I'm being mean, ain't I? (Sorry, long)

[Wifezilla]

I would have replied and said "Sorry. Your dad and I have plans. Let's try again ___________ (and give a day a month or so out

)"
Ignoring the text and shutting off the phone? Come on. You are supposed to be the grownup here.

 

[GaNewChick]

DH is very non-confrontational though, and although he'll say something to them he rarely follows through.

IMO ~ this isn't about the lack of acknowledegment for the gifts, nor the dog pooping in the house. It goes back years and is much deeper. Personally, I would have told him immediately about the text ... either he tells them no himself, or they come visit. When he's had enough, he will confront them about their lack of respect for him, you, and your home.

By you telling them no instead of him ~ it only reaffirms that you are the bad guy for telling them no, therefore contributing to the lack of respect for you both. It needs to come from him.

I do not mean this in any way ugly ~ but the problem is not the girls. They are acting this way because they are allowed to.​

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
I know! I know!

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

I've read one of the three pages. Offer a compromise...suggest meeting for dinner somewher in between your homes for dinner on Sunday evening. Can be as simple as pizza, or as formal as you want. You get couples time, the house does not get trashed, but he still gets" dad" time.

 

[gritsar]

Thanks y'all for the support and the ideas.

 

[redhen]

Gritty..
You're in a tough situation...
They ARE taking advantage of you and your house.
They are not young children... they DO know better... they just DONT care how disrespectful they are. Period.

I've told you how i'd handle them.... and i wouldnt be nice about it either.
NO way, i'd tolerate disrespect from ANYONE in my house. Dont care if its DH's kids or not.
Again... they KNOW better... they KNOW what they are doing. They KNOW what bothers YOU... Trust me..
Its time to be the wicked stepmother.... Which i KNOW is hard for you to do cause you're too nice and good natured.

Want me to come visit?.... i'd have a little talk with them girlies for you.

... (cause i'm not nice or good natured.. )..

 

[Carols Clucks]

Quote:
I was going to suggest something similar.

But what I would do is tell hubby about the text, and reply with something like:

"We would love to see you, we have a broken water line and need help digging. Bring shovels and make hotel reservations-no water here now"

If they come you can have them dig something for you and still go to dinner some where.

Guessing they will be too sick to make it.

 

[unionwirewoman]

Maybe you and I could start an "Evil Stepmothers club " . My husband is the same way , he ignores the problems and tends to "not hear" the conversations and "not see" the actions his kids do or say when they are around . I do have to say his daughter at least , after years of spending weekends/weeks up here while he's been gone , has started to grow up a little . His son ( almost 22) dropped out of school , has no drivers liscence , and was fired from his first job after 2 weeks because he was "sick and his friend didn't call the employer to let them know he wouldn't be in for a couple of days . He lives with his mother ...no bills to be paid...in fact she gives him $200 a month . My husband has been out of state for almost 8 months . He did come back for Christmas and had to almost beg his son to come spend time with him. I didn't want my stepson there . He's a druggie , and only comes around when he thinks he's going to get something from someone . My stepson opened his gifts , and like yours , there was no thank you . He did however pocket the money ( which I told my husband not to give him because all he does is spend it on drugs and alcohol...this being told to me by his mother that he lives with and his sister ) .

Long story kinda short...if your hubby is anything like mine , then yes , you need to be the evil stepmother . It's hurting your hubby just as much ( if not more ) by having them around . My advice...COMMUNICATION . You need to tell hubby about everything that goes on...you don't want to risk losing him over something so stupid . Convince him that he NEEDS to start setting rules , or he's gonna have one unhappy wife . It takes time...but I can see after 4 yrs that my hubby is finally understanding that I'm trying to help him , our relationship , and his relationship with his kids . Don't ever be affraid to tell your hubby how you might react to certain situations his kids put you in , but also try to be aware and listen to his side of the story . I've noticed since I've been more strict , and setting more rules that my stepkids respect ( well more than they did ) my house and my rules . I don't care what age they are....you still have to respect your elders and other peoples property . Hang in there girl......stick by what you know and what you believe !

 

[mommyofthreewithchicks]

Quote:
I second this....

 

[Mattemma]

Atleast they asked via txt and not just show up. I would jump at the chance to txt back a strong NO DO NOT COME.
If they did come I would require a cage for the dogs too. They sound unpleasant. Hugs to you and dh.

I would make a list of the things you find unacceptable and give it to them.If they do things on the list(or similar) that would result in being asked to leave and not returning for ...who knows how long. Act likeirresponsible kids means being punished like a child.

Sticky situation since it is dh's kids,and this can cause marital distress.Hopefully your spouse would give you a thumbs up to deal with the girls if he has no desire to do so. If it is not nipped in the bud this is what you get to look forward to for the rest of your lives.

I hope I have the strength to deal with my own kids if this comes up.So far I have only had to do tough love with my brother.