Is There Anybody Else Here With Aspberger's Syndrome?

[annaraven]

Quote:
http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/ is a great site to check out. Also, www.wrongplanet.net which is by Aspies for Aspies (and our allies).

A book that might be helpful for adult Aspies, especially women, is Pretending to be Normal (http://amzn.com/1853027499) by Liane Holliday Willey.

 

[annaraven]

Quote:
Yes it's possible to be mildly Aspie. It's a spectrum. How is she with transitions/changes in schedule? There is a genetic aspect but it is likely to be multi-gene, so different children in the family will have it or not, at various levels. Here's the official criteria:
http://www.aspergers.com/aspcrit.htm

One thing to watch for: does she have a "special interest" that she researches/talks about/thinks about/focuses on more than anything else? Does she find it hard to tell when others are bored with her going on and on? Does she ever get nicknamed "the encyclopedia" or equivalent? Is she so tuned in to the animals that she seems to understand/identify with them more than with humans outside (or even in) the family? Does she seem unaware of body language, voice tone as important parts of communication? Does she seem to have trouble with "unwritten rules" or seem oblivious of cultural norms?

The clumsiness, and picking, are both common. She does sound like she could be on the spectrum. Girls often go undiagnosed - so keep that in mind. Some idiots, erm, I mean, "professionals" believe that if someone ever (insert here: smiles or makes eye contact or has friends...) they can't be Aspergers. Not true.

 

[chicken_china_mom]

Quote:
Yes it's possible to be mildly Aspie. It's a spectrum. How is she with transitions/changes in schedule? There is a genetic aspect but it is likely to be multi-gene, so different children in the family will have it or not, at various levels. Here's the official criteria:
http://www.aspergers.com/aspcrit.htm

One thing to watch for: Does she find it hard to tell when others are bored with her going on and on? Does she ever get nicknamed "the encyclopedia" or equivalent? Is she so tuned in to the animals that she seems to understand/identify with them more than with humans outside (or even in) the family? Does she seem unaware of body language, voice tone as important parts of communication? Does she seem to have trouble with "unwritten rules" or seem oblivious of cultural norms?

The clumsiness, and picking, are both common. She does sound like she could be on the spectrum. Girls often go undiagnosed - so keep that in mind. Some idiots, erm, I mean, "professionals" believe that if someone ever (insert here: smiles or makes eye contact or has friends...) they can't be Aspergers. Not true.

Well, several of the questions you ask do fit her, and the fit her well. The first thing that comes to my mind when you asked "does she have a "special interest" that she researches/talks about/thinks about/focuses on more than anything else?" is her obsession with the Twilight books. She has read them close to a dozen times now, she knows every character in the books, can quote lines, talks about the characters almost as though they are real people, and it drives her sister absolutely insane. Katie has read EVERY book in the series at least 10 times EACH, including the Short Second Life of Bree Tanner. It's based on a character from the series. She is ALWAYS reading. She can hardly do anything unless she has a book in her hand. And yes, she talks endlessly about the Twilight books and characters. She even names her chickens after them. She is an endless source of facts and information, but I never really thought much of it. She makes eye contact though, but on occasion it does seem hard for her to do. I feel that over the last couple of years I've lost that special connection I had with her. She used to talk a lot, but now she shuts herself away and it's like pulling teeth to get her to say anything substantial. She is more comfortable with animals than people usually. She spends a lot of time with the cats, dogs, and chickens, and she's been pestering me for a pet rat the last year. She does generally seem to be aware of body language, though her humor can be a little off, as though she's the only one in on the joke. She does not partake in other things that most kids her age would be expected to do. For instance, her younger sister (only a year younger) is boy crazy. She plasters posters all over her room of whatever actors she has a crush on at the moment, talks about the current cutest boys, watches whatever shows they are in, and just generally has boys on the brain. But my older DD, she will watch the shows, and read the teen magazines if they are purchased, but will not talk about the boys, the bands, or anything else really. She has maybe one poster up in her room and it's of Selena Gomez, and that was pretty much at her sister's insistence. Of the two girls, my older DD generally tends to be the neater of the two, though not by much, lol. I attribute that to the looming teenage years. It's like pulling teeth to get her to do her chores, all she wants to do is read. I'm not kidding when I say she sweeps, does dishes, cooks, bathes, with a book in hand. When she doesn't have a book in hand, the picking intensifies.

I read the website that widget posted earlier, and I saw some symptoms on there that kind of startled me, and without telling my mother what I was looking up, I rattled off a series of symptoms to her and asked her if they fit anyone in the house, and she pointed out several that fit my older daughter rather well, but then she kept mentioning that certain symptoms fit HER! As I thought about it, I realized that she is right! My mom is VERY anti-social. I have to force her to socialize, if I don't, she just doesn't interact with people. She prefers the company of her cats to other humans, and has a few other symptoms. She also pointed out to me that I fit quite a few symptoms too. So maybe it is genetic? I always thought I just suffered depression and OCD, but in my youth I absolutely would NOT socialize of my own accord. The only reason I have friends is because they approached me, not the other way around. I read obsessively and when a topic interests me, no matter how off topic it may be, I have to learn everything I possibly can about it, and yes, I do rattle off what I learn to the point of annoying others. As a teenager I became obsessed with reading everything I possibly could about serial killers. I don't want to say they fascinated me, but I was almost obsessed with WHY they did what they did. In grade school my two obsessions were Hitler and Abe Lincoln. I was like a walking encyclopedia about either man. I used to irritate my mother. Even now people have to tell me when I'm talking too much, cause I don't know when to shut up, and I talk a mile a minute. Oh, and I CANNOT walk barefoot on grass, dirt, and even sand makes my skin crawl. I won't enter lakes, creeks, etc. without shoes on, and my older DD is the same way about water. I also cannot have anything sticky, slimy, etc. on my hands. Ever. If I do, I have to wash my hands immediately. You should see me when I make snickerdoodles, I stop like every 3rd cookie to wash my hands and make the process much longer than it needs to be. And I love the feel of satin. I have to have blankets in my bed at all times with satin edges that I can touch, or I can't sleep. Strange? I dunno, I can remember being like that since I was a toddler. I wear that satin edge off blankets every time, and then I go buy new ones. Oh, and I'm clumsy too, and I pick too, though not to the degree my daughter does. Mine is concentrated on my fingers and facial blemishes. A pimple for someone may take a week to heal up for the average person, but they take a month, sometimes longer for me because I just cannot leave them alone. The one on my chin has been there about 6 weeks now.

When I told my mother what I was looking up, she sat for a moment, quietly, and then said "yeah, doesn't surprise me." She never had me tested for ADD as a kid, though I knew full well I had it, and gave me a lot of grief for going to the doctor when I felt sick or knew something was wrong (depression). See, when I was a kid my mother avoided taking me to the doctor unless I was like, near death. I am partially deaf in my right ear because she waited until the infection in my ear got so bad that my face swelled, my jaw locked, and I spiked a dangerously high fever, and even then she didn't take me, she had my grandmother take me. My mom doesn't go to a doctor unless she absolutely has to, and even then she doesn't want to go. In 2005 she stayed home from work one day because she wasn't feeling well. It was a very hot day and there was no air conditioning in the house. Temps that day reached 105. I was out with my kids and came back to find her in her bed under 3 quilts, shivering to the point of convulsing, saying she was freezing. I took her temp and it was like 103.7, so I told her I wanted to take her to the ER. She refused, so I called her doctor and told her doctor what was going on, and made HER convince my mother that she was sick and had to go to the hospital. I don't know what that doctor said, but she managed to convince her, and I took her to the hospital where she was diagnosed with pneumonia. She was mad at me for making her go, but she got over it once she was diagnosed. She has been to a doctor maybe twice since then. She took herself off her meds (blood pressure and diabetes, not insulin though) and refuses to take more meds. So maybe this is hereditary. I should ask my uncle on my dad's side if anyone on that side of the family has been diagnosed with autisism or aspergers. I don't know if it sounds like I fit the spectrum, or if my mother does, but I think my older DD does. I'm going to have her tested, both kids actually just to know one way or the other. Hopefully the new doctor I bring her to will be patient and understanding and listen when I describe her symptoms before he jumps to conclusions. But before I take her in, I want to do some more research so that I am armed with information. The more I read about Aspergers, the more I feel as though they are describing my family. It's eerie. Thank you for all these websites, I find them very interesting and informative. I'm going to start compiling a list of symptoms I know she fits, and those I don't believe that she does. If she is in the spectrum, she's very low on it. Thank you for helping me to understand Aspergers better.

Oh, and as for time management, I don't know that she is picky about schedules, but she has never, and I do mean NEVER been able to get to bed at a decent time. She seems to not be capable of getting to sleep before like midnight, and sleeps late in the mornings too. That's not why I pulled her out of public school though. I pulled her out because she was suffering such extreme anxiety that she was vomiting daily, before school at the thought of going, and at school. She was the target of jokes and teasing, and she is extremely sensitive. So I pulled them both out. I felt it would be better to homeschool. She still experiences high levels of anxiety when forced into situations that she is not comfortable with. When we moved out here, the first Christmas she was asked to play the Virgin Mary in the church play, and she refused and got upset at the thought of it, so her sister happily played the role. I had to convince her to play an angel that stood in the background and did nothing, and that was no easy task! The following year she refused to be in the play at all. She's refusing again this year too. Oh, and a lady from church stopped by today and gave me 3 books for my DD, and my DD has already read 2 of them...

 

[annaraven]

Yep - sounds like ya'll belong in my family! Welcome to the clan.

Glad you're checking out the sites I mentioned. You'll feel right at home. BTW - it's pretty common for moms to get diagnosed *after* their kids. Also, Aspergers wasn't even *started* being diagnosed until the mid-90s, so it's not surprising if your family members haven't been diagnosed.

My daughter is neurotypical, but my son is definitely Aspie, and so am I. Keep in mind that one can be very "high"functioning in one area and "low" functioning in another - it's not an either/or thing. Your daughter's discomfort with unfamiliar situations, for example, is very Aspie. Don't get too hung up on "mild" or "low/high" distinctions - they're less useful than just understanding the different aspects of how it works for you and for your daughter.

 

[chicken_china_mom]

Quote:
I thought we might. Makes me wonder if my other daughter is too. I'm still going to go about getting the entire family tested, including mom, provided I can convince her to get tested for it. I'm going to continue researching it though. I do appreciate the websites. I'm going to start that list to bring to the doctor very soon. We're waiting for the new insurance cards to arrive right now. I'm hoping the doctor can recommend ways to help her concentrate better in school and in her day to day activities, and ways to better help her socialize. I don't want her to shut everyone out to the point where she's all alone. My mother tries that too, and I don't let her. How do you socialize your kids? My older DD doesn't want to join any sports teams, she fights me when I make her do 4-H activities, and doesn't socialize with the other kids. I want to socialize her in ways that don't bring her unneeded stress, but I'm not sure how to go about doing that exactly. I have LOTS more research ahead of me. I'm interested to hear what the doctor has to say.

 

[Widget]

Speaking for myself I really don't like it when I am forced to do something. Especially if it is too far out of my comfort zone. If it is done slowly without much fanfare I can usually adapt. But if I am pushed and pushed forget it. I will shut down and hate every moment of it. And I'm an adult.
If it is something I am interested in it still has to be done slowly. I need to know exactly what is expected of me before I will try almost everything. Even so the first time I do something is extremely stressful. It can be as simple as which door do I go in or where should I park.
For the past few months at work I have been skipping the morning break. It is a paid break and is just a perk we have. But by doing so I've been able to get more work done. My crew is short handed and every minute counts. I am also the lead for my department so I am considered a supervisor. In my mind I see nothing wrong with this. I don't have to stop and then try to get going again after break. I don't have to deal with the chaos of the break room. My crew couldn't care less that I am not taking a break. They know about my Asperger's and understand that I need to avoid too much stimulation. Since I have been doing this I have been much calmer and less likely to have what I call meltdowns.
Of course my boss doesn't see it that way. He just informed me that I need to go to the morning break and that he doesn't care how it makes me feel. His reasoning is that my crew is upset. Not that he has talked to them but that is what he believes. Plus since I am a lead I need to be there to monitor conversations to make sure they are acceptable. Again I supervise two people who have never been known for being troublemakers. Plus there are usually two other leads in the break room plus a more senior supervisor. There are a few other reasons but all dismiss the fact that my brain is wired differently than those around me.
Now to give my boss credit he is willing to work with me if I come up with something that will help me cope. Problem is I did find a solution (not going to break) but that is unacceptable. He does know about the Asperger's but really has no idea how it affects me. He is convinced that I can just 'suck it up' and deal with it. To him it is a mental issue that should be easy to overcome. He keeps telling me that he is not setting me up for failure but just wants things to be done so it is a win-win situation for both the company and the employees.
So my next choice is to go over his head to his boss and try to explain the situation. I've never asked for special treatment but in this case I just want a second opinion. If I'm told that my boss is right then I'll figure out a way to deal with it.

 

[redhen]

Why would you have to monitor other employees while they are on break? Arent they adults ?? Isnt that what having a BREAK is all about??.. wow..Very weird...

 

[Widget]

My boss, also known as 'Chicken Little' to everyone, is always worried about lawsuits. He wants to make sure that nothing can come back on the company.
And yes we are all adults. We have even had conversations about how as adults if something is said that is 'wrong' all one has to do is say so and the conversation will end. Basically handle it like and adult not some whiny little kid who runs to Mommy when feelings are hurt. We've only had one employee like that in the past couple of years who used to join us for break. She has since left. And no one is upset by it.
We do have another who also runs to Chicken Little about every little thing that she thinks is wrong but she doesn't go to break at the same time. She does however work in the same area as my crew and I do. She loves drama and seems to thrive on stirring up trouble for my department. Yet, as a lead, I have to be very careful in how I handle her outbursts. My favorite was when she started yelling at me because I was supposedly in her way preventing her from doing her work. At the time I had stopped my work because my boss needed to talk to me about work. And this person knew this. She could plainly see who I was talking to yet she felt I should have moved just for her. Funny thing was is I wasn't in her way. So after a couple minutes of her tirade (and yes I did try to calmly explain to her why she was wrong) I finally told her to go she my boss and tell him he was wrong.

 

[TriciaHowe]

My 7 yr old has mild Aspergers. She is very smart (IQ tested at 124) and was accepted into the gifted program this year where her older sister already was....She has absolutely no idea about social cues and how to read them. She seems to be getting along fine though and we just take it a day at a time.

 

[annaraven]

Widget:

Your boss is wrong. Don't go to your boss's boss. Go to HR and explain it's an ADA issue (if you're in the US), and that they are required to provide a reasonable accommodation and that this is the accommodation that you require. It may be helpful to go get an official documentation of your Autism Spectrum Disorder (that's what it's called) to prove that it isn't a "just a mental thing".