Let's drink Joe Bryants martini's and think this out. May take a minute.
While helping your parents out, providing housing and other essentials,
is certainly commendable, the real question is "Are you legally responsible
for your aging parents?"
The answer is probably NO. However from your post I would think that is not
the answer you are looking for. You do help them, you have helped them for
some legenth of time and you will continue to help them.
You have now had them living in your home, with your family, for the past six
years. While this is good, you and your husband need to have it understood by
your parents that you and your husband are the absolute ruler over the household,
and certainly over your three children. Your parents may not like or agree with the
way you choose to raise or discipline or even reward your children--But your parents
need to let it be your choice in the matter. Fully, without interference.
I didn't say to be cruel, or even to sound cruel. But your parents have raised their
children. These children are your children.
This would follow even to the times when your parents are in charge of the children.
YOUR rules are the rules which must be followed in your home.
Once again, I do not intend this to sound as if you are Lord and Master over your parents.
But you-and you alone-- should rule your own home. (In this case, the "you" I speak of would
be husband and wife as one.)
On the issue of the $17,000, this is something that should of been talked out before
the parents moved in. Yes, you say that you/ your husband spent a part of that money
in rehabing the basement into an apartment for the sole use as a living quarters for your
parents. And they have lived there for the past six years. I am sure that any other roof over
their heads would have cost far more than the $17,000.
No doubt that your parents have provided a service to your family in that time. As a daycare,
or perhaps lawn keeper or whatever. I don't care. Only that they have provided a service to
your family. Now they come, would like to be paid for that service. Fair enough. Pay them.
Feel free to deduct the service you/you husband have provided towards them. Food, electric,
water, newspaper...whatever. Even the remodeled rooms. Six years, 72 months divided at the
17,000 came out at $236. a month. Little light there on the rent.
I would call that $17,000 a wash. You live anywhere, six years for $17,000 sounds like a good
deal.
The fact of your parents filing bankruptcy because of issues between them and your younger
brother, I would have a problem with. Bad business on your parents behalf to give to your
brother money they theirself did not have. Do not loan what you cannot afford to lose. But
whats done is done. If your parents need their money back, the brother that squandered it
should be the person that is held to pay it back. I see no need in your paying to your parents
money that your brother spent.
Your parents recieved a value from you for their $17,000. For loaning money to the brother, they
took a loss.
On the issue that you may recieve any money someday from your husbands side of the family
is not your parents business. That matter is bewteen you and your husband.
Final thought? If your parents want to leave, let them go. Do not force them. If they want to stay,
welcome them. Let them be a wonderful part of your life. But under your rules in YOUR home.
My wifes Dad was with us two years. Good days and bad. But he knew what I would let him get
away with and what I wouldn't.
