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Is it Wrong to have a "Crush" on Someone if You Are Married?
- Thread starter Chickie Mamma
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In my opinion it's fine to have a "crush" when your married, as long as you dont act on it. If your not happy with your current husband (or wife...) then just think of the reason you married them in the first place, and both of you should @ least try to find a spark again. If they dont agree to try to help out and save the marrage.......... (My OPINION, i am by no means a counciler)
I think everyone daydreams a little about what it would be like to be a different person or be with a different person, especially on days when thinks aren't so peachy.
I think it is a matter of how serious you are taking this and how much of your time is actually spent daydreaming. I don't think I'd stress on it too much if it isn't a big part of your day, unless you are actually going to see this person and be around him. It sounds like it is more of an acquaintance? I bet this person has plenty of faults you would find just as annoying as your current man. I'm always struck by how similar women describe their husbands when they complain. Why re-train a new one if they tend to come out alike?
It might be healthier for you to try to transfer your daydreaming to a more unattainable person such as Brad Pitt or Ashton Kutcher or whomever attracts you that is a celebrity because you know that you will probably never even really meet them but they are meant to be enjoyed by us healthy women from afar.
But use the libido gained from these thoughts to spark your relationship with your hubby and try not to expect so much. While you sound a little bored...things could be much worse. You'd like him to lose some weight? Try to find something to do with him that is physical, like taking a walk, playing tennis, golf or bicycling or whatever you guys like. Don't act like it is to lose weight, try to make it fun, like walking the dog or walking to see the fall leaves, etc. Try a couple new things if you don't have a common interest...yoga? bowling? martial arts? dance classes? boating? hiking? swimming? But not gym class, jogging or weight lifting, if you get my drift. My brother took up dancing in his 50s, discovered he loved it, and has lost about 35 pounds. But because he LOVES to go exercise three to four nights a week. That way your husband's weight loss would tend to be more permanent. Also, try to cook low calerie meals without him thinking he is on a diet.
Those are my ideas to help. I have been married 28 years and while things are not perfect. the have pretty much gotten better and these are some of the things I found worked. But my husband knows I daydream and he knows I do, and we are both fine with it because we know it is not serious. He knows I find Brad Pitt sexy and I know he thinks he could change Jodie Foster from being gay.
Silly man.
I think it is a matter of how serious you are taking this and how much of your time is actually spent daydreaming. I don't think I'd stress on it too much if it isn't a big part of your day, unless you are actually going to see this person and be around him. It sounds like it is more of an acquaintance? I bet this person has plenty of faults you would find just as annoying as your current man. I'm always struck by how similar women describe their husbands when they complain. Why re-train a new one if they tend to come out alike?
It might be healthier for you to try to transfer your daydreaming to a more unattainable person such as Brad Pitt or Ashton Kutcher or whomever attracts you that is a celebrity because you know that you will probably never even really meet them but they are meant to be enjoyed by us healthy women from afar.
But use the libido gained from these thoughts to spark your relationship with your hubby and try not to expect so much. While you sound a little bored...things could be much worse. You'd like him to lose some weight? Try to find something to do with him that is physical, like taking a walk, playing tennis, golf or bicycling or whatever you guys like. Don't act like it is to lose weight, try to make it fun, like walking the dog or walking to see the fall leaves, etc. Try a couple new things if you don't have a common interest...yoga? bowling? martial arts? dance classes? boating? hiking? swimming? But not gym class, jogging or weight lifting, if you get my drift. My brother took up dancing in his 50s, discovered he loved it, and has lost about 35 pounds. But because he LOVES to go exercise three to four nights a week. That way your husband's weight loss would tend to be more permanent. Also, try to cook low calerie meals without him thinking he is on a diet.
Those are my ideas to help. I have been married 28 years and while things are not perfect. the have pretty much gotten better and these are some of the things I found worked. But my husband knows I daydream and he knows I do, and we are both fine with it because we know it is not serious. He knows I find Brad Pitt sexy and I know he thinks he could change Jodie Foster from being gay.
Silly man.
Ok, I have to wade in.. Until I met my wife Kelly, I was the most un-monogamous type person ever. I had many loves and a girlfriend for every day of the week. I figured I was one of those folks who either had too much love for any one person or no one captured my heart 100%.
Guess what happened? Cupid shot me..... In the buttsky as it turns out
The day I sat down with Kelly and told her how I felt, I realized it wasn't a cheesy line. I really loved her. It was a new feeling for me. I had my monday girl ready for me to pick her up and Kelly was still with me. I called monday right then and broke it off. I did the same with tuesday through sunday. Kelly never spoke till I was completely done. She asked me what my intentions were, as I just showed her the blackest part of my soul I'd never thought anybody could understand or accept.
Told her I loved her, wanted to marry her and give her lots of happy children.
It's been 7 years or so.
Now........ Every once in a while the old part of me jumps up. I know deep down it isn't a true crush, more a flight of fancy if you will. I've had a so called "work wife" without benefits... a separate female companion I could talk about work without her falling asleep etc. The weird thing is my wife and work wife became friends. It really sucked. Both of them would nag me, at home and work.. Did you take your blood pressure meds? Don't eat that, too much sodium.. Don't get all worked up, you can fire him tommorow when you aren't going to stroke out.. I don't care if Ryder doesn't have any trucks; don't keep puling and whining...
No rest for the wicked eh?
In the end.. My wife Kelly is both my mate and my best friend. I don't connect with folks in general. Personality flaw I suppose; Either folks like me or hate me... no inbetween ground. I guess I'm fine with that.
So that's my complicated answer to a very simple question.. Its sorta kinda maybe... but depends...... And I promise you, that isn't a cop out.
Guess what happened? Cupid shot me..... In the buttsky as it turns out
The day I sat down with Kelly and told her how I felt, I realized it wasn't a cheesy line. I really loved her. It was a new feeling for me. I had my monday girl ready for me to pick her up and Kelly was still with me. I called monday right then and broke it off. I did the same with tuesday through sunday. Kelly never spoke till I was completely done. She asked me what my intentions were, as I just showed her the blackest part of my soul I'd never thought anybody could understand or accept.
Told her I loved her, wanted to marry her and give her lots of happy children.
It's been 7 years or so.
Now........ Every once in a while the old part of me jumps up. I know deep down it isn't a true crush, more a flight of fancy if you will. I've had a so called "work wife" without benefits... a separate female companion I could talk about work without her falling asleep etc. The weird thing is my wife and work wife became friends. It really sucked. Both of them would nag me, at home and work.. Did you take your blood pressure meds? Don't eat that, too much sodium.. Don't get all worked up, you can fire him tommorow when you aren't going to stroke out.. I don't care if Ryder doesn't have any trucks; don't keep puling and whining...
No rest for the wicked eh?
In the end.. My wife Kelly is both my mate and my best friend. I don't connect with folks in general. Personality flaw I suppose; Either folks like me or hate me... no inbetween ground. I guess I'm fine with that.
So that's my complicated answer to a very simple question.. Its sorta kinda maybe... but depends...... And I promise you, that isn't a cop out.
- Thread starter
- #85
Quote:
I was dreaming about you all night!
You sure the dream was about me, or my hammock art?
I do recall a hammock
I was dreaming about you all night!
You sure the dream was about me, or my hammock art?
I do recall a hammock
- Thread starter
- #86
Quote:
Ignore Joe his wife will be along shortly to beat him! LOL
Ignore Joe his wife will be along shortly to beat him! LOL
- Thread starter
- #87
Quote:
Aw.. Nat... I love ya to pieces too! I hear what you are saying. Its a horrible feeling to feel like this, I have never strayed, emotionally or physically. I just always feel I am the only one that tries to keep all this together. I am going to continue to try, and hopefully these feelings will pass for this other person. I would never approach him with anything. I wouldn't want to put him in a difficult situation. It wouldn't be fair. I think we all have some fantasies from time to time, but I feel I think about it too much. We have been through so much over the years and we have finally made time for each other. On Wednesday nights, we are on a bowling league. Its the only thing we have in common. I like to fish, he likes fantasy baseball. We give each other space to do the things we like to do, but never spent enough time together. I thought that would have changed. I guess I always felt, no one else would want me because I was heavy. Now I feel confident and I am getting noticed etc. and I like it. Maybe the higher self esteem is making me feel like maybe someone else would want me now. Ahhh, it is just so complicated.
Aw.. Nat... I love ya to pieces too! I hear what you are saying. Its a horrible feeling to feel like this, I have never strayed, emotionally or physically. I just always feel I am the only one that tries to keep all this together. I am going to continue to try, and hopefully these feelings will pass for this other person. I would never approach him with anything. I wouldn't want to put him in a difficult situation. It wouldn't be fair. I think we all have some fantasies from time to time, but I feel I think about it too much. We have been through so much over the years and we have finally made time for each other. On Wednesday nights, we are on a bowling league. Its the only thing we have in common. I like to fish, he likes fantasy baseball. We give each other space to do the things we like to do, but never spent enough time together. I thought that would have changed. I guess I always felt, no one else would want me because I was heavy. Now I feel confident and I am getting noticed etc. and I like it. Maybe the higher self esteem is making me feel like maybe someone else would want me now. Ahhh, it is just so complicated.
PLease dont slam me but my Gramaw always said if you sin in your mind its just as bad to God as actually doing it. The grass is never greener on the other side ,your crush surely has many faults that you would never see until he felt comfortable with you. (Of course by then it would be too late.) That being said I will admit to having crushes and it has not made me happy-ever.only more disatisfied with an already sad situation.
PLease dont slam me but my Gramaw always said if you sin in your mind its just as bad to God as actually doing it. The grass is never greener on the other side ,your crush surely has many faults that you would never see until he felt comfortable with you. (Of course by then it would be too late.) That being said I will admit to having crushes and it has not made me happy-ever.only more disatisfied with an already sad situation.
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