flow of a busy society for too long? Is that how things are done nowadays? Does everybody keep a divorce lawyer on retainer?
My DH is a man that doesn't take commitment lightly. Because this is a family friendly forum I can't mention all his ex put him through before he walked out on their 28 year marriage. Even after he left he continued to support her for almost two years before seeking a divorce and he left her well off, trust me. For my own part, I didn't walk out on my 17 year marriage until after my spouse beat me just a few days after I had a heart catherization. The beatings I'd grown used to, but that was too much. My now DH and I were together for 5 1/2 years before we were married. We don't take commitment lightly.
For those who think blood is thicker than water, keep on believing that and keep your fingers crossed that your kids pick a nice nursing home for you. His girls couldn't wait to get away from this area as soon as they graduated high school. The only reason the one is back now is because she found out she couldn't afford to live on her own and party non-stop too. What makes anyone think they would come running back to care for their dad if I wasn't around? They have their own lives.
For the first six months after their dad left their mom, neither of his daughters called him ONE TIME. When they did call it was planned, one called one day, the other the next. They both were inquiring about their inheritences and asking if they could have them early. The one wanted to buy a car with hers, the other wanted to go back to school. The one blew all her money and now can't make her car payments. The other never did go back to school. Her money is gone too.

My DH and I talked about this and have come up with some strategies for dealing with it. He will no longer be giving them cash. If they need something, a necessity like a Rx or groceries, then we will buy it. When DSD#2 comes to visit, the computers will be shut down. Without them being on for her to cruise the internet, she'll have no reason to be in the office. At all times, she will be in the company of one of us. We've even worked out a strategy involving the TV remote control. DSD has this annoying habit of walking in, grabbing the TV remote and even if we happen to be in the middle of watching a program, she turns the channel to the sci-fi channel and sits and stares at it all night long. Now the minute we hear her driving up the road, the remote is hidden. Being too lazy to get up and change the channels on the TV set, she has to watch what we want to watch or sit and stare at the walls. Her choice.

However this plays out, it will be my DH and I working together towards a solution. Neither of us is going anywhere.

 

[deb1]

Quote:
I agree with this.