Is it Wrong to have a "Crush" on Someone if You Are Married?

[Chickie Mamma]

Quote:
Thanks so much for the input! I was similar to you too before getting married.. My family actually called it my "flavor of the month"..

I knew he was the one from when we first dated, we broke up for a couple months and when we got back together, he proposed shortly after. We couldn't live apart. I know things do change, children, houses, money etc. I guess we allowed all that to come in between us. We have also become very nit-picky and that has to do with stress. I feel like I am just a "mate" and have no best friend

 

[Chickie Mamma]

Quote:
I am a fan

 

[Chickie Mamma]

Quote:
I wish I could ignite a fire under his butt to get some excercise. I guess his weight gain is putting a bit of a strain on us physically. I would never leave for this reason. Its the unwillingness to try that gets me, especially when I have worked so hard to make myself more pleasing to look at. I believe if a marriage IS perfect, it will get boring to some degree. I do not think about this person all the time, but enough for it to be a concern to me. Yes, he is pretty much an aquaintence and I do not see him often, so I can avoid any contact, and will. Thanks

 

[PineappleMama]

The simple answer is no... there's nothing wrong with thinking someone else is attractive (either physically or mentally)... any more than it's bad to think your neighbor's lawn looks nicer than yours or you wish you'd ordered what the person at the next table did...

The distinction comes with action. If you go after the crush, salt your neighbor's lawn, or steal someone else's plate THEN you've got a problem... but just thinking... I see nothing wrong with that at all... you can stop the thought AFTER it enters your head I suppose, but stopping it from popping in isn't all that easy to do. Thus I figure stick to controlling your actions.

But there's plenty of folks who believe even wishing your lawn was as crabgrass-free as your neighbors is a sin... this is just one woman's opinion.

I do agree with the others though, DH may not have a clue anything is wrong... I'm oblivious myself sometimes... don't realize I've hurt myself until I feel the bruise/see the blood... so if I can miss something obvious like that, attached to my own nerve endings, then why should I expect everyone around me to notice the internal stuff?? I'm not psychic and it isn't fair for me to expect anyone else to be. If something is really a problem for me, and I believe anything can be done about it, then I'll speak up. If there's nothing can be done (ala snoring when out cold, how can I blame DH for that?) then I keep my unflattering comments to myself. And my DH does the same... goof waiting near a decade to inform me that I snore... "a little girly snore" but still... it was a manners thing, and he didn't want to hurt my feelings on something I couldn't help. But when my cranky PMS (after DS was born) was driving him nuts he finally spoke up... and it helped... I started paying attention to my moods and the actions they were causing and made positive changes. But likely I'd have kept on being snarky if he hadn't had the cojones to speak up.

So... give the guy a chance. He's still the same guy you married... and there must have been reasons you married him... so give him a chance to break out the Tarn-X before you break out the Tar & Feathers.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
Yes, life is too short to be unhappy! My kids have no clue that anything is wrong.. (I've become a great actress) we never argue in front of them etc.. I am not good with change and fear ever leaving. AlI ever thought about were him and my kids.. now at 36 I want to get my nails and hair done every so often, and buy some clothes (now that I've lost over 20 pounds since May). I never minded being a stay at home mom, sacrificing for almost 10 years. But I need some pampering from time to time. I get no attention

My mom still will give me money for clothes, etc. I am not a materialistic person, never will be. But there is a point in someones life that they want to feel "special".

You need to talk to him about how you feel.. be serious and be firm and MEAN WHAT YOU SAY.
If he wont budge or make an effort.. then i would leave. No way that i would be unhappy in my marriage..
lifes waaaay to short... and it takes 2 to make a marriage... if he wont meet you half way... then let someone else do it.

 

[Chickie Mamma]

Quote:
This is what I thought exactly.. thinking about him would be ok, but acting on it would be a no no. The sad thing is.. he knows whats wrong and how I feel, and he won't change back to the man I married.

 

[Sir Birdaholic]

Quote:
I am a fan

Aw, shucks. Thanks, but it looks to me like YOU have the fan club.

 

[Chickie Mamma]

Quote:
Yes, life is too short to be unhappy! My kids have no clue that anything is wrong.. (I've become a great actress) we never argue in front of them etc.. I am not good with change and fear ever leaving. AlI ever thought about were him and my kids.. now at 36 I want to get my nails and hair done every so often, and buy some clothes (now that I've lost over 20 pounds since May). I never minded being a stay at home mom, sacrificing for almost 10 years. But I need some pampering from time to time. I get no attention

My mom still will give me money for clothes, etc. I am not a materialistic person, never will be. But there is a point in someones life that they want to feel "special".

You need to talk to him about how you feel.. be serious and be firm and MEAN WHAT YOU SAY.
If he wont budge or make an effort.. then i would leave. No way that i would be unhappy in my marriage..
lifes waaaay to short... and it takes 2 to make a marriage... if he wont meet you half way... then let someone else do it.

this is how I feel often.. Life is too short to be unhappy for this long.

 

[debilorrah]

Its not only men that need a poke every now and then to remind someone what they need. Ken has recently been inviting me outside with him at night to look at the stars. Am I interested? Not really, but it is clear to me he wants that time with me, and I will willingly give it. He has also hinted about watching TV with him. I told him not if he watches those TOTALLY BORING shows about stuff I couldn't care less about!! So we watch the Smoking Gun.

 

[chickboss]

Wanna know what I love about a good crush? They make you feel sexy, and alive, and interesting, and if you happen to actually see the person (not talking about doing anything with that person) you get those great tingles all the way to your toes. And a little friend flirting never killed anyone. In a good marriage, you could turn around and take all those great feelings about yourself (cause with a crush that is what those feelings are) straight to the bedroom with your spouse. But in a bad marriage, it does tend to highlight all the problems. Which to me isn't really a bad thing at all. Just lets you know that one way or the other, it is time to do something about where things are. Even if it just means not pretending anymore that everything is ok, but accepting that it is where you are at now, and learning to really, really take care of you while you are in the "ridding it out" phase. So if you are asking about a crush, I don't see anything wrong with it. If you are asking if it is okay to make a move on a crush, that is between you and yours. Just keep in mind that the backlash could leave you (and others) hurting more than you already are.