I WAS A GREAT EXAMPLE of what NOT to do.what went wrong?LONG LONG

[okiechick57]

OKay..................so..........I have lived what some may call a hardknock life

............due to my own and others stubborn rebellious attitudes

, I am fully aware of that.

.........BUT, what I am clueless to is this.......

.. okay........ I am confused...my parents lived a fine and good example in front of their 9 children.

........and ,.............well.......some of us didnt do to well even with that fine and good example

..... go figure......I was/am one of those

and I have finally learned.......praise God !..............
WHY do kids not see our lessons learned.........ever?why oh why must we watch our children walk the hardknock life........I lived the example of what NOT to do ..............why are they copying my life now? I just dont get it..........I certainly did NOT copy my own parents life......I would have NOTHING to do with THEIR way...I did it MY way..............but my kids...well.....they seem to be doing it MY way? I just, simply, do not understand.......why do they do as I did. , not as I said...........I did what my parents didnt do....not as they said? Is this makin sense to anyone ........
I am hurting,lost,confused.angry.sad,lost,confused,
Do us parents EVER know right?do right?set a fine example?trust what example we are setting? I am proof,although parents can live and speak and pray right...kids will be kids...I know that.........so why is it so blasted hard to watch ones own children live wrong?lost?different?same? why oh why is this so hard on our hearts....
I for one........ am so sorry I caused my parents so many tears,aches, and pains....so many times they must have felt as I do tonight.......... what did we do so wrong?
As I type this I do realize there is no answer to this question/ or there is a million answers.......I just needed somewhere to vent...........

 

[silkiechicken]

We are all human and that is that. Some people take longer to learn and some just want to do it themselves. I didn't grow up like my parents and they didn't really grow up like theirs. It's not just what you do but largely the people they hang out with. Many kids get sucked into the world of their peers who have other ideas which you can see as not so good from a more experienced stand point.

I cause my parents greif all the time, but even if they tell me something... I think about it and if I was going to do it, do it anyways fully accepting the consequences. Granted, I am rather tame compared to the peers I grew up with so.... hard to say. Gotta play it by ear.

Doubt there is one right way or even 100 right ways to do something, as no two people will take the exact same circumstances the same way. Just try your best and by recognizing that they don't listen or do listen, it shows you at least care... They may never say it but I'm sure they care back too.

 

[chicks rule]

Okie, I soooo totally understand exactly what you just said, unfortunately, Kids will be Kids!!! We just have to love them and offer our advice, whether they take it or leave it is all up to them. I know it is hard to watch and see the mistakes they are headed for, but, they have to make them. We have to be there for them when they finally figure it out, Make sense?????

 

[Dixiedoodle]

Sounds like you need

. Remember THEY must make THEIR own mistakes--JUST as we did. And just as you did --they will find their own way... Hugs for all concerned..Dixie

 

[d.k]

* It's not you-- kids, especially boys, have UPFC 'disease'. Under Developed Pre-Frontal Cortex 'disease'. Before our younger members have a hissy, this is not my opinion-- it is scientific fact. The Pre-Frontal Cortex is the part responsible for judgement & decision-making. It is erratic in it's development, thanks in part to hormones, until about age 26!!! Learning this when my sons were about 15 & 16 made my life so much easier somehow-- cause I Knew a big part of the problem was right behind the forehead that I so wanted to smack sometimes!!!

 

[airmom1c05]

I'm on the same page. All I know is you will always love them even when you don't love what they do all the time. We can't get up in them and make choices for them. I still struggle with that, but with God I am learning to let go and let God. I pray for mine all the time but ultimately I trust God no matter the outcome.....even my son's death which has been my greatest fear. My Sunday school teacher is always saying, "God doesn't make mistakes." I think of that often these days. Also, this quote is helping me put my worry in God's hands and out of my system: "Don't tell God how big your problems are; tell your problems how big your God is!" All the worrying and tears mothers spend on their children don't go unnoticed by God. They also don't change our children. It's a mother thing. When I reach the part in the Lord's prayer, "Thy will be done", I struggle because I have to admit it's easier to pray for my will to be done. You know, rivers and oceans could be named after all mothers' tears. There is Scripture that tells us that our love for spouse, mother, father, best friend, and even our kids should seem as hate compared to our love of the Lord. IMAGINE! My brain knows the answers, but my heart doesn't always comply. I can hardly wrap my mind around the simplistic complexities of what I believe to be the ultimate truth of God's Word. We see through a glass darkly now, but in heaven we will see clearly. Pray when you weep and stress over your children. I'll pray for you and them, too. God bless you!

 

[beefy]

Quote:
maybe, in their eyes, mom didnt turn out so bad after all?

in reality, far more learning occurs from experience than from example.

ive come to the conclusion that life pretty much boils down to trial and error.

it seems some people are dealt lemons. some complain about the injustice of it all and how sour the lemon is (me). others make lemonade. still others use the lemons to stuff their bra. so whats its gonna be?

 

[okiechick57]

Airmom..............thank you so much..........especially for this part.......

Don't tell God how big your problems are; tell your problems how big your God is

!" it really touched my aching heart tonight...........
thank you everyone for your encouragement......I do know how great God is...........how I must learn to rest in HIM......its just so painfull to watch them have to make their own mistakes

 

[CarlaRiggs]

Let me tell you what I think I did right.

I also came from a bit of a hard knock life.... my Mother died when I was 13, and I left home a year later to live with my grandparents. I believe these little things are important to a parent/child relationship.

1. Lots of physical affection. Hugs, kisses, and friendly connections.
2. Lots of time spent playing games, interacting, talking in a friendly way with one's kids.
3. Tell your kids you love them, often. Not "I love you, but...." and then proceed to tell them what they've done wrong. Rather, just "I love you." or "I'm so glad you're my child." or "I can't imagine not having you in our family". And then smile at your child.
4. Help your child. If he's having trouble getting out the trash, help him with it, talking like friends. If her room is a mess, bring in a Beach Boys (or whatever) CD and help clean it up.
5. Buy a little present sometimes so that your child knows you're thinking about him/her. Bubble bath, a magazine, chocolate bar.
6. Spend time *teaching* your child what your beliefs are; kids don't learn through osmosis. You've got to discuss things in a friendly way. And listen to their ideas, also. YOU DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE RIGHT!
7. Don't ever hold back your love or affection and acceptance. If the child doesn't get it from you, he/she will get it somewhere else.
This is the way we bind our children to us.

Remember that your child is just that.... a child. Don't say mean things EVER. Say you're sorry when it should be said.

I have nine children, and though I'm prematurely grey

, I can honestly say they are tremendous people. We are all friends and enjoy each others' company. My husband and children are *family*. And my family is my most cherished thing to me.

 

[okiechick57]

Quote:
Carla.......the things you mention..........are the things I strived to do in my kids life..............they were not the things I grew up with as a child....so I made a point of doing them with my own children..............but it seems so hard for me , just today, to see those things as things done well.......I tried so hard to give my children the things which I never had....or felt or saw.............. sometimes it seems so hard to see the good we have done......I am proud to say I spent many hours focusing on love.......holding, playing.forgiving......... but my children are mostly grown now....making their won adult decisions......... and making some really really bad decisions....... just hurting tonight.and when hurting we tend to focus on OUR own failings......thanks for sharing and reminding meof the things I DID do right