I'm being mean, ain't I? (Sorry, long)

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by gritsar, Jan 14, 2011.

  1. gritsar

    gritsar Cows, Chooks & Impys - OH MY!

    28,907
    119
    408
    Nov 9, 2007
    SW Arkansas
    Well, my eldest stepdaughter (w/her son) came home from NM last weekend. For how long is anybodys guess. One day she says she's leaving her husband, the next day she says she's only home for a visit.

    She got here Friday night, went straight to her mom's house, finally made it up here on Sunday. She brought her younger sister up here with her. Younger sister is sick with a cold (as usual!), so of course she wanted to share that; despite how many times I have talked to her about her dads comprimised immune system. We haven't seen the younger one - for simplicitys sake, I'll call her #2 - in months. She didn't call her dad for his birthday, Christmas or New Years. She didn't make the effort to see him, despite the fact that he works in the same town she lives in.

    When they got here I gave #2 her Christmas presents. I had spent about $75 total on her, a variety of goats milk soaps and a pair of earrings I made her. The earrings were her style. We also put $20 in a tiny little stocking for her. She said not a word about the gifts, not so much as a thank you. She set them aside and quickly pocketed the 20 bucks.

    They stayed all Sunday and overnight. #1's dog was allowed to run freely in the house, pooping where he wanted, despite both her dad and I telling her multiple times that he is to stay confined to the kitchen. He's a chihuahua, about a year and a half old, not housebroken. Every time we turned around the dog was loose in the house again. The 4 1/2 year old GS was allowed to do as he pleased. Special meals were prepared for the child because he won't eat the wholesome food I prepare. They ate, didn't clean up after themselves and #2 managed to somehow go through a 12 pack of the rarely kept in the house sodas.

    As soon as their dad left for work on Monday, they left. Without a word. I picked up my house, searched and removed 3 piles of dog poo, cleaned dog pee off of two appliances and the cat's scratching post. Things returned to normal.

    We haven't heard a word from the girls since then. Late last night I get a text message from #1. "We want to come up and stay with you this weekend if that's okay".

    I'm sorry, but it's most definitely NOT okay. My DH is off weekends at the present time. We have things to do that we didn't get accomplished last weekend due to their visit. I want some time alone with my DH. His work schedule doesn't leave much room for couples time and I miss him so much when he's working.

    I ignored her text, shut my cell phone off and haven't turned it back on since. I didn't mention the text to DH, but I did make it clear that I want, no NEED, some couples time.

    I feel like I'm being mean; no, there's a word for what I feel like I'm being, but I can't use it on a family friendly forum.

    What else can I do? I feel like a carpet that's been tread on way too much. [​IMG]
     
  2. EmtheFishLady

    EmtheFishLady We're all mad here Premium Member

    9,149
    65
    306
    Jan 13, 2011
    Glen, MS
    Ugh, that sounds like such a tricky situation! I'm sorry! [​IMG]

    Personally I think you're being completely rational. Maybe compromise is your husband wants to see them this weekend and let them visit (without the dog) and not stay?
     
  3. sourland

    sourland Broody Magician Premium Member

    65,129
    13,018
    786
    May 3, 2009
    New Jersey
    No, you're not being mean, and you're not being the "b" word either. Sorry if I am judgemental but self serving ungrateful guests who do not abide by the house rules are not invited back around here. I dread the day my SIL (who sounds like these two girls) follows through on her threats and leaves her husband. I told my wife that if the SIL moves in, I move out. Your house, your rules, guests by your invitation. "You are busy this weekend. You and your husband have projects to complete and can not play host and hostess." That's my reason for you and I am sticking to it. [​IMG]
     
  4. jbowyer01

    jbowyer01 Just Me!

    Aug 29, 2008
    Hogansville, Georgia
    Awww Grit your not being mean, selfish or anything else. You need to let them know they need to give you at least a weeks notice before coming for visits because of other obligations. If they cant handle that then [​IMG]: They can know they are loved with discipline! Heres a ((HUG)).
     
  5. emmalynn

    emmalynn Silkies Sebbies OEGBs

    Oct 16, 2008
    Middle TN
    Totally agree unless you like being treated like carpet. I am not anyone's door mat and you shouldn't be either. Just putting up with a dog clean-up should give you justification for "not this weekend", if nothing else.
     
  6. cafarmgirl

    cafarmgirl Overrun With Chickens

    Oh heaven's no your not being mean! Just the fact that you made it thru that visit without blowing a gasket has me amazed at your patience! [​IMG] I would have flipped out well before the end of the first day just over the dogs peeing and pooping all over the place.

    I would be completely clear with her about what was wrong with the last visit so there is no confusion what so ever and add that this weekend is out of the question as you are still working on getting the house cleaned up and other things done from the last visit. I would even suggest that perhaps she can find a nearby motel to stay in that allows dog crap on the floors because you don't at your house!

    I could go on but I'll stop because in these type of situations I really am a mean person! [​IMG]
     
  7. speckledhen

    speckledhen Intentional Solitude Premium Member

    Self defense, Kat, it's just self defense. I keep family at arm's length in order to keep my sanity. It's YOUR life, your call.
     
  8. PineappleMama

    PineappleMama Chillin' With My Peeps

    You are absolutely not being mean. As Speckled said, self defense. Defense isn't mean, the attack is.

    They attacked your home, you and DH's health, not to mention hurling verbal and silent insults.

    Nope, THEY are the mean ones, not you.

    I would tell DH about the text, honesty is a good portion of a good relationship after all. Besides, if he doesn't know about it then it leaves him wide open for being suckered by them... not cool. Best to nip that possible in the bud and then enjoy your brat free weekend.
     
  9. MeatKing

    MeatKing Chillin' With My Peeps

    Your not being mean at all, I would've done the same thing... except maybe tell hubby about the text?
     
  10. annie3001

    annie3001 My Girls

    Jun 11, 2009
    Ct.
    your not being mean at all. its your house, if they choose to come and visit, visit is what they should really do. they sound like they are looking for a free ride, food, money, place to stay. i wouldnt tell your dh till sunday. (by then its too late for a visit. [​IMG]) it also sounds like they dont respect your house. if someone came to my home and acted that way..[​IMG]. but you kept your cool. [​IMG]
    i am certain your dh knows how his daughters really are. sad. its there loss. as for the dog coming!! oh no!! that dog needs to stay home!! poop clean up with our chickens is plenty enough, :sickthat you need to go in your own house and clean up poop again!
    and you need that alone time for you and your hubby. [​IMG]
    best of luck.

    andrea-[​IMG]
     

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by